Would you seek for assessment / DX if school doesn’t have major issues with my DS?

[littlecrystal]

DS1 has just turned 5. He is a handful at home since his birth (a very difficult birth TBH, that may have affected him). He is very oppositional, resistant, hyperactive, difficult to engage in activities (often not interested in doing anything, especially group games), awkward socially (runs away when somebody comes up to him, sometimes reluctant to eye contact), doesn?t know how to keep distance to others (often too close in the face), can be very rude (we don?t raise him like that I swear!), good vocabulary but often his talks don?t make sense, very handful if we go to public places/holidays (tantrums, oppositional, generally not able to enjoy the moment), tends to wait for things to happen but quick to lose interest in what he is doing at the present, poor impulse control (now rare but still can bite or pinch another child when angry/overexcited), doesn?t take punishment seriously (for example laughs at my face if I tell him to leave the room, wouldn?t leave the room unless I drag him and would follow me if I leave the room myself). The last drop was when I took him to football and he revealed a very awkward running which I later read was one of AS symptoms.

I always thought he was on a borderline but hoped he is not SN. Especially because when I meet my friends, they always think I am overreacting, he is ?just like other boys?, ?boys are very active?, ?give him a break? etc. But they only see him for a brief moment.

His preschool indicated that his behavior was inconsistent and referred him to see a behavior specialist, but the latter, after a couple of visits (lasting 1h) to home said he is OK and can focus well and he is bright and she does not see the problem.

His school teacher says he has his moments, but is getting better and she has no particular problems with him. He plays with some boys randomly and likes the school in general? however I have a feeling that the parents avoid us (we go to the same church), possibly because he is a bit awkward and can get a bit too much. Generally I doubt if we will ever be asked for playdates?

I am not sure what should I do. He is growing up but it is not getting easier. I really don?t want to label him especially as his school and the afterschool club has not raised red flags, but should I just try and handle to my best and forget until (if) the school raises a concern? I often feel a bad mum for not being able to raise him a ?better? person (due to his rudeness etc) however I also have DS2 who is very NT and I have no worries about him, so perhaps it is not exactly about bad parenting.

If any advice, I would very much appreciate it. TIA.

[littlecrystal]

I should add that we do better if we have a very low key routine, i.e. being at home on weekends or just going to a park, just 3 of us (me DS1 and DS2), it seems very boring but if we try to do something more (museum/playdate/outing) if often doesn?t end well and spoils everyone?s mood. This is not how I imagined a family time should be but here you go.. life is full of surprises.

[Ineedmorepatience]

I think you should go with your gut instinct, if you think he is showing behaviours outside the normal range then manybe you should seek an assessment. You can go to your GP and ask for a referral to CAMHS or to a developmental paediatrician.

Make a list of all the behaviours that worry you and then when the GP asks you why you want a referral you can get out your list.

If some of his behaviour is seeming like AS maybe you should look at PDA, there are some things in your OP which could fit the profile for it.

Good luck

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I would be asking your GP to refer your son to a developmental paediatrician for further evaluation.

See a "label" purely and only as a signpost to seeking more help for him. You are his best and only advocate here; besides which school staff are simply not trained or skilled enough to properly spot children who have additional needs. School therefore may never raise anything with you but you are concerned enough now to want answers. For your sake as well as his I would seek help now rather than years down the line. Far easier to ask now rather than years later too and you could kick yourself for not acting earlier. Act now.

Also your friends do not have to live your day to day life so do not at all understand his difficulties with social situations. Listen to your own gut feelings here, you are concerned after all and your voice should not be put down. You after all are his best - and only - advocate here.

[littlecrystal]

Thank you. I wasn?t aware of PDA, but thought of ODD. I wonder why PDA is on autistic spectrum and ODD is, they seem quite similar? I cannot clearly assign a specific disorder to my DS as he has a bit of everything? It is true though that DS calms down given a choce which is often ?either you be grumpy and by yourself, or stop whining and we all have fun), and is trully obsessed with his little brother.