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PIL just don't get it, and pisses me off

(7 Posts)
RinkyDinkyDoo Mon 06-May-13 21:35:56

DH said before, PIL who are at our house to mind DS from 3.45-5pm, when I home, every Tuesday,have said they have a booster seat and want to know if they can drive DS to park on the days they come.

I said no. Surprised DH asks why. So I have to remind him:
- his parents are 74 and 73- DS is ASD, 6 and a runner
- they don't follow the fucking instructions I give them when they look after him here-in house and garden, can't see them following "don't let go of his hand"
- the park is not fenced in and is surrounded by roads
-FIL will shout a DS and then doesn't understand his shouting has inflamed the situation , with DS acting worse, DS reacts badly to being shouted at
-FIL always says he has meeting to get to (he's a bloody do gooder grin so he's on a time limit- erm yes, it really works to say to DS "come on now, we have to leave the park, we're in a rush
- I remind DH about the number of times I've arrived home in tears/ fuming because of DS's behaviour when we've been to the park after school, he's usually tired and arsey
-DS is strong and I struggle to bundle him up sometimes
-bribery/cajoling and dealing with issues has only been learned through being a full time mum/dad to minirinky and cannot be replicated by them

I could go on, and made it clear to DH, I don't think my own parents could do it now.
I really couldn't risk letting them take him out and him throwing a wobbler.
Am annoyed with DH that he didn't say no and it had to be spelled out to him why not and annoyed with PIL that they think it's an option.
Obviously we do a good job managing DS when they see him with us on trips out, but that's because we weigh up and try to forsee all problems so it doesn't go tits up.
Phew, that feels better- just got to get DH to tell them no OR I will !!!!

salondon Mon 06-May-13 21:43:11

I would love to say that let things get worse for a bit before they understand. However, I can see potential for accidents. Time for a professional to talk to them?

RinkyDinkyDoo Mon 06-May-13 21:52:40

I know what you mean Salondon, but I can't risk it.
They laugh when they tell me what he was saying/singing when he comes off the transport, and even though they do every Tuesday, it's a sign from DS of self-soothing/calming. He doesn't do it when we are there on the other days.
I know what'll happen, DH will say he's spoken to me and I've said no, so my name will be mud (again) and I'll be called over-protective, as they think they can cope.

salondon Mon 06-May-13 21:54:25

Been there. Apparently, my daughter likes to be patted to sleep because I used to pat her hard as a baby!

Beebers Wed 08-May-13 10:01:53

My father is the same, when dd refuses to come down when he visits he tells me this is ridiculous behaviour. I have now stopped him coming over when she is with me. I think it's a generation issue.

DailyNameChanger Wed 08-May-13 10:15:09

Hi stick to your guns. My mil and her fiend wanted to take my two to a safari park along with two other grandchildren and we said no. Youngest has ASD. We were being kind, they would have had the day from hell but they can't see that because in his own environment he isn't that bad, they've never seen a meltdown or seen him do a runner. In a different situation like that they would have struggled big time, they really don't realise how much.

Trigglesx Wed 08-May-13 13:43:25

My mum is abroad, but MIL is local and often offers to help out with DS2. She's 70+ and DS2 is a runner, so we're not comfortable leaving her in charge of him. He's exhausting for us and we're younger, so I just can't imagine her having to keep up with him.

TBH, I am not comfortable with DH in charge of them, as he is forever leaving safety gates open and power switches on and things down where they can be reached. Drives me mental! I spend half my time going around behind him locking things and moving them to a safe height.

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