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Can someone help me on ADHD

(13 Posts)
sweetness86 Sat 04-May-13 17:38:33

My son is four he's the middle child of three boys.
He was a lovely baby hit two years old and my problems started.

The worst is the attention seeking its constant and all day long. He does nursery half the week and then the other half is at home. He throws tantrums and whines most of the day he's always hungry its constant he asks for food 24.7 all day long. He can't play for more than five minutes without getting bored.

He is so demanding he refuses to dress himself even though he can or put shoes on even though he can. I have been known to take him to school in PJs to drop my other son off because he won't get dressed.
If he goes to the toilet for a number two he wipes himself to the point of bleeding and makes me wipe him ten times and still says its not done.
He follows me around all the time I can't go the toilet on my own if I shut the door he screams and crys at the door.

Today he wanted a bath when he got up I said I would bath him tonight with his brother but he went on and on and on so I gave into him. He can literally go on at you for three hours if he wants something so ignoring him is near impossible.

I don't know what I'm doing wrong my six year old is lovely and so different to him. I made him a sandwich today but it wasn't cut right so he made me do another one like I said if I don't he goes on for hours.
My mom doesn't want him overnight anymore as he plays her up so much and it's getting worse. Nursery said he's always on the go and doesn't stop when he's there which he is at home can't sit still.

I get up everyday and feel like crying my life just feels like a misery i dread him being home. I love him to bits I just don't know if this is normal behaviour in a four year old ?,

JakeBullet Sat 04-May-13 17:50:48

Hi * sweetness*, it might be worth posting this under the Special Needs topic too. My son was similar to this and has autism and ADHD. Not sayi your DS has autism too or even ADHD but many of the techniques for managing difficult behaviours in children with ADHD etc can help children not diagnosed with anything.

He does sound like he has some sensory issues going on.....wanting to wipe himself until he bleeds sounds quite obsessional and the same with the sandwich thing, it might be worth asking your GP if he can be referred to a developmental paediatrician for an assessment of his difficulties. You need support too, the Special Needs board here is supportive.

I am not saying he DOES have any issues but it doesn't sound like usual 4 year old behaviour and asking for an assessment would be helpful. Have the nursery made any suggestions?

sweetness86 Sat 04-May-13 18:13:26

No I asked at parents evening they said he can be a handful and it can be normal behaviour in his age group but I'm finding it hard coping with him.
He is very affectionate and loving but the attention seeking and everything has to be his way and that's it.
The wiping thing has started the last two months he wipes himself so much he is red raw and saying its sore. U bought him toilet wipes but he does the same with them too.

With food he likes things a certain way and salad/fruit has to be cut a certain way or he screams the house down.
I just don't know if he is just a difficult child and nothing is wrong with him and it's all in my head. I told my Other half and he said its just the way he is etc but my oldest didnt act like this.

He can't play alone or seem to entertain himself like my other son did he has to have my attention all the time.
My mom and Dad think he's got hyperactivity too. Should I take him to the GP?
Sorry I don't know where to post I don't use this board much :/

sweetness86 Sat 04-May-13 18:14:56

If anyone could move my post I would be grateful thanks

JakeBullet Sat 04-May-13 18:42:31

Hi sweetness, I'll ask MNHQ to move it for you, am sure they will. Your poor DS does sound like he is finding some things very hard. sad. It does sound like an autism or ADHD type thing but obviously only a developmental paediatrician can say for sure. Autism can be very high functioning which is why some children don't get diagnosed until it can be no longer be said "it's his/her age". It can be hard to spot but children on the spectrum tend to have similar issues,

Where in the country are you?

Have a look at the various websites for autism and ADHD to see if you can see any similarities.

InkleWinkle Sat 04-May-13 18:44:47

Hi I've reported your post so MNHQ will move it.

JakeBullet Sat 04-May-13 18:47:39

There is some info here about sensory issues...the bottom wiping sounds like a sensory thing.

Another person who might be able to help is an Occupational Therapist as they are brilliant with this type of thing.

RawCoconutMacaroon Sat 04-May-13 18:55:56

Tbh, as the parent of a child with Aspergers, much of what you have posted sounds familiar- the food rules, the routines, the high need for adult input, your whole description really. It sounds a lot less like adhd. That's probably not what you want to hear but your son needs assessed because if he has an issue, what ever that issue is, a diagnosis is going to help him access resources for his education.
IME, children on the more subtle end of the autistic spectrum can be dismissed as just being difficult or badly behaved because they often make quite good eye contact, are loving, can joke...

I'm not saying your DS does have asd but I am saying that his behaviour as you describe it suggests that maybe you should be reading up on some of the signs and symptoms in young children, and if you are concerned, as your Dr for a referral.
If your DS has an issue, diagnosis will help him access the resources he needs for school.

Our DS was diagnosed at preschool - we'd been sure, as his parents, from about 18months... But if it had been left to the school, I doubt they would have suggested referral before the age of 7or8.

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Sat 04-May-13 20:18:09

Hi there,

We have moved this for you now.

Wishing you all the best.

coff33pot Sun 05-May-13 00:48:37

Hi Sweetness86 smile

My DS has dx of Aspergers, ADHD, and some other co morbids including sensory processing disorder

What seems to stand out to me is a lot of this could well be sensory based.

as an example the noiser or more that is going on around DS the more agitated he becomes. Gets louder to drown out all the sensory input around him. Runs around etc and starts sensory seeking to regulate his body.

He also has ADHD there are different types and his is the hyper end smile

The AS side of him makes him anxious if tomato sauce touches his peas, the biscuit is broken, someone else has drank from his cup, the unsurety of being on his own is another major issue. Problem solving causes havoc and he does find it hard to amuse himself. Has to walk the same way to school if route changed he would be lost as far as he was concerned.

There are a lot of flags showing for your DS and I am not an. I can say it will not do any harm to go to your GP and insist on a referral to a developmental pead.

In the meantime make a diary of any oddities, concerns or actions by your DS to help the profs along the way.

It takes a long time for referrals to go through sometimes so it is well worth logging as much down as possible.

He is young and quite often it is not until children hit school age, as in nursery a lot is still play based. Once more demands are put on our children and there is more unstructured playtimes etc where a child has to mix with peers by himself, make more decisions himself that schools start to notice things more x

Well done on spotting something is going on smile

Stick around as its quiet here being the weekend at the moment. But a lot of people can help support you and give you a few strategies that you could perhaps pick some if you think they will benefit your DS in the meantime. smile

Trigglesx Sun 05-May-13 07:16:29

sweetness86 My DS2 is 6yo and has ASD/ADHD/sensory problems, among a few other things tossed in. It can be pretty challenging some days, but we've found a few things that do help with him.

- small rewards for small progress, always taking it in little steps. He may get 5 min on laptop or get to stay up 10 minutes later. It all depends on the time and situation - easiest thing for us has been to simply say "Let's see, if you can get dressed without fussing, then you can have 5 minutes on the laptop when you're all ready for school."

- quiet time. I cannot emphasise enough how important this is for DS2. He has a 3yo brother, and he just needs a bit of time when he's not dealing with a little brother trailing after him and all that entails. So we make sure that he gets some time alone with something he enjoys - like wii or nexus tablet or (one of his own options) paging through the yellow pages while listening to music hmm grin.

- small changes over time. If he won't let you use the toilet with the door closed without melting down, then perhaps try it halfway closed, and every day inch it just a bit more closed. When he stresses, wait a day or more before inching it a bit more closed when you go in. The other option is to think about WHY he gets upset that you're in there with the door closed. Does he realise you're just going to the toilet? Is he worried you won't come back out? Other options might be to either bring him in with you just once to show him that nothing exciting or sinister is going on. (you do run the risk with this, however, that he'll want to come in with you all the time!) Or maybe tell him you'll be out of the bathroom within 3 minutes (if you're sure that's all it will be) and set a timer for him outside the toilet. That may give him something visual to remind him you'll be back out shortly.

We're working on teaching DS2 to "wait" for things. It can really be a struggle, but we've got sand timers and right now are on the 5 minute timer. Hopefully when he can wait for 5 minutes for things, we can then move it to the 10 minute timer, then the 15 minute one. it's just a gradual ongoing process, I think.

DS2 has numerous food issues as well, but again, it's just a process of gradual changes and introducing new stuff regularly, even if he doesn't eat it, when it's on his plate regularly (1-3 times per week, depending on what it is), he gets used to seeing it and eventually (could be days, weeks or more) attempts to smell it or lick it or something, and then we encourage a bite.

I do think regardless of the teachers saying it is normal behaviour, I would still follow up with GP and get referral to paediatrician. And definitely write it all down and bring it to the appointment. All this takes so much time - referrals, appointments, statements (if needed), diagnosis (again, if needed). It's a very long process, so don't wait until he gets older if you are confident something is not quite right now.

MareeyaDolores Sun 05-May-13 08:52:32

Well done fir posting. GP is a good person to get referrals off HV are a mixed bag: either totally and utterly brilliant, or else just dismissive (usually). Nursery can ask for outside help too. They can ask the early years special needs person to chase up occupational therapist, speech therapist and educational psychologist.

Is he starting reception this autumn?

MareeyaDolores Sun 05-May-13 08:56:22

He sounds v like ds1 who is 9. ADHD diagnosis first, then ASD added, now sensory-language-anxiety bits known about too. And all the scary letters have been a blessing in disguise, they've helped me stay focussed on him as my lovely boy (despite my wanting to throw both of us off the North face of Mount Everest many times).

He's still got issues, but it's much better now, 4-5y old was the worst

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