Just spent 2 days at BIBIC with my 3.5 year old DS. They don't diagnose but indicate, which showed he has quite severe sensory processing problems, is gifted in areas of non verbal reasoning and others, and is likely to very likely aspergers. This is all what I suspected but also was doubting myself as a neurotic mum as others implied that. My head is in a spin and I am hanging by a string, as I have been parenting a very clever manipulative son who is also more needy which is a tricky combo, coupled with sensory meltdowns and aspergers type meltdowns - I have been near breakdown many times. On top of this we are having to appeal his school admission, they have offered a different village school on a minibus with unfamiliar peer group. BIBIC were amazing and have given us lots of daily therapy to do to stimulate sensory development, and communication strategies for aspergers stuff. Am scared for his future and want to ensure he reaches his full potential and has a happy life. Am about to send off letter for stat asses, although our LA are very strict with a particularly low % of statemented children. What support would he need in school? Does anyone want to chat with me about my situation? Really need emotional support with all this, my DH is great but is struggling with health issues (in part due to sons behaviour, as am I), my parents offer no emotional support just undermining and judgement. Am hoping to hear from Homestart for a weekly volunteer mentor which will help.
Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.
SN children
BIBIC assessment just done for 3 year old - need to talk
NourishingButtons · 04/05/2013 12:51
Stat assessment and homestart are a good start. Portage might be available (ask the HV). And you're here for emotional support 
Worth getting GP referrals now for occupational therapy, speech therapy and paediatrician as you'll need to NHS-rubber-stamp what BIBIC have discovered. You can usually appeal school placement on 'exceptional medical and social grounds': being too fragile for the bus might do it. But this varies according to area.
One of the best things I did was start to treat Dd3 as if she had Asd even before she had a firm diagnosis.
It sounds as if BIBIC are going to be really helpful but have they advised you to use visuals to support you Ds? Often changes in routine or having to do something different can cause massive meltdowns. Using a visual timetable with photos or symbols can really help.
We also use a red and yellow card system to let Dd3 know that her behaviour is not acceptable and at work we use happy and sad face cards to help the children to understand.
I use the sign for stop/wait both at work and at home, it is a great visual clue.
Get the book "10 things every child with autism wishes you knew" for you and your husband to read. It is an easy read but explains a lot.
Fill in an appeal form for the school and then make a list of reasons why he should go to the nearest school. You have a good case for appeal especially if he has been at nursery at the school you want. Mention peer group and friendship group in your appeal. also mention SN's and get that SA request done.
Most of all remember he is still your lovely little boy. You are going to have to parent him differently but thats OK and when you find what works with him he will hopefully settle a bit and not be quite so challenging. Ditch traditional discipline methods. They dont usually work with children with Asd. Find what works for you and you Ds and go with it, dont worry about what other people say.
Feel like I am bombarding you now. You can do this. It will be different to what you expected but you can do it.
Be kind to yourself and good luck
Oh and keep coming on here, its the best place for support
Didn't you say he'd be going on the school bus? If a risk assessment were to demonstrate they'd need an escort, having to pay for an extra staff member might help the LA to understand your POV
He'll still have some peer group at preschool: the dc who aren't quite old enough for reception will still be there. And not bussing him into the next village will mean he's potentially in the park at 3.05pm daily as his old friends arrive for a quick after-school play.
Tbh, I don't think SN dc belong in reception, so (providing you get the village school in time for year 1), it might be a blessing in disguise. Personally, I don't rate formal schooling for any 4y old, let alone those delayed in any area.
Everyone told me ds1 would be fine, and there was no need to try and delay his start at school. He wasn't, and I should have. Took me nearly 2 years to get him back to baseline 
You can name any mainstream you want providing he doesn't disturb the 'efficient education' of the other dc. By which they mean totally wreck it
You could use a camera and take pics of his clothes, toothbrush, breakfast bowl, pre school, home, shop and whatever else you do then you can find all the ones you need for the day to help him see what is happening.
Good luck
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