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Aibu.....flippant asd comment

(18 Posts)
Reecieroo Thu 02-May-13 21:53:33

Sooooo a little bit of background, my ds is 3.8 and at start of dx process for aspergers/asd. Anyway I take my dd to a baby group and everyone was chatting, it's a small group of 6, we were chatting as usual about a couple of babies who are very cute chubby babies and how hv moan about their weight unnecessarily. Out of the blue one mum said 'oh it's like when a child is naughty or a bit different they diagnose autism, for gods sake' ............I was a bit taken aback I'm new to the group and they don't know about my ds. I was a bit shocked, is this what people think of children with asd?! I really wanted to say u can have my son for a week if u like and u can decide if he's a bit naughty!

Just having a moan really, guess its first of insensitive comments to come. I felt like a fly on the wall iysim? I don't wanna go back now sad

zzzzz Thu 02-May-13 23:23:29

Best to be brazen, something along the lines of

"You're so right, I mean diabetes FFS all that injecting insulin when we all know they just need to be a bit more sensible with their diet, and PND FFS surely it's a bit of fuss about nothing, and epilepsy FFS all those drugs when they just need to avoid flashing lights, dyslexia is obviously not enough books in the house, eczema looks to me like they just don't wash enough......" Just keep going until you have everyone's attention and then say very calmly, "No I don't think ASD is the same as just a bit naughty or different". Sit back and allow spluttering.

Plus3 Thu 02-May-13 23:27:39

Zzzzz I would love to say that and watch said spluttering!

Dinkysmummy Thu 02-May-13 23:31:26

grin zzzzz

Unfortunately Reecieroo some people have this inability to use even a small proportion of their brains!

Yanbu, but it does suck

(I told my bro that dinky might have an ASD, he said "she didn't look like she had learning difficulties" some people just are not very clued up)

zzzzz Thu 02-May-13 23:35:14

It doesn't actually matter what you say. What matters is that you don't feel like a victim.

I only manage this sometimes but it is my aim to enjoy being an arse to the criminally obtuse.

Blessyou Thu 02-May-13 23:37:11

I get, "but he seems so clever, what makes you think he has autism?" quite often

Ask the panel of Specialists who diagnosed him. FFS indeed.

zzzzz Thu 02-May-13 23:42:09

"But he seems so clever" ????? Seriously?

I never discuss ds1s diagnosis really but that would leave me shock

coff33pot Fri 03-May-13 00:33:02

I saw a quote somewhere and I was saving it for the right moment. I think its time to use it.

It said...

My child doesnt look "Autistic" and you dont look ignorant......
Yet here we are.

zzzzz Fri 03-May-13 01:30:40

grin coffee

I should really have said I don't discuss ds1s issues with the general public because he doesn't actually have a dx hmm sometimes I irritate myself with my madness!

ouryve Fri 03-May-13 12:20:53

Love that one, coffee.

Stressedtothehilt Fri 03-May-13 13:40:16

With dd1 ADHD I have had But she can read and write, But she doesn't swear all the to,e, But she is not like that kid at XYZ school, She doesn't look Different, if you give her sedatives she will be fine, Just enlist her in the Army at 16 they will sort her out, Nothing a good belting wont solve! And ,and many more!!!

Reecieroo Fri 03-May-13 18:46:23

Some brilliant comments, I will speak up next time!

She didn't know anybody's background so it was pretty inconsiderate, all family's, races are affected by autism so it was a dumb comment. where's that thread that was naming people as bastards she needs to be added :-0 xx

frizzcat Sat 04-May-13 15:41:51

Sorry just noticed this and have duly added ignorant person to the numbskull bastard category - maybe I need to resurrect that thread grin

accordiongirl Sun 05-May-13 09:50:36

My sons on the spectrum but I think you're over reacting. She was just chatting and talking about doctors jumping to conclusions. Out of her bottom, mind you! But I wouldn't take offence.

accordiongirl Sun 05-May-13 09:52:49

This stuff gets easirer once you have dx cos once you know what you're talking about you can confidently "explain" things to people...

zzzzz Sun 05-May-13 09:58:30

It isn't necessary a good thing to be tolerant of minor disableist conversation. Nor is it incumbent on you to educate anyone.

Personally I don't want my children having to listen to it or deal with it.

beautifulgirls Sun 05-May-13 11:43:48

I'm with accordiongirl on here. Before we had to deal with ASD I wouldn't have know what it was and would have been one of those parents in a similar conversation who may have spoken out with ignorance based upon inaccurate media perceptions. Don't take it personally, it wasn't directed at you individually. I think that we do need to help people to understand the reality of ASD and that it is not an excuse, it is a real disability. How you do that is down to how you feel about things. If you can't talk about it why not print out some info and let her have that? Whilst it is tempting to be brazen in the way the second post here suggests I'm not all that sure it really helps to educate people myself, but then that is just my opinion.

coff33pot Mon 06-May-13 00:25:52

The outlook I have on the second post is it may just educate someone to think first, speak after and not necessarily open ones mouth before putting brain into gear smile

Now if the conversation had a different twist as in a question/debate form as in they are interested in other peoples views....then that would be different and lead me to WANT to help the awareness side of things smile

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