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Feeling very down/angry

(48 Posts)
Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads Wed 17-May-06 11:49:50

I know why- it's all the birthday stuff, but has really hit me this year. Perhaps 7 is a milestone. My friend's ds sent a card with lovely writing in- really lovely writing- he's 2 weeks younger than ds1. And although it was lovely to see, it just made me feel so sad. I rang up my friend to say thanks, and we talked a bit about it- she saw ds1 almost every day from birth until we moved when he was just short of 3. We saw her again last year for a day and I know she was shocked when she saw him, and she said this week that what has happened to ds1 is "a f*** tradgedy."

Anyway point is I feel so raw at the moment, and really angry when I see everything normal around me and I haven't felt like this for years. It's kind of come out of the blue. I seem to have had a week of people ringing me up about normal stuff and I feel like telling them to f off, because I get so angry with them. Why do they think they should be different to anyone else, why should bad stuff only happen to others not them? So do lots of hmming and haahing and oh reallys and get off the phone. Then feel bad and bitter and twisted.

We've had the details through about the tomcat bike (the thousand quid one). It would be good for ds1, but we can't afford thousand quid obviously and yet I feel too guilty to apply for funding to a charity and I know our household income is more than many people's - and I'm sure they'll take on look at it and reject the application.

I'm hibernating until it goes away, usually these things last a week then go, but if anyone can think of anything nice to do (no effort though please energy is way down) please let me know. I should be writing a buisness plan (for a competition) but have no energy. Actually if I write a questionnaire (for the competition) will you lot fill it in for me online? That would give me something constructive to do.

I'll feel silly when I read this again, as its so self indulgent. Someone tell me to buck up please.

BudaBabe Wed 17-May-06 11:55:16

jimjams - I don't know the details of the issues with your DS but just wanted to say that of course you will feel this way. It's normal. Doesn't make it better though.

Sending you a hug.

ggglimpopo Wed 17-May-06 11:56:37

Message withdrawn

oliveoil Wed 17-May-06 12:00:55

I will fill in a questionnaire. And also, what about if everyone who posts on Chat today on inane things like Paul McCartney and rude builders gave you a £1? That would get you your bike in no time.

You are so not self indulgent.

xxx

Saker Wed 17-May-06 12:24:35

I've been sitting here trying to think of something to say but don't really know what to say. It is really c**p and it's pointless saying otherwise sometimes.

FWIW I think you should apply for the bike through a charity fund. If you can't afford it then you have a right to apply for it and it is for Ds1 not for you.

I hope you feel better soon.

eidsvold Wed 17-May-06 13:37:25

it is not self indulgent - I am sure as time goes on for dd1 I will become more aware and confronted by realising the gulf between her and others - especially her cousin who is only a couple of months older than her by birth... very confronting and makes me cross.

I agree with the phone call thingy - people who think it is unfair if something doesn't go right for them when you have just had to deal with stuff.... eg. someone moaning to me that their child is not doing something and I think - bloody hell I have just had to prise dd1's teeth from my chin..... she bit the hell outta my chin in frustration - hasn't done that in a long time... been doing really well - who gives a crap that your child can't say the letter f properly yet!!! You are not bitter and twisted or bad..... you are dealing with tough stuff and sometimes the small stuff that really shouldn't be sweated ( to use a horrid american phrase) is irrelevant to the big stuff that you are having to face.

Put the application in - if you don't ask - you can't get.... so what if your income is slightly higher than others - still doesn't mean you can afford a 1000 quid bike!!! As saker said - it is for ds1 not for you guys - go one do it - I wanna read a thread when I get up that you have applied for the funding.

Yes do a questionnaire I will do it - but in the morning just waiting for tablet to wear off so I can have a snack before rolling into bed.

not bitter and twisted - just feeling pissed off with life - about something that is a big deal to you!! not the missed dress in a sale but tough crappy stuff.

Go out on a hill and scream into the wind.... I would do it if we did not live in surburbia..

sorry for the rambly reply.

eidsvold Wed 17-May-06 13:40:00

oh and buck up

guess what - i have been approached to do an abc current affairs kinda program about antenatal testing and its outcomes or not...... very interesting.... hopefully I will not tell people who think I should have terminated dd1 to get their head out of their arse on national tv did you smile??

very scary but am glad to be taking part - will know more in a couple of weeks. Have spoken to the journalist and have agreed to be interviewed on camera - oh no - hope they do a makeover too!!

okay enough of a hijack - sorry you are feeling so crap...... nice to do - eat choc and indulge in great wine?? minimal energy required.

iwearflairs Wed 17-May-06 14:24:08

Hello Jimjams, just wanted to add with the others, it is not self-indulgent. We must positively defend the right to be sad and pissed off from time to time and let it run its course. I will do a questionnaire. And I think you should make the application if only because you never know. I hope you feel better soon.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads Wed 17-May-06 19:12:36

Thank you. You've cheered me up. eidsvold I would just love you to tell people to get their heads out of their arses on national tv. Please do, please please please

The bike thing, I don't know. Part of the problem is I'm not sure whether he'll love it (in which case it would give us lots of freedom as I could use it to take him to the shops etc- it has a belt thing for example so he can't leap off and run away), or whether he would completely ignore it- in which case it would be a lot of wasted money, or money that could have gone to someone else if we apply for some funding. I think he'd like it, bu may be too flitty to use it properly, I just don't know.

Socci Wed 17-May-06 19:38:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cod Wed 17-May-06 19:41:18

Message withdrawn

2shoes Wed 17-May-06 19:47:49

big hugs to you
I often go through stages of feeling **** off with the cards we have been dealt. I think birthdays are worst as our dc's are not reaching the milestones expected.
I will be happy to fill in your questionnaire.
Do get on to charities about the trike. the variety club is good. if you feel that you can afford to pay a small part then do, don't feel guilty that is a hell of a lot for a trike

Californifrau Wed 17-May-06 19:48:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Saker Wed 17-May-06 19:57:43

Jimjams - with the bike, if he hated it or ignored it, you could look at giving it to someone else who had special needs, or maybe donating it to his school or somewhere similar that would be able to use it. It would be really worth it if he did love it and would give you both some freedom.

peachyClair Wed 17-May-06 19:59:51

JimJam, I felt the same about applying to charity when we looked for BIBIC funding- we got what we asked for, plus £100 a month 'treat money' we DIDN'T ask for. Our income is fairly so-so, I guess, I get a small student grant in addition to my loan but not much. We got it from a website that lists every occupational society, we found one vaguely related to DH's job and went from there.

Please don't worry about feeling bad. Tell poeple to F off if you need to, if they're worth worrying about they'll not mind.

Another avenue for the trike would be to contact the local paper or round table, you may find there are people there willing to fundraise. Remeber, its not about you: its about DS and like all our kids, SN, NT or middling they deserve the absolute best.

peachyClair Wed 17-May-06 20:01:24

With the boike- couldn't you let BIBIC or the NAS have it if you didn't fuind it was good? Still be worth it then wouldn't it?

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads Wed 17-May-06 20:01:59

MInd your scales cod

I saw a stress counsellor once (as part of an autism group thing). She came to one session, then at the next said that she had felt so traumatised by talking to us about our lives that she had to go home and just sit in the garden in absolute quiet and shed a tear or two. So she was a lot of bloody use

Socci I don't know why but your phrase "crikey she has such complex neurology" made me laugh, I guess because its such a strange thing to think, but exactly the sort of thing that goes through my head.

You are right 2shoes- birthdays are hard.

DH is badgering me to watch the footy. He has handed me a beer, hoorah.

peachyClair Wed 17-May-06 20:03:32

Eidsvold- please do tell them to remove their heads from their arses. When ds3's test results (only bloods) came back high risk we had constant pressure from mw, hv, MIL to test (MIL to abort without further ado, bitch). We went in the end simply because of the pressure and ended up doing a runner. the chance of our son having downs (which he didn't ) was less important then the chance of losing our baby from a miscarriage.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads Wed 17-May-06 20:05:05

Yes you may all be right about the bike. The bike people have suggested trying the Eliefar foundation (who fund stuff for severely disabled kids), so I may have a go. If he hated it I would give it to the school I guess. He had a trike (given to me) that I gave to the school. He loved sitting on it, but our garden wasn't big enough to ride it and we could only try it on the moors where he was too flitty to stay on it. This trike could be ridden up and down our street and near traffic (it has parental controls ) and he shouldn't be able to jump off.

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads Wed 17-May-06 20:05:47

PC- not an unusual situation I'm afraid, I've heard of that happening a lot.

peachyClair Wed 17-May-06 20:06:55

That was a bad counsellor, theya re supposed to have supervisors to go to when they need support, not throw it back at you

peachyClair Wed 17-May-06 20:07:48

Yeah, well its about time I developed a backbone isn't it? its been needed for a while LOL

Jimjamskeepingoffvaxthreads Wed 17-May-06 20:31:51

oh me too! I think the stress councellor person was just a bit generally useless. very ineffectual iykwim. She was teaching us about assertiveness as well, but we'd all been through statementing already

stapo1 Wed 17-May-06 20:34:55

Jimjams, I am relatively new to mn, but have seen all the support you give to others. you are certainly not self indulgent.. you give loads!
You are human & a mother & milestones are hard! So don't be so hard on yourself.
Enjoy the beer, I hope you get the funding you all deserve for the bike & you all get enjoyment.
& I love questionaires (weird but true)maybe thats why I get so much junk mail?

Blossomhill Wed 17-May-06 20:38:43

Jimjams - my heart really does go out to you

I think we all have times when it hits us like a tonne of bricks and especially when we compare our children to other nt children their age. It's almost like a punch in the face.

Please accept a very large hug from me xxxxxx

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