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I reported myself to the doctor tonight

(29 Posts)
Beebers Wed 24-Apr-13 20:46:37

I really need help. Tonight ADHD dd had a meltdown and I flipped, I phoned the dr in floods of tears and went down there and told them they had to do something with her as I am going to end up hurting her.

The dr was very kind and contacted camhs but can't promise anything would be done.

I honestly don't know how to handle her temper anymore, I am on the edge. Please help me. In desperate and frightened I'm going to do something awful.

whenwilligetsomesleep Wed 24-Apr-13 20:58:43

hmmI don't know what to suggest but hopefully someone more knowledgable than me will be able to help. Is there a friend or family member who could come round and talk to you tonight? I know that may not be much in the long run but you need some support and probably a good shoulder to cry on now. Maybe could someone give you some time away? Sending positive vibes and hope someone out there has practical advice. Xxxx

zzzzz Wed 24-Apr-13 20:59:19

How old is she?
Do you have any help?
Is it continuous or are there particularly bad parts of the day?

Try not to panic, there will be better times.

Beebers Wed 24-Apr-13 21:03:19

She's 7, it's just non stop from the minute she leaves school to the minute she goes to bed.

I'm now in bed crying, I am absolutely done with it all. I can't take it anymore. I have no help at all with her I'm completely by myself. Single mum too.

armani Wed 24-Apr-13 21:10:20

Hi beebers, my dd sounds similar to yours. She is currently being assessed for ADHD but as of yet has no dx. I have been where you are now many of times, it really is draining isn't it? Just want you to know you are not alone x

fanjoforthemammaries7850 Wed 24-Apr-13 21:12:18

Phone the GP tomorrow and go and see them about you..and keep talking to people here thanks

MareeyaDolores Wed 24-Apr-13 21:32:18

GP will give sympathy and CAMHS and maybe sort you out. Helpful but not very quick.

yourself to social services might perhaps be worth a try for something faster, maybe you can extract some respite /carer hours while a fuller assessment is done. If you can follow-up the self-referral with various professionals 'reporting' you too, then so much the better

MareeyaDolores Wed 24-Apr-13 21:32:51

Sorry yourself

MareeyaDolores Wed 24-Apr-13 21:33:37

sorry. once more
reporting yourself

MareeyaDolores Wed 24-Apr-13 21:34:32

And it does (by and large) get better than this, so don't lose hope

whenwilligetsomesleep Wed 24-Apr-13 21:35:01

Beebers is there anyone you could phone tonight for some support? You really must go to GP tomorrow and let them know how exhausted you are and worn down. There must be some help available. So sorry you are having such a rubbish time. Xx

Flappingandflying Wed 24-Apr-13 22:11:08

Poor you. Could she stay with grandparents overnight at the weekend to give you some respite?

coff33pot Thu 25-Apr-13 00:54:03

If I said it will get better I doubt you would believe it right now being so low but it does smile

Going to the GP was a good move keep on demanding the support and contact the relevant bods like Mareeya has mentioned.

Think of some strategies you can put into place when these meltdowns occur that may help you and her in the meantime. If they are escalating to such a degree maybe a safe room may be a good idea?

When school was hellish for DS and consequently anxiety attacks loomed once he walked in the door from it I had emptied his bedroom and left nothing but his bed and a million and one cuddly toys in it plus a few cushions. He could then throw these as much as he wanted to without causing harm to himself.

If things got to the extent there was no calming him I placed him in there and shut the door and sat on the other side. There were no locks just me sat against it. It helped for loads of reasons.

He couldnt see me or the rest of the family but knew I was there outside. and it helped him to calm down a lot quicker.

It gave me the option of being able to keep on quietly repeating to him the same sentence ie. when you are calm for 5 minutes we can talk.

I was calm as I couldnt see him either and could focus on the wall oposite. DH used to bring me up a mug tea so in a way we were both getting well deserved time out smile

I found with a door in between ds used to talk his issues over a lot more calmly than having eye contact with anyone or any distractions.

Its not a quick cure by any means and sometimes I would be sat there an hour or more but at some point he would become exhausted and then we could chat. This way was good for us as I was not compelled to keep on trying to explain things (mothers habit) in between telling him not to climb this or throw that or shout etc.

I never punished him afterwards for the behaviour in his room as the majority of his meltdowns were due to control issues at the time which he could not help and we knew his stresses were entirely school orientated at that time. We merely hugged and put the toys back lol.

Over months he learnt to take himself of to his room of his own accord.

Its hell and I really do sympathise with you and your DD. But stick it out and turn your upset into a manic mission of forming a plan of action grin

It WILL get better.

alwayslateforwork Thu 25-Apr-13 01:02:08

What medication is she on, beebers? She's still very young, so it's possible you haven't found the one that works best, or that you need to find an alternative where you can split the daily dose, or get a slower release so that it's not out of her system by home time. What did the gp suggest from that pov? Sometimes dosage needs increasing too, especially if she has had a growth spurt.

Have you been through the usual stuff? Added in zinc and omegas? Use Epsom salts in the bath water?

I know none of this is 'how to deal with a meltdown stuff' but I find every time Ds is getting out of control that I need to tighten up on the extraneous stuff. And make sure he eats as soon as he gets home.

Ds is 11 now, but he has had around three and a half years of camhs type outreach. He still has his moments, but I know not to panic now.

coff33pot Thu 25-Apr-13 01:05:11

another one is a social story of sorts about temper or getting angry?

We used the term "volcano in your tummy" when he was younger. If he was getting worked up we used to mention that the volcano was erupting and think its time for chill out time (ie his room we never said he was going up to bed always the chill out room)

If he came in wound up I have even filled a bath with bubbles and toys and sat him in it clothes and all! to help him wind down and relax.

Do a diary of when why and how the explosions occur. Might be a pattern you will spot or a certain time its going to start etc.

Dont know if these will help as I will be honest and say it looks so simple written down when we all know things dont run as smoothly as that! Its being strong enough to persevere with everything isnt it when you been knocked down x

alwayslateforwork Thu 25-Apr-13 01:09:10

For Ds, hunger is a definite trigger. He doesn't recognise he is hungry, so it's a bit of a pita. But if we feed him, it helps get him back on to an even keel.

Beebers Thu 25-Apr-13 04:25:55

Thanks for all your support, I fell asleep I was so exhausted. She isn't on medication and when I asked the dr last night he says no because she has a private diagnosis. Honestly I'm just at the end of my tether with it all.

whenwilligetsomesleep Thu 25-Apr-13 08:46:50

Why won't they accept a private diagnosis? Hang in there Beebers. Scream and shout till they help you. Lean on your friends and family and let them know you are feeling at rock bottom. It will get better but you and your dd need help. You obviously love your daughter very much so try and keep going. Can you take some time for yourself when she's at school. Maybe go for a walk or do something else to relax a bit (guilty secret- I bunk off and go to the cinema wink). Keep posting. Xxx

Beebers Thu 25-Apr-13 09:21:11

Thank you, I'm going to call the surgery this morning and ask why they won't give medication now when they were willing to last year. Even if I have to get a private prescription then ill do it. I didn't see our usual doctor so maybe I need to see her. I need a break so desperately but my dd refuses to go to my mums she makes her life a misery when my mum looks after her. It's bloody tough!

whenwilligetsomesleep Thu 25-Apr-13 09:39:33

Hi Beebers. Do you work or could you give yourself a bit of time out while she's at school?

Beebers Thu 25-Apr-13 09:48:33

Yes I work 4 days a week, very long days. It's really hard trying to juggle. In her ideal world I think it would be me, her in a little flat all by ourselves with my attention on her all the time, but that's not real life! Not sure she can accept that and really struggles with it.

whenwilligetsomesleep Thu 25-Apr-13 09:52:13

hmm It's no wonder you are exhausted I hope the gp can help today and maybe you can find a way of getting some time for you. Do keep posting. Good luck today. X

BiddyPop Thu 25-Apr-13 09:52:43

Coff33pot has some great advice.

Making a safe space for her to unwind herself is HUGE. We also have an ADHD (and Aspie) 7 yr old DD, and she is slowly learning to go into the (north facing so cooler and darker) sitting room, throw the cushions around and curl up under a soft and warm fleece to come back to herself.

We don't use volcano, but read a book called "The Red Beast" and use that analogy about the anger growing, and needing to put it back to sleep. We read it a few times in quieter times and slowly started talking about the red beast in EVERYONE (even mummy and daddy) but it's easier to wake up in some people. And there are a few coping strategies such as popping bubble wrap and drinking cold water in that to help.

Rescue remedy can help too. We use the Rescue Kids in the daytime, and Rescue Night at bedtime - depending on the needs. But it can help to calm her down - and even the act of taking the drink can help too. We usually follow that with an option of a long cold drink of water, and she'll often take that too.

Send her out into hte garden with a bottle of bubbles to blow - it distracts and can help concentrate on 1 thing allowing other things to go back into perspective, while being a "fun" thing too (well, at least here it is).

She is on meds, but they wear off in the evenings and she does sometimes seem to have issues at school which only surface at home. But as much as you can, keep calm yourself (and I really know I'm asking the impossible) and keep telling her you love her and will talk when she's calm and able to.

ouryve Thu 25-Apr-13 10:25:44

Hope you're feeling a little less stressed out, this morning.

We had to abandon the idea of DS1 going into his room alone when he broke his window. Thankfully, it was only a crack that we could patch to make safe, but he could have hurt himself, so he has to stay downstairs with us, now, unfortunately (I also can't leave DS2 unsupervised).

Pre-medication, a snack and a drink on the way home from school did help DS1 a lot. I'd take something like one of those mini packets of nairn's oatcakes and we'd share those, so they'd give an energy boost without simply delaying a sugar crash.

DS1 is medicated, now. He has ASD, too, which complicates matters and the medication he is on merely keeps a lid on things. many of his meltdowns can be pinpointed to a sequence of events, which makes them easier to head off, though sometimes it is still unavoidable because that's simply his state of mind on that particular day.

Our only expectation of him when he gets in from school is that he washes his hands (because I think he goes all day at school without them seeing a drop of water, sometimes) and then gets busy. He sets straight to on his computer and his lego is ready, once he gets off that, to keep him busy until dinner time. If he's not occupied, he's quite frankly a pain in the arseshock and his behaviour creates conflict, which leads to a spiral of defiance and anger and eventually an explosion, so mooching on the sofa is never an ption!

alwayslateforwork Thu 25-Apr-13 14:37:00

Oh, what a complete nonsense. She's in need enough to require a CAMHs referral, but not a medication trial? Definitely go back in there and ask to see a second doctor who actually has a brain cell.

I can understand they might not be willing to prescribe in the middle of a crisis (for all sorts of reasons including maternal mental stability) but now that you are calmer and not mid-disaster, you need to make an appointment and go in and request a meds trial, a referral to a developmental paediatrician (or stick with camhs if they are the diagnostic authority for ADHD in your area) and also ask for SNAP IV forms for you and school (and for your mum as well if they will view this as an additional setting) and anything else they require to officially recognise her existing dx, or refer her to the approving diagnostic authority.

Implement all the other stuff immediately as well - when we first added in the omegas, zinc and Epsom salts, school asked if he had started medication, as he was a different child. And feed her as soon as she gets in.

I think the same way about Ds - for years I have been pondering homeschooling. But in all honesty, we would kill each other. Nowt nurturing and lovely about that grin

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