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A quick what would you do??

(57 Posts)
claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:29:50

Ds has a food phobia, very limited diet etc (and hates writing)

I just got him to write a 'shopping list' and got him to agree to come shopping and for him to do his own shop ie only the things on the list, but he pushes the trolley, put the things in etc (he hates shopping usually and its a big performance to get him to come and he wont touch the food i put in)

Now he is refusing to go, as he has to get dressed (something else he hates) but will go happily if i dont make him getted dressed and let him go in his pj's and flip flops.

Im obviously asking him to a lot of things he doesnt like all in one go. Would you let him go in pj's or make him getted dressed?

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:30:52

Sorry i keep typing 'getted' today, instead of 'get'

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Wed 24-Apr-13 13:32:25

I'd let him go in his jim jams. Some things are not worth fighting so choose your battles carefully. wink Sounds like you have enough progress for one day.

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 13:33:19

I'd make him get dressed, but in something easy like track suit bottoms and a t shirt. I'd compromise on the flipflops.
How old is he?

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 13:34:29

smile You have to decide, you'll get a different opinion with every poster!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:41:44

Track suit bottoms and t-shirts are all he wears anyhow. He is 9.

Obviously i can make him get dressed, it will involve lots of going stiff and prising arms and legs, trying to run away and hiding etc.

But it will set the tone for the whole shopping trip, he will refuse to get in the car, he will refuse to get out of the car, he will refuse to carry the list or get the items or push the trolley etc, etc.

What could be a happy, nice experience, will turn into a horrid one, for us both.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Wed 24-Apr-13 13:43:35

I really wouldn't. Have you thought of shopping online?? smile Have the OT's come up with anything helpful?

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 13:47:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dinkysmummy Wed 24-Apr-13 13:56:09

If it were Dinky I'd let her go in her pjs

Progress is progress, but I would point out that others may look at him funny as pjs are not your normal supermarket clothes.

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 13:58:37

Lady, the whole point of this was to get him near food, handling food, choosing food that he will eat. To help with his food phobia and restricted diet.

with the bonus of getting him to write too, something else he hates doing.

Another bonus would have been getting dressed too.

I wont actually be doing any shopping, only ds getting the items he has written on his list.

I cant usually take ds shopping with me when i do a food shop, he stays at home with his brother.

Ds has been under dieticians, feeding clinics, OT's, CAMHS feeding group previously for years, with very little progress.

lougle Wed 24-Apr-13 14:00:26

I would thank him and congratulate him for making a list. I would tell him that we won't go shopping today because he won't get dressed, but that it's a shame because you had planned to buy <<insert really appealing something>> while you were there.

Progress is progress, but if you let him go to the shop in his PJs then you have another battle ahead. So, count the progress as writing about something he hates (food).

GoblinGranny Wed 24-Apr-13 14:01:25

In that case, the food is the priority, so I've changed my mind and I'd let him go in his pjs. Select food, eat food.
Outdoor clothes can be another day.

LadyMaryQuiteContrary Wed 24-Apr-13 14:02:47

sad Oh, I see. Small steps, claw. I wouldn't get him to get changed as well, it may be a step too far IYKWIM. Best of luck. smile brew

armani Wed 24-Apr-13 14:06:40

I would let him go in his pjs. Sod what other people think! Good luck!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 14:11:00

Lougle, not going shopping would suit ds just fine, he would much rather stay home. There isnt anything material that i could possible buy for him, to motivate him.

I have used his wanting to 'control' everything to motivate him to want to go. He decides what goes on the list, he pushes the trolley, he holds the list, he puts the food in etc, etc.

Obviously ive come unstuck, as he also wants to control the getting dressed too smile

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 14:13:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 14:18:58

Right, we seemed to have reached a compromise, he will wear a jumper over the top of his pj top and socks and trainers instead of flip flops.

I think that compromise is good enough for now. We are off to the shops smile

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 14:23:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrslaughan Wed 24-Apr-13 17:17:22

I wouldn't - choose your battles to win the war.
The object of the exercise seems to get him engaged in the purchasing of his food/ shopping/ writing, save the getting out of pj's for next time

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 18:02:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 18:40:17

It went well, no fuss whatsoever smile

Spinning in circles, spinning on the floor and running in the supermarket was greatly reduced due to him pushing the trolley and obviously not feeling as anxious as he would having to deal with 'my food' too in the trolley. We had the odd spin, here and there, when we stopped, but nothing like if i try to take him shopping with me on a normal shop.

His current diet is

breakfast: honey hoops (no milk)
lunch: toast
dinner: 3 yorkshire puddings

Snacks of crisps and apple

On his shopping list he put

green apples
lettuce (new)
carrots (has eaten in the past, but not for a very long time)
yorkshire puddings
sausage rolls (has eaten in the past etc)
peanuts (has eaten in the past etc)
cabbage (new)

He had eaten his lunch of toast before we went shopping. When we got back he had two slices of french bread and butter and a bowl of raw cabbage (and ate it!!)

2 mini sausages rolls are now cooking in the oven to go with his yorkshire puds for dinner!!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 18:45:40

Oh and he picked up his own food, put in his trolley and crossed off his list.

He needed a bit of help with staying organised, he was flapping about holding the list, the pen, the trolley and having to pick up food, getting a bit confused as to how to do it and needed a bit of prompting. But other than that, he was fine smile

PolterGoose Wed 24-Apr-13 19:04:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mrslaughan Wed 24-Apr-13 19:15:03

amazing - well done you! and DS!

claw2 Wed 24-Apr-13 19:28:59

and he has just eaten one of the sausage rolls and the yorkshires!

A new food AND something he hasnt eaten in years!

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