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Expectations?

12 replies

Plus3 · 22/04/2013 20:14

Hello. Is it possible to be be so undecided about your own child? By that, I mean I know something is wrong, but I don't know what. He is struggling at school, seeing a private OT for sensory issues

I swing between it being the end of the world & he will be diagnosed with HFA/Aspergers, to there being no problem & he will just grow up abit more.

DS was seen in school today by the dr who thinks he may have a social commuication disorder/processing issues. He has recently been assessed by SALT, but I have no results.
I just need to know. I need everyone else to stop telling me he is normal whilst school keep raising issues.

Today I feel like I am cheating him. Other days I feel like I am his one & only advocate.

DS is 9 & gorgeous, loving and funny. I want his path through life to be easy & care free.

I need to get a grip.

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cansu · 22/04/2013 20:30

I think it is natural to try to explain away problems. I could see my dd had problems long before I voiced them as I didn't want to believe they were true. I suppose the thing you need to focus on is whether he needs more help or might need more help in the future. If the answer is yes then getting some kind of diagnosis makes it easier for you to access or fight for that help. I fully appreciate though that accepting there might be a problem is not at all easy.

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lougle · 22/04/2013 20:33

Oh totally - DD1 is 7, she goes to special school, has been statemented for almost half her life and I still have times when I think 'get a grip, she's fiiineeeeee' then have other times when I'm stunned by the crushing realisation that she's that far behind.

'Tis a rollercoaster, this SN lark, wherever you are in the ride

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Plus3 · 22/04/2013 21:37

Roller coaster sums it up. I hate bloody roller coasters

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crazeelaydee · 22/04/2013 21:51

Plus3 ditto about the roller coasters , we had moments during our Ds's earlier years when he stopped us in our tracks with a raised eyebrow but it was not until he reached 6 that it all came to a head and he was Dx'd only recently aged 8 with Asperger's. I have so many days when I think 'he only does x, y, z because of 1, 2, 3' then I see something that triggers flash visions of his future .
It actually took 5 different professionals and a written report of his difficulties (which I have read 100's of times now) before I eventually said ok, he definatly has As........or does he???

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Plus3 · 22/04/2013 22:07

I read so much around all of this things - to the point where it seems so obvious that he has Asperger's, then the next day I doubt it again.

I am angry, confused and sad. We don't even have a diagnosis yet. Will it make a difference?

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Handywoman · 22/04/2013 22:19

Can I join the undecided gang, plus3? I deffo also need to get a grip. Big time. Sometimes I think dd2's hearing loss is the only issue, then she'll throw one of her curveballs, like picking up a flyer for membership to a museum then fly right off the handle because I'm not actually joining so therefore should not have picked it up and I know there's a raft of other stuff going on, but I only have 2 girls so what do I know?

Am off in search of

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armani · 22/04/2013 22:24

I too have days where I am in denial, I have only recently began to accept how different dd is from her peers. It's very hard, frightening and confusing. A few weeks ago I went to a general phonics meeting with lots of nt parents (dd attends ms school). I left the meeting, in tears and sobbing as I then finally realised dd would not just catch up and how far behind she actually was :( I sobbed the whole way home, I was crying for what dd was missing out on, her view of the world etc. it breaks me.

One thing I know for sure is I love my daughter and will always be there for her to help and support her. I am dedicating my life to her and will be with her every step of our journey.

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Plus3 · 22/04/2013 22:33

See, my DS has 2 friends - one has a degenerative muscle disorder & they are brilliant together. The other is so like my son- geeky, faddy, melts down fairly frequently (in fact DS said the other day 'friend would do so much better if he actually used some common sense' ) but he's not being labelled, his parents are having to go to drs trying to find out what's wrong.

Gah. Got a big dose of self pity tonight. Sorry. Somebody kick me.

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