DD just diagnosed with ASD can anyou help, advise?

[whtsmum]

My ds is 8yrs, I have been asking for help with his behaviour since he was 2 or 3yrs. Doctor said he was just a naughty boy, and that I was suffering with pre-natal depession, and signed me off work. (I was 3 months pregnant.) When I went back after having my dd, I told her no change, still couldn't cope with sons behaviour, I was put on antidepressants, and still on them. Doctor sudgested home start. The lady came in and basically said, well look at your relasionship in your marriage, what do you expect, its your fault. (She was obviously unaware of the statistics of marriages when a child has behavioural protblems).
Next step was school, they sent round sure start, mmmmmmmmmmmm, the sticker charts went well!!! not!!! he ripped them up within days. And, I refuse to reward bad behaviour.
The next was a child phycologist, a waste of time, when I asked how if went, she said she couldn't tell me due to patient confidentially!! Balls to that, he's my son!! Again useless. By now he was 6yrs, and still no help.
After refussing to leave a consultants appointment regarding hypermobility until the consultant would listen to me about his behaviour, she reffered him to a behavioural specialist, needless to say 5 months later he has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Still no help, still everyone in the house suffering!! Can anyone help me with where to go next, sociel services won't help, who will?????
And to top it off in november last year after the specialist recomending a behavioural specialist, I went to my doctor, told that it was my fault I couldn't cope as I hadn't been taking the antidepressants, and maybe we should look into emergancy care for him. Told him where he could go, then cried solidly for days!!

[Dinkysmummy]

I can't give any advice but can offer my deepest sympathy for what you have gone through!

It seems hard to get through to some of these 'professionals' that behavioural problems are not always the direct result of bad parenting.

[Ineedmorepatience]

Really feel for you, you shouldnt have been treated like this.
Next time you see your GP remind him that your son has a diagnosis of autism and while you understand that he cant be an expert in everything he should at least have a basic understanding of a condition that effects families so much

You have come to the right place now, there are lots of people on here who can help you. Decide what behaviour you want to change first and then come back here and ask a specific question and everyone will try to help.

Be kind to yourself too

[whtsmum]

Its really the violence towards us all, mainly his 5yr old sister. He is a big lad, 137cm, nearly 8 stone. So he has some strength behing him, awaiting to see dietision and OT over wieght. (There is no need for anyone to comment on his wieght, it is NOT what he eats.)

[Sallystyle]

I have no advice because I am in the exact same situation. My son is violent too.

I am having very little luck with getting support and the stuff they have offered does nothing.

No advice, but know I am right there with you and feel free to message me any time you need to talk and moan. Just two days ago I cried myself to sleep at the hardness of it all.

[AnotherAlias]

yikes - I thought professionals had gone beyond saying children were simply 'naughty'

www.senmagazine.co.uk/articles/1174-why-behaviour-is-never-bad

meanwhile - what are school doing to help? - is he violent in school for instance? could stress at school be making things at home worse?

I don't know enough about social services to say whether you should see them or not - but I wonder if you could get help on the basis that your 5 year old may be in danger from him ? as I say, I don't know what the implications of this would be - so hopefully someone more knowledgeable will be along soon (eg. I know I would be afraid that if I told SS that my son was viscious (not saying your ds is - mine can be), that they would take him away - which he (literally) couldn't stand. However I don't really know if the would do that - I have NO knowledge or experience of SS.

[Sallystyle]

I should probably say that we don't have the official diagnosis yet but he scored high on the screening and everyone is 99.9% sure he has it, just waiting for the final assessment with the ASD team.

His violence right now is awful, he is only a tiny little thing but when he is angry he has some massive strength and when I have to restrain him for others safety it is really difficult.

[Ineedmorepatience]

You definitely need to ask a specific question about something like violence because the best people to help you are people who have been in the same situation.

In the meantime, do you have a punch bag or large cushion that he could be allowed to hit when he is feeling the aggression setting in.

Do you use visuals? I use a red and yellow card like the footballers to help Dd3 understand that her behaviour is unacceptable.

Good luck.

[crazeelaydee]

whtsmum unbelievable! Obviously incompetent 'professionals'
No child falls out of bed in a morning and after pondering for a while decides that he/she is going to be really naughty today. Well that's what I believe and always have. Change Doctors this one is as much use as a chocolate fireguard.

[someoneoutthere]

Hi whtsmum, have you looked into ABA (applied behaviour analysis)? My son was diagnosed with classic autism at 2.5 years, he was very difficult to deal with. Although not violent, he was difficult with everything else you can think of, food, sleep etc. we started ABA with him at the age of 4 and now at 7, he is most of the time the best behaved boy in his class and at home too. ABA has helped with all his difficult behavioural problems, what it has not helped with much is his speech. There are some very knowledgeable people on MN who can point you towards how to go about it if you ask.