So two year ld gets his Autism Dx a couple of weeks so and we are waiting to see the clinical psychologist to have next steps meeting. Meanwhile, DF is over this week visiting us (we do not live in the UK and he has not seen DS since DS was 9 months old).
I decide to ot tell him about DX til he has been here a couple of days and had a chance to pay with/meet his grandson. I didn't involve him in the run up to diagnosis as tbh, what support could he actually give? Ad I couldn't cope with more hassle and questions. I did tell MIL both of worries and the Dx process and results and she has been fab, offering support, reading books we have found helpful and saying we are doing a great job.
I tell dad we have no way to tell him this easily but DS has been diagnosed with autism, at present his symptoms are mild and he has been referred for early intervention programme.
Dad responded and it really upset me. I just need to put it down here and try to laugh about it. And see if I got a full house of unhelpful remarks!
- 'this person who came up with this so called diagnosis, are you paying her? I wouldn't be sure you weren't being taken for a ride'
(There is no NHS here and health insurance won't cover diagnosis process so yes dad, we paid. The person diagnosing is a clinical psychologist, board-certified and published, who runs a clinic offrng ABA and Denver Model amongst other services)
- 'well, he doesn't seem at all like he has it to me' (after a few hours swimming with DS)
-'you seem very anxious about him, are you sure you haven't caused this?'
-'I have actually studied child development, have you? No.'
(He did teacher training in the 1960s!)
-'My godson didn't talk til he was 4 and now he speaks in perfect sentences'
- 'you must NEVER tell anyone. They will treat him differently.'
-' you are socially isolated. If he met other children regularly or was at nursery...'
(I am SAHM who takes DS to 4 toddler groups, 2 soft play sessions and a Friday afternoon play date every week. Except when I have visitors.)
-'all mothers worry with their first. You need other interests. You should send him to nursery and do something while he is there'
-'you always did too much reading and research. You can convince yourself of anything if you look at the Internet'
-'you're too defensive. You should listen to me better. And you ought to get a second opinion, I would if get one of having building work done on my house'
(At this pont DH interrupts and says there is nothing in the 12 page report he disagrees with about DS and that it is uncannily accurate and perfectly describes the little boy we love'
I am so fucking angry and a few days later he is on about it again, having met someone offering 'Super nanny' services locally, who is an educational psychologist, says we ought to call her in.
I love my father but he has been incredibly unhelpful.
And breathe.
And ...did you get anything similar and were there any gems he missed?
...yes mum I know ...I took him and held him down for it !!!
)
