I have namechanged because I really don't want a casual searcher to find this. I am not a troll and I am happy to tell you who I am by pm if you want or need me to. I am begging you before I start to please not flame me because I know how what I am going to say will sound and it has taken a lot of courage to even type it.
I have had enough of being a parent to my kids. I don't want to do it any more. I am sick of pretending on here and in real life that I am any good. I can't stand the constant noise the constant screaming and screeching. Today I realised I have had enough when I googled 'how to make yourself deaf'
I just keep fantasising about being deaf. Then I couldn't hear them and I could cope.
But right now, when they are screeching I have a clenching in my chest and I feel like I am going to have a heart attack. I feel breathless. I live on here as a way to block them out. I feel like I am going to die when they are jumping and yelling. It's like someone has my chest in a vice.
I tried to tell my husband and he laughed. He thought I was joking, I think.
But I am not joking. I want to poke something in my ears and never have to hear the constant beeping and screeching and whooping because I truly don't think I can cope any more.
My other choice is to drive off a bridge and I am about a week of screaming in my ear away from doing that.
Please don't flame me, I really need some help here.
Getting your husband to understand how you are feeling seems critical. Can you be unequivocal? Force him to see that you mean it? If not, is there someone else who can tell him? Hearing it from a trusted third party might help - they don't need to know the gory details, just that you are having trouble coping.
He is at work all day yes, but he's here by 6 and at weekends, so there's not that much difference. But he's never done any of their therapies or anything. That's always been me. Never done any research, that's always been me. Never got down on the floor and taught them those things that nt kids pick up but we have to teach ours. He's just laid back and casual while I put all the hours in to try to teach them how to function in the world. He just tells them off if they don't behave 'appropriately'. It's very frustrating.
Don't get me wrong, he loves them and he's really good with them and he's there for them - he's there fighting for them when it comes to statements etc, it's just that he, I don't know. I don't know how to describe it.
Your husband sounds just like my dp, it's very frustrating always being the one responsible for every aspect of their SN. I do all the appointments, all the exercises at home, all the dealing with school, all the managing their behaviour and it's exhausting.
Yes, I am. It was after they were diagnosed that the people who worked with them picked it up in me. But I am married, working, have children, so I feel that I should be able to function. I just cannot bear the noise. I feel like if the noise was removed then I would be able to function perfectly.
willillimillimilliwillimemememee-e-e-e- is what I hear right now, for example. It's constant and it is driving me, honestly and without exaggeration, insane.