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DS aged 5 becoming very agressive

(10 Posts)
dietstartstmoz Mon 08-Apr-13 19:50:53

tell me it will eventually pass before I throttle the little fecker! It has been going on for a few weeks now, he is HFA. When the world does not go his way, or we don't do what he wants IMMEDIATELY, if we tell him he cant do/have something now we have huge screaming fits, threats to kill me and hitting me. After a particularly disastrous trip to the park today I came home and cried. He has been sweetness himself since our return. But I could have easily have walked out of the park and left him today. 45 mins of screaming tantrums and running off. Please tell me he will eventually understand that he cannot have his own way all the time and it will get easier. DH is now putting him to bed-and breeaaatheeeeee...........

Dinkysmummy Mon 08-Apr-13 20:06:14

Don't know what to say flowers
Mine is 5 too, very agressive but doesn't have a dx yet.
I hope it gets better.

dietstartstmoz Mon 08-Apr-13 20:27:59

Thanks, I started the supernanny thread recently. I need to spend more time reading up on techniques etc but in the past 11 days the only break I have had from DS has been to visit a relative in hospital. By the time he has eventually fallen asleep I am too tired. I told him if it carried on there would be a sanction when he got home (no gadgets), he carried on so when we got home I didn't let him have his beloved gadget. He did apologise after being told to, and I asked him if he knew why he was apologising he said 'because I said I would kill you' so he did understand that bit. Its just been a very long 11 days with a screaming 5 yr old. Oh well, back to work tomorrow - a break for me!

Walter4 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:09:23

Hi diet,there are a few of us here with dc diagnosed with PDA . Although your son has HFA the methods advised for children with PDA my also effective for your son. Might be worth a look, my ds is also aggressive and very difficult if things don't go his way ALL the time. He an also be totally charming!

Hallybear79 Mon 08-Apr-13 21:54:47

brew it's vile isn't it?! We've had a day out today & if I had a pound for all the stares & funny looks at out DS's behaviour I'd be able to retire tomorrow.

dietstartstmoz Mon 08-Apr-13 22:03:01

Yes we had lots of stares and looks today, he just has this intense frustration and rage and then he will be giggling while i am still stressed and annoyed with him. I have found lots of PDA threads and will try and read them asap but its been impossible for the past few weeks. Thanks for the sympathy-i just needed to vent. Not many people in rl 'get it'.

PolterGooseLaidAChocolateEgg Mon 08-Apr-13 22:30:32

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HotheadPaisan Mon 08-Apr-13 22:37:10

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kleinzeit Tue 09-Apr-13 09:44:03

Sympathy…. kids with ASCs do often react to “good” excitement and “bad” stress in the same way. We kept life a lot more boring after DS was diagnosed. Not many long or new or exciting family outings, just went on short trips to familiar places when possible. Anything that disrupted his routine tended to make him bad-tempered and aggressive, so it’s always a bit of a juggling effort trying to balance out the need to give DS a bit of variety (because he does get bored!) and gradually learn to cope with more new situations, against keeping him (mostly) calm and manageable. At times I decided to say, sod it, I know he’s probably going to go off on one sometime during the day or afterwards, but it’s worth it so we’ll go ahead with the outing and to hell with anyone who’s watching, I've had a few rude remarks from total strangers but I have practised a stare that can freeze hell smile. Other times I’d say, not worth the effort, we’ll just keep things calm and not do the trip.

To be honest, it might sound pathetic but at about that age I gave DS his own way whenever I could. Because he found it so hard to communicate some things, by the time I’d worked out what he wanted he was already boiling with frustration and he couldn’t bear to hear a “no”! So if at all possible I’d go along with what he wanted. I relied a lot on routine to keep things going, he liked routine and if he knew what was coming next then he didn’t usually argue over it. It was the unexpected things – things he didn’t expect to happen, hadn’t planned for in his own head! - that tended to throw him into a rage. I used to draw little timetables for the day or stick magnetic cards on a board with “breakfast” “park” “lunch” “quiet time” “telly” “shopping” “tea” on them. And I did five-minute warnings and countdowns for when it was time to go home - for some reason he found numbers soothing so countdowns were great. We still got more than our fair share of tantrums though.

And before anyone says I spoiled him, I’d like to point out that after I’d been working hard on giving him his own way for a few weeks his class teacher said to me “I don’t know what you’re doing at home but whatever it is keep going, his behaviour in school is much better”! (I didn’t dare admit I was just trying to let him have his own way smile) And after a few months he asked me for the scissors (I kept charge of them after a scissor-chucking incident sad) and I tried asking him “do you need them now or can you wait five minutes while I finish this email?” and he thought for a second and said “five minutes” - so then I knew I was winning.

PS do try not to murder him just yet flowers DS was wildly aggressive at about age 5, but he has gradually calmed down and gained self control. He's a teenager now and although he can still be verbally snappish we haven’t had a physically violent outburst in a very long time.

PolterGooseLaidAChocolateEgg Tue 09-Apr-13 10:37:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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