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Autumnsmum here I need some advice please about my son and school sorry long

(11 Posts)
autumnsmum Tue 19-Mar-13 18:25:02

Hello I know I normally post here about dd but its been a dreadful week and I now need some advice about ds. My ds is eight and has a diagnosis of high functioning autism but no statement .He has had intermittent periods of school refusal since reception .To be blunt yr3 has been a disaster I confess to having had my eye off the ball with my son as I have had my hands full with dds diagnosis and statement and partners mental health issues . Anyway my son has been told he isn't allowed to go swimming and he isn't allowed to do art now he has to go to another class . He is also repeatedly missing golden time , this isn't being reported to us by the teacher . The senco phoned my partner today and they had a long chat . We have a meeting next week with the school I would love some tips I feel I have let him down totally . All the issues seem to involve silliness and shouting out not violence .

MareeyaDolores Tue 19-Mar-13 18:50:19

You haven't let him down. You're his mum, not his teacher.

You only need three tips
1) Take a more-or-less independent witness, who can make notes
2) Ask the school how they plan to give him swimming and art lessons
3) Find out exactly what senco said, what dp told them, and get him to email senco saying 'this was my understanding of our discussion'. Parental MH issues confuse schools, some assume autism symptoms are due to family stress.

Ineedmorepatience Tue 19-Mar-13 19:04:52

Hi autumnsmum sorry you are having to deal with this. I agree with mareeya this is not your fault.

The staff at the school shouldnt be punishing your Ds by depriving of his education. Why are they saying that he cant do swimming or art? Is he a safety risk to himself or others? If he is then they should be looking at his level of support.

Hope your meeting goes ok.

Good lucksmile

autumnsmum Tue 19-Mar-13 19:35:33

Thank you everyone he isn't a safety risk or at least they haven't told me if he is according to my ds it's for talking .To be honest I can't cope with much more

Ineedmorepatience Tue 19-Mar-13 21:15:08

So if he isnt a safety risk then they need to explain to you why he is being deprived of these vital parts of his education!

Can you apply for a statement for him autumnsmum I know you have had a lot on your plate so understand if you can't.

Are you generally happy with the school? We moved Dd3 after Easter of yr 3 because she was so unhappy and the school were never going to meet her needs with or without a Dx [which she didnt have at the time]

she has absolutely thrived since we moved her, her school is inclusive and every child is an indivdual. At her old school it was like trying to bang a square peg into a round hole.

Try to be kind to yourselfsmile

autumnsmum Wed 20-Mar-13 07:01:23

Thank you everyone he told me yesterday he got thrown out of yet another lesson .This is neverending

ilikemysleep Wed 20-Mar-13 08:33:22

If he is not allowed to go for reasoned relating to his disability then that is discrimination and illegal. They need to show they haver tried to make reasonable adjustments to try to enable him to participate. Mention the Equalities Act (formerly Disability Discrimination act) you can download parent info resources free from here:

best of luck

ilikemysleep Wed 20-Mar-13 08:33:46

clickable, sorry

autumnsmum Wed 20-Mar-13 12:32:49

Thank you everyone I spoke to the head today and she said she wants to keep ds in the school and that the time might have come for a statement which is positive.

pinktoothbrush Wed 20-Mar-13 14:10:55

Pleased your meeting with the Head went well. Definitely do not blame yourself over this - it's impossible to find the time to manage the education of a child with special needs even when the rest of life is running smoothly. My son sounds a bit like yours - hfa and does shouting out, repeating silliness and not following instructions, but we have a statement which means he has a teaching assistant most of the time who can steer him back on track. If you do go down the statement route, it's useful to have a note of all the problems he's encountered, so might be a good idea to write anything down. One of the difficulties with the statement process is that you really do need to focus on the negative - totally opposite to how as a parent and most teachers want to report. Good luck.

Peppapigisnotmyname Thu 21-Mar-13 21:08:07

My DS is 8 and has ASD. He is very bright, is in mainstream with a statement. He is achieving things I never thought possible smile karate, swimming, had taken part in assemblies at school, is in the choir etc some of which he does unsupported. He's been statemented since yr 1 and its made a huge difference. Your DS should not be excluded but supported. As pink toothbrush says, the statementing process has to be negative to justify funding.

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