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Consequences for DC with PDA, and handling a current crisis

(102 Posts)
HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:21:34

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lougle Fri 08-Mar-13 19:24:03

Can you opt for 'natural consequences'. So, he makes a mess, you just don't have time to do x for him because you are too busy clearing up, etc?

HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:34:02

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ponyandpotatopie Fri 08-Mar-13 19:38:15

My ds doesn't have a dx of PDA but we have been told he meets the criteria for diagnosis.
I use role play with puppets a lot to explain consequences and how his actions can affect himself and others- how other people feel etc.

lougle Fri 08-Mar-13 19:43:55

Have you identified triggers?

Not the same thing at all, I'm sure, but DD3 is 3.11. She is going through a phase (please let it be a phase) of refusing to do something just because it is my idea.

So, at a Mothers' Day church service, trying to keep her entertained and distracted from wanting to go and sit next to DD2 <whimper> I drew a 'number matching game' for her.

She adores number matching (drawing lines from the number on the left side to the matching number on the right side). However, because I had suggested it, she resolutely refused to do it, pushing it away.

I chose to ignore it. I resolutely looked up at the children and ignored her hitting my feet and pushing my legs. After a few minutes, she looked at me out of the corner of her eye, and did the number matching.

I then stuffed up royally, by drawing her a little star to congratulate her. She told me in no uncertain terms that she didn't want a stupid star <sigh>

So in our 'phase' we are discovering that the way to deal with her is to just present the 'thing' and say nothing. If she does it, she does it, if comment.

Sorry, I've warbled on and DD3 doesn't even have a complex SN like PDA....I was just musing about how to get the job done without triggering demands. blush

HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:46:13

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HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:49:33

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HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:51:12

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lougle Fri 08-Mar-13 19:52:55

So what is stopping you?

lougle Fri 08-Mar-13 19:54:03

Ahh hitting and throwing.

Yes, DD1 had us there, too.

Walter4 Fri 08-Mar-13 19:55:21

Hothead, with my son , if things get to that uncontrollable stage nothing relating to dealing with the immediate behaviour will work. We look at the background cause of his stress and try to remove/deal with that. With his behaviour we try to nurture him, do things that make him calm and relaxed, let him direct it all as much as possible till that complete inability to cope with absolutely everything gradually subsides. Not sure if I'm making any sense?! I just really feel with PDA sometimes when its so bad you have to just try to do LESS, almost like trying to calm the waters while looking for the cause in the background and trying to remove or lessen that for him. Maybe not the way for you but it helps at times like that for our son. We get no where trying to look at the behaviour and DEAL with it, at least not at the " uncontrollable " times you are in at the moment. Trust how you feel you should deal with your son, you're most likely to be right!

HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:55:41

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HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 19:58:13

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PolterGoose Fri 08-Mar-13 20:00:55

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ponyandpotatopie Fri 08-Mar-13 20:03:03

My ds's school control his environment very carefully. Could it be linked to his environment justbhaving much sensory input so he becomes disregulated?

Walter4 Fri 08-Mar-13 20:03:34

The hitting and throwing, we try to turn away, not react too much ( I know its difficult and is horrible) I tend to move away as I know he's about to do it, or distract him. Sometimes it goes mad for a while here too , but still we don't duel with the actual hitting , but look for why its got to that stage. It's awful I hate the hitting and throwing , but find reacting makes that incident worse and brings loads more after it!!
Think I'm starting to become a bit numb:/

PolterGoose Fri 08-Mar-13 20:09:05

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Walter4 Fri 08-Mar-13 20:14:38

Hothead, I think school gets a bit tougher for them at that age, mine is only nearly 5, social stuff is more complex, work is harder and perhaps he is seeing his own difficulties which I feel will increase my sons anxiety.

It sound like other people aren't using PDA methods with him, do they have all the info, PDA book,the PDA contact group do some great educational guidelines for school that are clear and short to read for them. My son punches us and hits relentlessly, almost goes into violent role play and he's still 4, I'm sure its much worse at 7 ! The hardest thing is getting other people to do what we know our children need. You're poor boy must be struggling too, wish I could do more.....

ponyandpotatopie Fri 08-Mar-13 20:18:00

We used to walk away but ds would follow us and carry on. It was awful. Restraining him just made it worse. He's grown out of the hitting for the most part now though.
He copies what he sees though and he only has to see a behaviour once to copy it. I think that he started hitting us when a so called 'friend' at primary school was hitting him.

PolterGoose Fri 08-Mar-13 20:21:23

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lougle Fri 08-Mar-13 20:25:30

DD1 would hit me, then when that got no response, she'd hit her sister. I then had two choices: Deal with her, leaving the hurt child to console themselves, or deal with the hurt child, leaving her free to hit the other sibling.

If I shut her out of the room, she'd climb the bannisters (wobbly) or do other death-defying things.

It really was an impossible situation. In fact, I have video footage of the Learning Disabilities nurse trying to implement the 'naughty step'. She'd be told she could get off, and she'd be walking down the hallway with her hands like claws, ready to attack with a huge grin on her face. Totally in her own little game world.

The thing that made it harder was that the other two didn't understand to 'stay away' if I was restraining her. They thought I didn't want them near me. I had to teach them 'be safe' as a command.

Now, we have SS help, KIDS club and Home Start, which covers 4 days out of the 5.

HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 20:50:10

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PolterGoose Fri 08-Mar-13 21:16:19

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MareeyaDolores Fri 08-Mar-13 21:26:22

Gosh lougle, I'd repressed forgotten how long we spent doing 'stay safe' with dd when controlling ds1 didn't work.

HotheadPaisan Fri 08-Mar-13 21:48:27

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