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Who has moved to get help for their child?

(88 Posts)
bjkmummy Mon 18-Feb-13 14:12:09

Something we are seriously considering if we lose the tribunal. We have moved lots as DH was in the armed forces. Really hoped this was the last move but things have changed so much now.

Scottishdancer Mon 18-Feb-13 14:56:44

We haven't moved yet, but house is on the market, as we will have to move to get the school we want. Tribunal in March and they are already saying we live too far away from the school we have chosen. Ds has a lot of anxiety and sleep issues, so would never cope with boarding. Just need the house to sell!!!

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 14:59:32

we have moved once already and I am currently looking at houses to rent when we move again next month to an area where the LEA is sympathetic to ABA,so ds1 has the right environment when he starts reception. DS1 is 3.7.

We have resigned to the fact that we might never have a permanent base again. Just because an LEA/school are supportive now does not mean they will be in the future. so I plan to get out at the first sign of trouble rather than wait for things to deteriorate.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Mon 18-Feb-13 15:20:17

Wait for the tribunal ruling before you decide to up sticks but I can see how the lack of a Plan B if you lose causes panic as losing seems unthinkable to me on the run-up to tribunal.

We moved into the rental sector and over the county border to rent in the catchment area of smallest middle school when the Statement was not completed in time for transition.

We are trying to keep school stability for DS2 whilst it is worth it and county stability pending tribunal but will do it again when necessary.

No family nearby to lose though.

Scottish - are you going for CA? Good luck for March - we are in May naming Frewen. It will involve DS boarding though and he does have anxiety issues. Do you think you could PM me as this may be an argument put against us so I was alarmed to hear your choice is considered too far away. Is this because you have named day? (Sorry for the highjack bjk).

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 18-Feb-13 15:24:21

We're travellers too now. Never thought we would be but nothing is going to feel permenant again.

It's actually quite freeing in some ways.

Where you off to now Dev? You been changing your mind?

tbh, you think it will be disruptive for the kids, but actually they have been here a year and are asking when we'll move into a new house/school/area.

And also, moving makes you always feel on holiday a bit, as you discover new parks, shops, restaurants, walks, clubs. It's quite good fun.

zzzzz Mon 18-Feb-13 15:29:59

We moved to get "peace" not help IYSWIM.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Mon 18-Feb-13 15:44:40

I agree with star I actually prefer renting and both DS1 and DS2 have no attachment to the bricks and mortar (although I think we might be in the wattle and daub territory here). DC talk about the features they want the next house to have (tree house and bedroom near the stairs). We rent places we could never afford to buy and would never want to. You can rent according to your needs in the present and not what they will be in 5-10 years.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 17:25:06

(You been changing your mind?)

star At the moment, it's a toss up between Islington and Westninster, mainly because we are thinking of using AP's therapy centre in North London.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 18-Feb-13 18:03:35

There's a fab mainstream state school in Westminster, with a unit.

If I were ever to live there (in my dreams), ds would attend that school. It's amazing.

silverfrog Mon 18-Feb-13 18:09:02

We have, several times.

We are a bit more settled now, and just last year bought a house, but I wouldn't say we'll never move again - if we need to, to get better provision for dd1 (or dd2, or ds in the future - who knows what we'll be needing!) then we'll up sticks again.

dd1 is 8. She has lived in 7 different houses so far, and 4 of those were as a result of direct educational choices.

we too have always moved lots, and so it is not a particularly daunting thought. but part of me would like to settle for a bit now

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:10:07

Is there? can you share which one it is?

I was told that Westminster have joined forces with Hammersmith & Fulham and Chelsea and are pushing for Queen Elizabeth special school instead of ABA etc.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 18-Feb-13 18:12:49


StarlightMcKenzie Mon 18-Feb-13 18:13:26

I cried when I saw it.

Westminster is beyond even my capabilities for arranging things.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:15:44

Silverfrog this will be the 5th house for ds1 when we move next month since he was born, so we are well on way to beat your record of 7 houses by the time ds1 is 8. and yes, I would like to settle down too, I thought we had when we bought our house 3 years ago. But we have peace of mind in the knowledge that ds1 and ds2 will have the best available to them in terms of services/provision and that's what matters right.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:19:05

thanks star, will have a look.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 18-Feb-13 18:19:06

Though, I was looking forward to you joining us down this part of the world.....

Silver We're buying a house, but still don't consider it a permenant address, just that a mortgage for 18 months would save us money on rent here (yes really), so I'm not especially attached to the house we are buying, it just feels like another temp thing.

And, - it's across the road......

Tell me. Did you hire a removal van, because I'm sure it would take more effort to load stuff in and out than just take it the few feet down the road.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 18:22:08

star never say never. This is still not a permanent move. East Sheen primary school is what I have my eye on a year down the line.

float62 Mon 18-Feb-13 18:40:04

I moved, from Devon to West Sussex as I knew their was NO local provision for my ASC ds (then age 9), and by then our reputation had been destroyed locally anyway - me LP, HA tenant, ds excluded at 7 because of my bad parenting of course. Lucky that I was an HA tenant and did a 4-way swap across the country. I had explored the provision in WS and there was/is more here. However we had more turmoil and a big 'struggle' with the LEA on moving, months before they agreed a place at all (had to go to LGO to spur them on) finally having to accept (no fight left in me) an highly unsuitable ms placement that ended disastrously (in a pretty epic way!). After a bit of PRU, the LEA had to go for independent specialist provision and just over a year later ds is doing great, my funny, cheery little boy is back. We did another local move even closer to the school to a lovely, accepting neighbourhood and a better house too. So, it really can be a good thing to move.

silverfrog Mon 18-Feb-13 18:45:14

star grin - we really are leading parallel lives!

yes, we did hire a removal van to move 4 doors down... we too bought in part because it is cheaper than renting, and that's even with dh having a stupidly short mortgage n account of being old grin. bonkers bloody rents round here - it is eyewatering to think what we spent renting for 2 years...

we have a ton of mahoosive furniture, and a houseful of books and other assorted crap, so a removals firm was the only way to go, tbh. it took them 3 days to pack, move and do a rough unpack (kitchen, bedding). the van only moved once a day, on the second and third days, with the really heavy stuff in (ie king size mattresses) and boxes. otherwise, we had a human chain of our stuff walked down the road - 4 guys, all doing a mini 20m relay each, handing over boxes/bits of furniture/whatever. was quite surreal (and frankly, bonkers - this was when we had the hot weather back in May, so they were on the go constantly in blazing heat all day long)

dev - we now have ds to set records with grin. so far, dd1 has: lived in 3 houses by the time she was 3 (in 3 countries!), 5 houses by the time she was 5 (and dd2 had lived in 3 by the time she was 3 at that point, iyswim), and 7 houses by the time she was 7 (and 5 for dd2 by the time she was 5....). we won't make it 8/8 for dd1 (I sincerely hope!), but ds is on 1/1 right now - so we've got 18 months to move if we want to keep him on track grin.

I have never, in my life, lived anywhere for more than 3.5 years, and I think dh's longest stint is 4.5 years, so we're no stranger to moving!

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 18-Feb-13 18:45:16

I had my eye on that school too at one point (living near it would have been even more of a stretch for us though). But you know what is now, isn't what will be.

There's a bit of a UK swipe of ABA in light of the fact that ABA is currently a real threat.

No school wants to be seen to welcome ABA as it will by default become an ABA school so it's all about timing and persuasion and a lot of luck.

inappropriatelyemployed Mon 18-Feb-13 19:18:53

We've been trying to buy a house for ages but have nearly moved areas three times.

We have moved schools three times and God knows what secondary holds for us.

Life seems without permanence, we live day to day and can't really plan too far ahead.

I wish I could just go and live wherever we want to live. I hate the town we live in as it just holds too many shitty memories. But it has taken me years to get a package up together around DS.

Every day, I think to myself, my boys are it: everything. They are fab and I may live in a rented house and I may have had to give up a job for this, I may live an inconsistent existence freelancing, but my boys are healthy and generally happy. DS is making progress.

It has made me value the important things and not chase the crap in life. There is some real worth in that I think. It keeps me going anyway.

bjkmummy Mon 18-Feb-13 19:21:56

thanks guys - i dont feel like such a crazy woman now wanting to move if needs be. this would be my elder sons 8th house and hes 11 - one was for only 6 weeks as we bought one just after he was born and then another 6 months as he was dx so we moved to get him into a specialist school plus tahn a couple due to dh job. we did stay in one house for 4 years and here has been 2 years - im only wanting to move about 4 miles into a village so a 10 min drive for dh to work plus its in a village dh has always wanted to live in - has a doctors, pub, shop and post office, regualr bus service, primary school etc plus we would have countryside views that hes always wanted. he still quite adamant we are not moving. this house needs some work so before we start paying out on this a move would be better - quite tempted to move regardless anyway!!!!! where we live its expensive and costs a lot on council tax so other place would be cheaper and probably lower council tax band plus my travel would be zero as boys will get transport plus i have the option of buses. just need to be sure living in a village is the way to go

JeffFaFa Mon 18-Feb-13 20:13:02

I want to move for ds1 i know im extremely unlikely to get any help for ds in the area we are in, there is also limited primary schools and one high school so if it dosnt work out then we have even more problems. Worrying thing for me is we currently have a secure tenancy and moving will put us into the private sector.

float62 Mon 18-Feb-13 20:20:03

Jeff - if it's a secure social housing tenancy use the 'homeswappers' site and be prepared for 'the haul' but it does work. I haven't always had this kind of tenancy, so I know how important a secure tenancy is and the insecurity of the private sector.

Dev9aug Mon 18-Feb-13 20:24:44

But you know what is now, isn't what will be. This is one of the reasons we haven't decided on Richmond yet. at present, the school I mentioned have a number of pupils with their ABA shadows, but I also know that Richmond are starting an ABA unit in Jan next year so there is no guarantee that mainstream with ABA shadows will be an option then. so We have decided to deal with the now, his ABA program and take care of the school etc later when the time comes. He has still got 1.5 year before he needs to legally start school so there is plenty of time yet.

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