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At breaking point with DD and DS1.

(78 Posts)
MerryCouthyMows Mon 18-Feb-13 10:31:33

DD has never had a formal diagnosis of ASD (am currently pursuing that), but when she was 4yo, the Paediatrician told me "She's definitely on the spectrum, HFA" and handed me a stack of leaflets about ASD and left me to get on with it for a decade (!).

DS1 has always been, erm, unusual. Could hold a full conversation with you at 18mo about what makes something intangible (!), and anything remotely Spider-Man related, and is still the same today, was IQ tested at 8yo, found to have an IQ of 132, yet has the social skills of a squashed ant. School are now mooring Aspergers now he's in Y6 and any costs relating from a diagnosis won't be out of THEIR budget.

Now, the problem. DS1 has NO social skills. At all. He has really irritating stims, like clicking a pen on and off for HOURS, tapping, fidgeting, pacing up and down a room etc. He doesn't understand why something that doesn't annoy him (and in fact makes him feel calmer) CAN irritate the fuck out of other people. And he doesn't even realise when he's been stimming either,

DD has sensory issues. Walk past her on the stairs, she has a meltdown, even if you don't touch her. Click a pen repeatedly, and she is in MAJOR meltdown.

I am having at LEAST 15 meltdowns a day from DD, where DS1's stims have exacerbated her sensory issues, and at least 4 from DS1 where DD's screaming and crying during meltdown have wound him up till HE loses control.

All the while, DS2 is crying and covering his ears because his sensory issues mean that he needs an almost silent house. And DS3 is hiding under the table because there's so much noise from everyone else. DS2 has 'Autistic traits' my arse, he has Autism!, and DS3 is being assessed in May by the Multi-disciplinary team.

Assessment is more readily forthcoming now, since the old Paed retired and we have a whole new team, who don't seem to be quite as into protecting their budget!

At these points, I go in the kitchen and cry. I'm NOT depressed. I'm really not.

But this is too much for one person to cope with, and I get NO help, because they don't have FORMAL diagnoses.

Which were deliberately withheld under the previous Paed.

I personally think DD has PDA, number of things, but mainly that techniques for NT DC's JUST DON'T WORK, techniques for DC's with ASD JUST DON'T WORK, you ask her to lift her feet please so you can Hoover, and she goes into meltdown. There is plenty more.

Could someone please LINK ME to the strategies for dealing with PDA? I need to try something, I'm at the point where I will have to make a decision who stays and who goes into FC, because of the level of violence DD and DS1 aim at each other, I'm starting to think it's the only way to keep them both safe. But my heart is breaking at the thought of it.

It doesn't help that I'm disabled myself - I have epilepsy and arthritis, tire easily, am in pain a LOT, can't physically DO all the housework, yet if I ask DD to help (she's the oldest, nearly 15yo), she goes into meltdown at the merest suggestion, and if I ask DS1 to help, he WON'T unless DD does EXACTLY the same amount of jobs. Because everything has to be scrupulously fair or HE melts down. So neither help,
without 2+ hours of meltdowns first.

I'm at my wits end.

Please help me to cope with my DC's.

MerryCouthyMows Thu 21-Feb-13 04:15:31

And to top it off, a fairly 'regular' poster called my DD 'obnoxious' on a thread today.

It was a thread about things your DC's have said, and I posted one about DD.

I didn't realise that 'nt' parents would see it as obnoxious.

And it's really got to me tbh.

I don't see DD as 'obnoxious'. But what if a lot of other people do? Where does that leave DD?


Some days it DOES feel like a living nightmare. I'm still awake right now, even though the rest of the house is quiet. Because I'm in too much pain from my joints to sleep.

So tomorrow will be fun.

I MUST start recording their meltdowns.

ArthurPewty Thu 21-Feb-13 07:49:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MerryCouthyMows Thu 21-Feb-13 10:19:04

Oh, I know what you mean Leonie!

I used to have a TRUE photographic memory.

Now I joke that I have Swiss cheese for brains!! grin

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