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omg im so upset...what do you think they were suggesting?(50 Posts)
My ds is 8 with adhd and aspergers..
Ive been having a lady from 'point 1' come round to help me with anger and anxiety management and over all abit of support...
She has been with us 5/6 times,
and today she said she has some concerns!
She said she has an alarm bell in her head....because last week he told her he didn't like his bed room cause ghosts where in there,and he didn't like the kitchen cause aliens are in there and someone might kill him...he wont go to the loo in case something pops out of it to get him!
and in school he wont use the loo,and he said he dosen't like the doors when there half open in case someone gets him...she was told all of these anxieties last week....
Today she said she was really concerned...she asked was there any trauma in his life? I said no? why? why are you that concerned?
She said its just a little alarm bell going off,that he's too scared! that something has happened for him to feel such anxeities....
That children with anxieties that high have normally had a trauma!
I'm feeling quite upset at the moment....am I reading to deep?
I asked her have we caused it?as we do get angry and frustrated with him...we have spoke about stranger danger to him and wandering off!
he has seen me get upset...i told her he's like a woodpecker going at our heads at times...he's knows we are fed up....
But at the same time we do loads with him....we praise him,take him out,play With him etc....Maybe we are not doing enough??!!
maybe we should never get angry...do I let him away with what he wants?we are strict with our discipline,eat at the table,no sweets only on sundays,he earns pudding etc etc....
what do we do?
Dh asked if i was reading to deep into it?he wasn't with me at the meeting..
My dh wants to ring her tomorrow and give her what for over the phone
causing such worry and stress to an already stressful situation,
he thinks I should show her this thread too...
I would be careful about shouting the odds to Camhs staff. Always be calm and polite. I also don't think she will give us old mums much credit. Perhaps google up an article or two on AS. If you put Aspergers and anxiety or OCD in google you will find something. But be calm and measured, or I am afraid you look like you are protesting too much. An email might be better, referring to the worry caused
Save your strength, blame the parents/past experiences is the default setting of tons of pseudo professionals.
Feel free to, it may make her think twice on assumption and she may just learn something about asd and anxiety
Personally though I would treat it with the contempt it deserves. That she is unprofessional, not a psych and is a "point 1" which basically sounds like a support "helper" and you get volounteers that do that not necessarily trained ones.
Go to camhs with an open mind and start afresh. If they have "suggestions" go for it keep a diary and note what worked or didnt. Even if it takes going through the motions of the same suggestions over to prove its not that then I would as it eventually will leave them in a corner where they have to admit defeat and stop blaming the parents and start looking at the real issues behind his anxiety as asd based x
Here is a good, reputable article
Here is a good, reputable article
Omg ! The silly cow! These are normal (lol ) asd anxieties!
Some of ds's more unusual anxieties when he was younger:
The "gonk gonk gonk" - the noise the toilet made when it had finished flushing .
One whole summer he refused to use his left hand ( he's left handed) because he thought he had touched poison with it.
Chocolate would make him have a heart attack and die ( thank you year 1 teacher)
He was frightened his skin would fall off.. He used to press his skin on in an OCD manner.
He was frightened of a corner in his bedroom.
Fwiw... He's now 15 and He cracks up with laughter at some of these now.
Honestly!...The silly woman! Makes me flipping mad!
It sounds like it's a good thing that you'll be rid of her ans are being referred straight to CAMHS. If your DS is so anxious, he needs to be seen by a professional rather than someone who sounds like they've read too much wikipedia.
Yes thank you...i will go in with a fresh start...the link is great!! i think thats a good plan..ill give her them (she said she might be at the caf)
plus after going through some of the notes with info she left me on the 2nd visit theres a piece on AS anxiety at school!
should my dh ring and ask her to elaborate?
CAMHS clinician here. That woman is completely jumping the gun. Yes your DC sounds anxious, but to suggest that strong anxiety is usually caused by trauma is wrong and misguided. Sometimes it can be, but children get anxious for a variety of reasons, and children on the autistic spectrum can be more anxious than some.
CAMHS might be a good idea though if the anxiety is reaching a problematic level.
She sounds like the paediatrician who told us that dd's joint pains must have been caused by trauma because that would be the only explanation for such strong psychosomatic pains.
The week after dd was seen by a rheumatologist who took one look at her ankles and muttered "yes, I can see why that would hurt".
Dd has Ehlers Danlos syndrome. She also has anxiety levels that are absolutely sky high (normal concomitant of EDS). What she's never had is a trauma.
SELKS nice to hear that from you..thank you! thats very reassuring. and of course all the other stories here on the anxieties!
Do I say something? Or just leave it? I've gone from upset to cross now...that I went to my dr for help and it's ended like this..
I keep looking at ds at wondering if I've done something,something to cause it...the lady yesterday asked me to think of anything!
And I can't...the only things were that we went on honeymoon 6 yrs ago for week without him and that We get cross with him..
But the praise and love we give him way out balances that,but could it be that?
Honestly,as I'm sure you will all understand,he's like a woodpecker most days at our heads,and we do tell him firmly,no! Enough,and we try to distract....
It's at night to...calling us lots...right up till 12/1...or else he will fall asleep straight away and wake at 1.and he doesn't go back to sleep....
He's on two melatonin.
We both work full time.
It is hard and I wonder is he sencing this off us which in turn is causing his anxiety? Or am I reading to deep in to it all now?
I would probably say something calm. AS kids are very complex, and I would think the thoughts of ghosts and monsters could as easily have come from watching an episode of scooby doo, plus an over active imagination and a lack of ability to separate fiction from fact. With my DD, I try and get her factual brain to take over: there are no such thing as tiny vampires, it is a biological impossibility, so there could not be one under the bath. Has he seen any scary films recently, or read any books that are scary.
I see that most articles recommend CBT type therapy for AS anxieties, so maybe CAMHS can actually help. Maybe also get his melatonin looked at as perhaps the slow release type would be better.
He watches cartoons and its later at night he thinks things are in his room...or the other week at school they spoke about space...the Neil Armstrong was suddenly in his room...he looses bear grils but that can end in disaster as bear tells you what "could" happen. And he had fears of the snakes in the loo after bear grils killed one...etc etc. we have stopped him watching that now which is a shame,as we all enjoyed it and its better than sponge on!, so at the moment we are careful about tv...no news,no discovery,etc.
See I would tell him there are no poisonous snakes in Britain, except adders which can't survive in water, so no loo fear! Late night fear of monsters is v normal - the whole film Monsters inc is based on that!
Actually maybe don't mention the adders! I still won't walk in long grass or ferns since someone told me about them as a child.
Trouble is you can't protect kids from seeing or hearing about scary things, so they have to find or be helped to find methods to control anxiety and put fears in perspective. It's part of growing up for an anxious kid, which I probably was too, like my DD.
But of course that over active imagination can also be a good thing, eg my daughters writes loads of v imaginative stories
DS1 displayed a perfect example of the overactive ASD imagination, this afternoon. I made him a veggieburger for lunch and he sat at ate it, but complained that it had too much horse meat in it
And anyone who follows me on twitter, may have seen the picture of him hiding under the table because DS2 was eating a big bowl of scary rice pudding.
Daft woman, obviously not as experienced or knowledge as she thinks. Ds 8 is exactly the same, it's very common.
Firstly let me thank you for all your support!
Today this lady rand my dh to confirm the date and time of the caf meeting,
while she was on the phone,dh asked her to elaborate on the comments she made to me?
dh told her she had upset me and caused alot of stress,as my mind was going round and round,he told her I googled lots and everything came up that children on the spectrum had high anxiety....
She said she had a list of questions and that was just one of them!
She sent her sincere apologies to me......She said there was no offence meant,that it was just a question!
She asked dh to ask for me to ring her so she could explain and to say sorry.....
I feel alot better this evening,(the large wine helped)
And feel really proud that dh done this for me
We have all had a lovely eve,we went for a meal,ds coloured,and we got to have a good chat about things,x
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