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Ds1(9) AS so rude to me, and repeats bad behaviour.

(27 Posts)
Oblomov Mon 04-Feb-13 07:52:29

I am a bit embarrassed to be here. AGAIN. I have had so much support over the years, from MN. even been on an EB course. Sometimes I wonder why I haven't grasped some oft the basics , or why I just don't 'get things', and start to wonder if its me, and I need things s-p-e-l-t out to me, in an idiots guide to ...
So bare with me wink

Ds1 speaks to me so nastily. I try hard with him, but he is so uncaring and loving. Even dh says he talks to me like I'm a piece of dirt. Most days. He just says little things like "yeah, what you gonna do about it". Little quips and comments. answering back. Snipey horrible things he says to me. All show a lack of respect.
And even dh regularly speaks to him anbout answering back ( because he does it to dh too) and dh talks to him about the way he talks to mummy. But nothing changes.
I have talked calmly , many times to him about why he talks to me so nastily, many times each day, but he says he doesn't know.
I struggle with my feelings for him, because I find him such hard work. But on a day to day basis I work so jolly hard to help him support him, encourage him, help his low self esteem etc. do homework. go to meetings. arrange birthday parties, buy the foods he likes and make sure his friends have nice party bags etc. (it was his birthfday this weekend)
All, no apprecaition. But then presumably i shouldn't be expecting any?

Then also, he keeps doing things. Irritating things. But we talk about it calmly. He doesn't know why he does it. and we get nowhere. Should I not try and correct these things, but just adjust ME, so that I try and stop being annoyed by them?
E.g. he pulls his jumper down, mis-shapes it and it unpeels, at the cuff, ends up in strings hanging off. Presumably like a nervous habbit, of pulling it down over your hand? I have to keep buying new fleeces, tops, jumpers, and school jumpers. I am spending a fortume.
2) he rumages through his drawers to get t-shirts, etc. I spend time doing washing and ironing, which I hate. so I told him, please don't rummage and mix them all up. it makes me cross. so if you want one, call me and i will come and get it. We keep having this conversation. but he keeps doing it. all my washed and ironed stuff looks like dishrags. So i have to take it all out, sort it and put it all back. Drives me mad.

There are other things. Is it just me that needs to adjust.
Please advise. Dont hold back.
I have to go to work, but will try and post later.

bishybashyboshy Thu 07-Feb-13 13:30:59

Hello, I have started to use the jug of patience and my son gets it, he even told me when I first mentioned it what I meant and why the jug would start to empty and even suggested what I could do to fill it again grin THANKS!! Maybe he will start to use his own jug?? we will have to see smile

porridgeLover Thu 07-Feb-13 14:08:56

I find it great TBH. As my DS has ASD, I have to come up with 'pictures' to show him how things feel to other people.
He will sometimes use it to explain how he is feeling (though not that often, it's a work in progress).

The other 'image' I use is a set of scales when I am trying to sort out rows with his sisters that often end with him hitting them in frustration.

I use blocks on either side to show that- they did something annoying, he annoyed them back, tick-tock, tick-tock but the scales tips totally against him if he hurts them.
As long as he uses his words, the scales will stay even.

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