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Multiple children with special needs?

(23 Posts)
ouryve Sat 02-Feb-13 18:29:03

We got DH fixed not long after DS2 was born, btw.

ouryve Sat 02-Feb-13 17:11:22

DS1(9) has ASD and ADHD. DS2(6) has ASD and is non-verbal.

We feel outnumbered by them both and couldn't never manage more. The thing that makes it the hardest is the fact that DS1 can't cope with DS2 at all and is constantly ranting at him, some days. We can't leave them alone together.

ArthurPewty Sat 02-Feb-13 17:08:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ArthurPewty Sat 02-Feb-13 16:38:36

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

auntevil Sat 02-Feb-13 13:40:45

I don't think I feel guilty about passing on the dodgy chromosomes. Until recently I didn't know what I had.
We did tell the midwives at the checking in meeting for all 3, that there was a chromosome issue on DH's side - they said not to worry - so we didn't.
Do I think it might have made a difference if they had of tested us then? Yes.
DH said that we could afford to have DS3 - if we wanted to, he was happy with 2. It might have tipped the balance if I had of known. The upshot is that I have another beautiful angel (seriously, he LOOKS angelic - even the HT has asked me how do I tell him off!) He will have life long difficulties. I don't like to see him sitting in his school uniform screwed up in pain, but other times life feels very normal.

MerryCouthyMows Sat 02-Feb-13 10:05:20

Leonie - can you bump the thread we were on, it's dropped off my active & I can't find it on the App. I need to know how your appointment went!

As to how I feel? Right now, happy because my DS1 and DS2 are running around the front room, roaring at DS3 to reduce him to fits of giggles. How did I feel when it became apparent that DS3 had disabilities too? Devestated.

I'm being sterilised in a couple of months.

DS3 has had Microarray testing, which we are waiting for the results for, as his Paed believes he has a chromosomal issue. If that turns out to be the case, they will test me and my other 3 DC's.

Do I feel guilty? Yes. It's my DNA and that of their fathers that caused their disabilities.

Do I let that stop me from doing the stuff I have to do? Not any more.

Do I have days where I'm angry? Yes. I also have days where I cry for what faces my DC's I the future. I worry about how DD is going to hold down a job when she is so demand avoidant. I worry about how I'm going to support my DC's if they are unable to be independent, because I am disabled myself and unable to work.


Worry, guilt, happiness, anger, sadness, frustration, exhaustion, joy, resignation, embarrassment, outrage, acceptance. All emotions that happen every day.

devientenigma Sat 02-Feb-13 09:59:24

lol Merry we have 6 kids, 4 of which are disabled/special needs. We have a never mind the dog, beware of the wife and kids.

cantbelieve Sat 02-Feb-13 09:56:50

MerryCouthyMows, wow you have ALOT on your plate, you are amazing dealing with everything and on your own too. You have my total admiration, I am finding it hard dealing with 1 DC with SN's.

MerryCouthyMows Sat 02-Feb-13 09:53:36

4 DC's.

DD : ASD (currently down as 'Autistic traits, but that's just not the whole of it, she IS Autistic). Hypermobility Syndrome. Partially Deaf. Mild epilepsy. Auditory Processing Disorder. Learning Difficulties. GDD. Speech and Language delay. Still not totally continent at 14. Dyspraxia. Dyslexia. Dyscalculia. Cardiac issues (two leaky heart valves). Life threatening allergy.

DS1 : School referring for testing for Aspergers. Life threatening allergy. Coeliac.

DS2 : ASD. Hypermobility Syndrome. Hypotonia. Partial deafness. Chronic brittle asthma. Learning Difficulties. GDD. Auditory Processing Disorder. Speech and Language Delay. Bowel issues and Encoparesis causing multiple daily soilings. Dyspraxia. Life threatening allergy.

DS3 : Autism (being assessed in May, but a given really). Hyperactivity (probable ADHD). Multiple, very severe life threatening allergies. GDD. Hypermobility Syndrome. Probable Auditory Processing Disorder. Speech and Language Delay.

To top all of that off, I also have disabilities myself. And am a Lone Parent now. I have uncontrolled epilepsy, Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis. I have Hypermobility Syndrome. I have Auditory Processing Disorder. I am partially deaf. I am partially sighted as I have no peripheral vision caused by one of my epilepsy meds I took a few years ago.

I have a sign on the inside of my front door saying "Welcome to the Funny Farm"!

autumnsmum Fri 01-Feb-13 16:58:57

Hello I have three dcs my ds seven has high functioning autism and my dd has autism .to be honest I am finding it really hard I also don't have enough time for nt dd 14.leonie I would love to be sterilised but my gp said no

salondon Fri 01-Feb-13 16:48:11

I have one daughter with issues. We wont have any more because I cant do this any more than I have to and I dont know how I would feel for the sibling(if they are non-SN)

BeeMom Fri 01-Feb-13 13:36:15

After Bee was diagnosed, it was confirmed that I was the reason that she was unwell. She has the most severe presentation of the disease I have and I gave both of my children. Do I feel like shit? Most definitely. Is it my fault? Of course not.

If I had known that hiding inside my mitochondrial DNA was a death sentence, I never would have had a child, let alone the children I have had. I have lost 3 pregnancies, lost a newborn, and have DS and Bee. I was sterilised the day Bee was born, but they didn't actually put the pieces together until years later.

In all honesty, we still wouldn't know if Bee's presentation was less severe.

As for how do I manage it? This is my family - I do it because I love them.

Frankly - DH is more work and stress than the kids any day grin

NoHaudinMaWheest Fri 01-Feb-13 12:15:31

2 here.
Ds has AS OCD dyslexia hypermobile joints and a couple of other bits and pieces.
Dd I have always thought of as fine. She is certainly not on the ASD spectrum but is mildly dyslexic, has a few other issues and has recently developed mysterious joint problems.
She is affected by her brother's needs and when he was badly affected by his OCD she was too. However most of the time she takes it in her stride. She is philosophical - that is how life is - and the proffs get more uptight about it than she does.

devientenigma Fri 01-Feb-13 11:48:37

4 here. 3 diagnosed after the youngest was born with obvious disabilities

lougle Fri 01-Feb-13 11:38:58

DD1 goes to special school

DD2 ? something

DD3 freaky NT child who scares us


What can you do? You just get on with it and hope that you can make the best of every situation for each of them.

Crawling Fri 01-Feb-13 11:34:13

Thanks all its just so hard and I keep feeling guilty like its my fault even though I know it isnt.

auntevil Fri 01-Feb-13 09:35:55

I think you're right Hecate
DS2 thinks that his brother's behaviours are the norm. He struggles to make friends as he doesn't get NT children.
He spends a lot of his playtime with a lad in his class with autism, as he gets him.
DS1 and 3 on the other hand play mainly with the NT children. Go figure confused

auntevil Fri 01-Feb-13 09:32:20

3DS - DS1 - plenty of letters after his name grin, Dyspraxia, SPD, EDs. DS3 being assessed for dyspraxia and SPD - also has EDs. DS2 only has EDs (courtesy of me being the source of the Ehlers Danlos)
DS1 and 3 try soooo hard to be sporty boys. Tbh, they make a reasonable fist of it, but as they get older the differences are getting greater and greater.
DS2 on the other hand is naturally sporty. He is also naturally arty, whereas his brothers struggle with mark making.
In our family DS2 suffers most as he is the odd one out.

HecateWhoopass Fri 01-Feb-13 09:32:02

Yeah, both of mine do.

It's the reason I didn't have the third child that we had originally planned to have. We realised it wasn't the right thing for us.

tbh, I was more worried about having an nt child than coping with 3 with additional needs (although of course I was worried whether I would be able to do that). I don't think I could cope with an nt child. I know that sounds really really weird, but nt children are odd little buggers grin, I don't understand them. And they're really in your face a lot of the time blush plus I was worried about not being able to balance their needs, and what if they felt they had to be responsible for their entire lives for their brothers, etc.

zzzzz Fri 01-Feb-13 09:30:31

Yup 2 with very different sn and 3 others. smile
I love them all and enjoy my life. I don't enjoy school/other parents take on "my life". I have very crap weeks, but generally bounce back. I'm hopeful about our future and don't worry about my nt children missing out on things, though of course they do, I think they gain far more than they miss.

ArthurPewty Fri 01-Feb-13 09:23:17

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bjkmummy Fri 01-Feb-13 09:14:55

hi, i have one son aged 11 who has autism and then boy/girl twins aged 9. boy twin also has autism and loads of co morbids. the girl twin is fine but it is a hard thing juggling so many needs. my daughter goes to a siblings group which helps and give her chance to talk about things and how they affect her

Crawling Fri 01-Feb-13 08:48:50

How does it make you feel I have found it harder to accept my ds may have special needs even though its nowhere near as severe as dd. I just feel like its not fair that two of my beautiful dc should have sn. I also worry about dc3 does anyone have mutiple children with special needs and one/some that dont?
I also worry that if dc3 has no special needs she may miss out on things because she has two siblings with special needs.

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