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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

ever decreasing circles...

(109 Posts)
imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 10:09:39

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 11:19:08

imogen <hugs>

I've read your last sentence. I have absorbed it. As you know, I'm in the school-moving phase with DD2 (which, incidentally I never foresaw even a week fact even 2 days ago). I'm trying to envisage a situation where I could be convinced to try her current school again if her new school turned out to be bad.

I just can't sad

I'm concerned about that letter. Who is it from, a solicitor? It sounds a bit like 'Mum says.....' rather than 'DS is.....'

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 11:31:10

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lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 11:39:45

"I admire your decisiveness re your school move and hope it proves fruitful for you." Well, we can all only make the best choice we have available at the time. I certainly haven't had to consider moving house to secure appropriate provision. I've had to make a choice to stay put or drive an extra 1 mile/add an extra 20 minutes to our walk. Hardly the same, is it?

I'm a bit concerned about the private school thing, tbh. The Equalities Act is a bit of a red herring here. Yes, you can probably force the school to take him. However, you can't force them to be a school that can meet his needs effectively. If they do meet his needs, it will be at your expense - they won't have any LA support and it isn't discriminatory to expect parents to meet the cost of provision above and beyond core provision.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 11:45:10

Well, guilt is a pointless emotion unless it spurs you on to change the situation that caused the guilt in the first place iyswim?
So, if you have to go, then go.
But don't waste your time feeling guilty.
As mothers of kids with sen/sn we have enough guilt on our shoulders sad
Wrt private schools.....they have a very bad reputation re: sen/sn as they do not have to even abide by the patchy provision provides by state LAs.
Your move to the current school was the right one.
Trust your instincts.
Always go with your gut instinct.
That's the best advice I can give you.

Handywoman Tue 29-Jan-13 11:45:56

I agree with Lougle and would not feel particularly committed to the idea of putting ds in a school that has says it can not meet its needs. In fact the alarm bells would be sound

Handywoman Tue 29-Jan-13 11:47:42

(Oops butter fingers!) alarm bells would be sounding. The wider situation for you I have no idea about. But private school I think I would personally rule out.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 11:48:46

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imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 11:53:58

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 11:55:59

You could send him to the private school for the small class sizes, curriculum, etc.
BUT, do not expect any help,with the dyslexia.
However...there is loads you can do at home if you are willing.
That was my epiphany.
Life has been much better since I stopped expecting the state to give a shit.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:07:12

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lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 12:30:00

Just be sure, imogen, that the '4 hours 1:1' is part of your standard fee.

I say that, because, for example the Standbridge Earls School which is a Specific Learning School, have different rates according to how much support a child needs.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:40:09

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AgentProvocateur Tue 29-Jan-13 12:41:47

The problem with going private with a child with any "issues" (sorry, but you know what I'm trying to say) is that they can be asked to leave at any time, and then you'd be back to square one.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 12:48:03

Yes, agent is right.
You have no automatic right of appeal as you would in the state system.
However, as I said, go with your gut.
You have been considering the private school for a while now?
If you aren't happy with the current one (and I can see why you arent) then maybe private should be considered?
But you have to be prepared for it not to work out - sorry.
By all means go down that route, but have a plan b.
Always have a plan b.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 12:48:26

Is your dd happy at current school Imogen?

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:53:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 12:55:59

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 12:57:27

Imogen...take the lawyer out if it for a moment.
What does your gut tell you to do?
You have done the best for your kids up to now, and you will continue to do so.
It's just who helps you with that - that's what you need to decide.
Who do you want to work with?
Who do you think will listen to you?
And have a plan b!

bochead Tue 29-Jan-13 13:05:23

I honestly think the private school is a massive red herring that will stir up a hornets nest that doesn't need stirring and in doing so prevent you making genuine progress. They already showed very clearly that they'll bow under the slightest pressure to throw you under a bus once - why on earth would you fight for the right to give them the opportunity to do it a second time? To imagine for a second they won't is to lose yourself in fantasy.

You are making progress, lots of it, you are just so close to the situation you can't see it. The hubby is actively working towards a/helping you move (the ONLY long term solution) & b/ actively starting to look at the quality of his own parenting - he's admitted he's part of the problem - that's a mahoosive step forward.

Last summer was awful everything was so tangled and messy on all fronts and you had zero support from anywhere. You've teased out quite a few of the tangles now, and should give yourself full credit for doing that and coming as far as you have! There isn't an instant cure for all your troubles, but you are making a LOT of progress.

Guilt is what we do - we are Mums! Nuff said on that topic, except to say don't you dare let it paralyse you or stop you moving forward.

The school he's at now isn't doing what they should, but they aren't deliberately persecuting him either. Your position is finally neutral & you have a meeting coming up where you can calmly ask for progress against all that you were promised when he joined this school (don't get dragged into last schools shenaigans). Make the upcoming Feb meeting count.

He is being bullied - again you have the opportunity to use this to ask the school to put in place an appropriate social skills programme for the whole class around this. It should be part of citizenship/pshe curriculum anyways. You are allowed to ask what sanctions are in place to stop the bullying and what support your child is being given to help him cope.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 13:06:09

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 13:07:38

Agree with bochead.

imogengladhart Tue 29-Jan-13 13:17:18

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Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 13:27:36

Imogen..we all feel that way to some degree.
I wish I had never left my son in that awful preschool when he was 3.
He was just a baby sad
And I failed him.
But my huge feelings of guilt and regret mean I will never let anything like that happen again.
Part of the issue of my feelings of exasperation with you smile has been that in many ways I recognise myself. I would do anything to prevent a mother or child going through what I went through. And sometimes that can make me rather...erm...too strident smile
Your insistence that the school do something was mine too. Until I learnt that they either won't or can't.
Wrt the private school HT and dyslexia...some dyslexia interventions are better than others. Believe me, I have tried them all. If its read write inc they offer then run a mile!!
If your son will not do work at home, then how about you suggesting to e shcool that you buy the programme and the school give it 10-15 mins per day?
Is that unreasonable? I say, use your guilt and channel it for your sons benefit.
I still feel that - in the end - you will need to move. I have always said that. I also think that the private route (although I can fully understand your reasoning) is a huge red herring and will just complicate matters further.

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 13:33:29

Imogen...I will list my failings for you - it may make you feel less alone?
I left my ds in a pre school that I disliked and he was unhappy at due to family pressure. I didn't trust my gut.
I left my ds in a school he was desperately unhappy at. I left him there til year 2. I trusted the teachers. I was a fool.
I home schooled for a year. I don't regret home schooling per se, but I wish I had got him back into school sooner.
I have wasted 100s hours and £££££ on programmes for dyslexia.
I seem to have flailed around to no purpose for years...
Ait, rrt and diet changes and supplements have made a HUGE difference to ds.
If only I had been brave and went with my gut and did them sooner.
I try not to focus on the stuff I did wrong.
I have to look to the future.
Ds's future.

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