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I am fuming with the school

(91 Posts)
lougle Fri 25-Jan-13 15:46:12

After all our 'attendance issues' and my discussion with the Head Teacher, who told me that DD2 couldn't possibly have had a temperature at school, because they would have sent her home....

This morning DD2 didn't want to go to school - she told me she was poorly.

I told the teacher this morning that DD2 had said this (her temperature was 37.5, so just on the cusp of 'do not send to school', but of course if I don't send to school I have to get a doctor's note now).

DH went to collect DD2 this afternoon and teacher said 'DD2 has a headache and didn't go out to afternoon play.'

It turns out that DD2 told the teacher that she felt poorly before lunch and after lunch and the teacher didn't take action (other than letting her miss break time).

I took her temperature because she looked thoroughly miserable - 38.5 and rising.

Why can't they just do what they're meant to do?

Btw, she says when she swallows, her cheek hurts. I remember that from Mumps, but are there other things that can cause that?

lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 20:02:38

Well, as expected, I got an email which painted a completely false picture of the situation (ie. suggested that DD2's issue with friendships was a consequence of time off, rather than time off being in part due to inability to form friendships and thus having no motivation to struggle into school despite illness) and with veiled threats of 'transition planning with the new school which will include a discussion of progress and concerns' and a reminder that absence policies are the same across all schools in the cluster 'which is particularly important to be aware of when parents move their children because they don't like the message they receive about poor attendance'.

I wrote a stinking email refuting all the inaccuracies....then deleted it!

I simply agreed that there was little point discussing the matter further, making clear that DD2's teacher was excellent and that DD2 would love to say good bye to her if at all possible, that I had already discussed DD2's 'difficult term' with the head and I had no issues with the attendance policy. I finished by thanking her for her well-wishes for DD2 and that I'm sure we could both agree that the best outcome for DD2 was that she was both well and happy at school, which I hoped the new setting could achieve.

I feel wrecked, traumatised and vilified sad

zzzzz Tue 29-Jan-13 20:34:09

lougle honk honk though rather pathetic ones from me. I am having my own hideous week and have had things said to me today that have left me stunned.

It shouldn't be like this.

LabelsGalore Tue 29-Jan-13 20:40:18

Well done for such a measured response! You are the one coming out as reasonable and balanced in your approach. Not them!
I am not sure I would have been able to be so restrained...

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 20:41:03

Oh Lougle smile
My sons crap school sent me a letter when I de registered him.
The last sentance was
"We wish xxx a bright and happy future"
It felt like a kick in the chest and completely ignored my repeated concerns wrt sen policy and bullying policy.
Honk honk x

Badvoc Tue 29-Jan-13 20:41:57

Oh!... and they also told me that I had a legal duty to inform the LA -incorrect and the wring contact details for the LA anyway!!

justaboutchilledout Tue 29-Jan-13 21:02:21

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 21:48:36

Wot just said. Pop it in the just-in-case file, and then forget it. They're nothing to do with you any more, youve sacked them from your dsughters education team... for gross misconduct. And you tried verbal and written warnings, and offered them training opportunities wink. This is a nasty letter from your disgruntled ex-employee, oh well, any faint hope they had of a reference is gone now grin.

MareeyaDolores Tue 29-Jan-13 21:50:57

Great letter you did. Thought about international diplomacy as a kids-grown-up-now career?

lougle Tue 29-Jan-13 23:12:24

Thank you all - I feel honked up <weak smile>

zzzzz sorry you are going through it too.

DD2 is actually singing again and so excited. The wonderful thing is that her new school are learning about exactly the same topics as her old school. Her beloved Florence Nightingale, bodies and health, and the Senses.

So my plan of action:

-This week's homework for her old school was to make a 'healthy living' poster. Tomorrow, that can be her 'educational activity' and she can take it in to her new school when she visits, so that she has something to offer towards the topic.

-So that she doesn't feel like she sticks out, I'm going to try and get her a uniform tomorrow, from the office, so that she can go on Thursday in uniform. I figure that a) it will make her feel more 'part of' the new school b) she'll be able to blend in a bit so it's not overwhelming c) I'll be demonstrating that I support the policies of the new school.

-Still divided on whether I tell the Head Teacher what happened with old school (my friend whose child attends new school thinks I should, as does DH) or whether to just try and 'be the bigger person' and, despite knowing the HT will have told him everything from her point of view, just buckle down and try to demonstrate the truth.

I'll wait and see what the HT says in reply to my email. If she agrees that DD2 can say goodbye to her class teacher on Friday, then DH and I will take DD2 with us to collect her belongings. If she refuses or doesn't reply, I'll just send DH <coward>

lougle Wed 30-Jan-13 09:45:55

So after worrying that they won't let her say goodbye, that she'll be upset, etc., I said to DD2 "DD2, when we go to get your things on Friday, I've asked if you can say goodbye to your teacher. We might not be able to, because she might be busy. Would you like to say goodbye or just send your card?"

She said 'just send the card'. I said 'are you sure you don't want to say goodbye'.

She said 'will I only have to go for one minute?'

She's so over it!

Badvoc Wed 30-Jan-13 09:50:52

Well, proof positive you are doing the right thing!
My ds would have hated to go back into his old school.
I would have a word with the HT.
Don't bad mouth the old HT - although she deserves it - and use very neutral language.
Just say that the relationship with you and the old HT broke down and it became untenable for your dd to stay in an environment where she was so deeply unhappy.
Make it clear you are not upset/angry at the rules and proceedures in place, but how the rules and proceedures are enforced.
Emphasise that you want to work together with the HT and teachers to ensure your dd is happy and can access the curriculum successfully.
Good luck x

LabelsGalore Wed 30-Jan-13 11:37:03

Well I think you have already said everything there is to say to the HT tbh. He knows why you were looking for another school and I would think it's plenty already.

What I would do is to be careful to keep them in the loop re dd2 illness, let them know if you have any insight from GP etc... as to what is going on.

When I changed school with the dcs, ds2 was starting Y1 after a disastrous Yr. The child who apparently was just lazy and didn't want to work/chose not to talk etc... suddenly became a child with language difficulties. I didn't have to say that to his teacher. She just knew within 2 days that there was something going on there. And then she put stuff in place and we worked together to support ds2.
All that to say that dd2 new teacher might surprise you. Perhaps let them get to know dd2 and then go and see her to check she has settle down etc?

lougle Wed 30-Jan-13 12:28:26

Yes, that's my dilemma, LabelsGalore. I have two sets of people's opinions as to what I should do:

Group A (the vast majority): Be upfront with the new school, tell the Head how the old Head has treated you, make it clear that you care for DD2 and want to make her happy. Tell him all your concerns about her development and ask for SENCO appointment - all guns blazing.

Group B (me blush): Accept that old school will tell new school everything from their perspective. Accept that new Head will be keeping a close eye on DD2 and watching me. Demonstrate that I am committed to DD2's education (ie. I've already taken the form signing up to parent mail in and bought her uniform; she's doing her old school's healthy living poster today and will take it with her tomorrow to her new school) that I will take her on time and communicate with them. Listen to any concerns the HT may have due to contact with old school. Hope that once I have the Paed's letter they will be more enlightened and it will somewhat cast doubt on old school. Also remembering that just because two schools are in the same cluster, doesn't mean that they agree about approaches to parents.

imogengladhart Wed 30-Jan-13 12:41:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience Wed 30-Jan-13 15:11:48

Gosh lougle, how did I miss this threadshock

What a week you have had, I hope you are ok.

When I moved Dd3 I only sent a brief note saying she would not be returning, it took them a month to send her records 1 mile down the road.

Dd3 was relieved about the move and for us it was very positive. I hope it will be for you too.

Good luck with the visit tomorrowsmile

lougle Wed 30-Jan-13 15:16:49

It's developed, Ineed, sadly That's me.

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