Please help me to help DS........I think he's depressed

[sweetteamum]

I am so lost as to how I can help DS become happier again. He's loosing the light in him as it's going out slowly :(

DS (age 10) has always been popular and had a lovely small group of friends he played with - he will mix with anyone but always ends back with the same lads. He portrays himself as very confident so he can hide what's really going on.

Over the last year, these friendships have dwindled the more 'apparent' his difficulties have become. There is a wider gap now between him and his peers.

He's had bullying previously, about 3 years ago but this seems to be starting again, although with a different boy. He's very sensitive and although he gives the impression he could, he wouldn't be able to stand up for himself if needeed.

He's spending more time by himself and he knows all this is going on and he's loosing friends. He's very aware of his difficulties, won't let me talk to school to help him and doesn't want anyone to know he's got difficulties.

On top of all this he is being assessed for ADHD/ASD/Sensory/Dyspraxic issues

We've had meetings with the school and pointed all these things out and to be fair they are going to put things in place as quickly as possible to try to help him (although, I have to say this is only after i've got other people involved.

He's very teary, wanted a 'chat' with me every night, wants to leave school, wants to give up his previous favourite hobby, he's putting off going to sleep at night, slouches when he walks, not eating as much, very low self esteem, very irritable and wanting to spend less 'vulnerable' time as possible in school.

There's probably lots more but this is just the top of my head. I just want my happy boy back and this 'grey' boy to leave him alone.

[moosemama]

Oh he sounds just like ds1. Same age, always had a small group of lovely friends, has been horribly bullied in the past and this has started up again, although with different children, this school year and been escalating. He is becoming more and more aware of his difficulties and differences and friendships are disappearing as his peers grow up and away from him and start to realise how different he really is. Of course on top of all that there is all the fear and anxiety about secondary transition that he is trying so hard to keep locked up.

He also masks and acts happy and confident at school, so we are at odds with them, because he brings it all home with him and is clearly a very stressed, anxious and unhappy child, but they refuse to agree despite the inclusion team explaining it all to them.

I had to take him to the GP last week, suffering from extreme exhaustion, because he was literally unable to hold himself up in a chair or walk. GP ran bloods, which all came back fine. The exhaustion is coming from the stress of trying to cope and hold himself together all day at school.

A couple of weeks back I went to talk to our most sympathetic GP about what was happening and asked if CAMHS might be an idea. She said CAMHS would refuse her referral so I should get his Paed to do it. Paed said they would refuse him as well and had done so often in similar circumstances in the past, on the grounds that due to his ASD and the fact that the problem is only relating to school, it's not actually their remit, as not really a mental health problem. He felt strongly that the Ed Psych should be involved, both in helping to ensure school deals with the underlying issues and also supporting him and helping him to develop strategies to cope with the anxiety etc.

I was told yesterday that the lovely EP who worked with him prior to his dx has been asked to re-open his case and work with him and we are waiting to hear her plan of action.

Not sure what to advise, other than perhaps having a chat with your GP and see whether or not they think some external support might help and if so, how to go about getting some.

[Penneyanne]

I would say the same sort of thing is going on with ds also who has Aspergers.He is suddenly realising that he is very different to the others and they are pulling away from him socially. I also have this going on with dd,15,at the moment but that is a whole other story.

[flowwithit]

Oh dear there is so much of this we have the same with our ds and will now need to move school as they wont support! Nowhere to turn for help, we don't want legal fight, his health happiness is more important. I have just pushed for CAMHS because depression and anxiety is mental health to me despite the fact that GP said it was more for self harm etc.

[Cheeseswept]

Yes,similar with my ds too . He has regular Camhs counselling but this doesn't appear to have made much difference. The main cause has definitely been the school environment and their failure to meet his needs. He is now out of there and awaiting a placement at a specialist school which we are hoping will make a difference.

[flowwithit]

If you think your ds is depressed i think you should keep a record of all these things and trust your instincts you know him best of all. CAMHS might be helpful.
I think some counselling can be good too but also it's the everyday support and understanding that is imperative for improvement in mental health both children and adults need to feel secure. The school environment is frightening to my ds and many with ASD because they feel so vulnerable and often confused by the continuous changes demands and instructions. I'm not sure that hs is the best option for my ds either because then there is no exposure at all. There needs to be a middle ground and more smaller schools with small classes individual curriculum and specialist teachers to build confidence.