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"Her life isn't my life!!!!!"

(23 Posts)
lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 15:49:49

I was watching DD2 through the classroom window today. The Class Teacher was talking to all the children. Almost all were sitting down. DD2 came to the window to try and tell me something, I motioned back to the group. She wandered over to one child, then walked across the middle of the group towards the back, then wandered back across the group to the other side, eventually sitting down.

When I asked her about it, she was completely indifferent. I said 'But Mrs X was talking to you.' She said 'I didn't know that.' I said 'Yes, DD2, she was talking to the whole class!' She said 'I didn't know she was talking to me!' 'But, DD2, who did you think she was talking to?'

Her reply?

"I don't know, her life isn't my life!!!!"

Why isn't her teacher noticing this sort of thing? It's a mystery to me. I'd be really annoyed if a child in my class was wandering around talking to different children while all the others were sitting nicely listening.

TheLightPassenger Wed 16-Jan-13 16:05:29

because a child who behaves well and does OK academically is likely to slip under the SN/SEN radar, unfortunately. And to play devil's advocate, youngish children would be likely to have their attention drawn by seeing their parent at the window, and some children aren't v good at the whole story/carpet time due to concentration etc issues.. I do agree btw that her not realising that the teacher is addressing her unless she is addressed by name is rather a red flag.

troutsprout Wed 16-Jan-13 16:10:48

Wow...As a total aside from the fact that she missed that the 'whole class 'meant her too (smile), that's actually really insightful isn't it Lougal ? How old is your dd? Ds is 15 1/2 and I'm still not sure he realises that other people's lives are not his !
I still quite ofton repeat to ds's teachers that "he needs his own personal invitation to do ANYTHING."

lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 16:11:35

You're right. That's what's so frustrating. None of it on it's own is too awful. It is odd though, that all the other children go out and find their parents. DD2 has to go back to the teacher and say 'I can't see Mummy' if I'm not directly in the line of sight (naughty Mummy is choosing to be towards the back of the group of parents now that she's realised this, so that the teacher can't ignore it).

In general though, unless you specifically say 'DD2' she doesn't respond to instructions, but then conversely, if I say something to either DD1 or DD3 she thinks I'm talking to her and gets cross with me. She doesn't seem to be able to discriminate between stuff directed at her and stuff directed at other people unless we specifically say her name.

lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 16:14:01

She's 5.5, troutsprout. It's confusing, because in most ways she acts as if everyone knows exactly what she's thinking (such as when she marched into the office and did a cartwheel, then got cross that the receptionist -who had her back turned and didn't even know DD2 was there- didn't say 'well done').

PolterGoose Wed 16-Jan-13 16:14:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DameMargotFountain Wed 16-Jan-13 16:15:59

making sure the teacher/TA says DDs name during instructions is recommended by SALT, OT and Autism Outreach - DD is often distracted by noises/other goings on and doesn't realised that the conversations is directed at her too.

it's very common in younger children, but more pronounced and prolonged in children on the spectrum

PolterGoose Wed 16-Jan-13 16:16:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Liliuk Wed 16-Jan-13 16:19:16

What a clever response for a 5.5 years old! I can understand how this annoying you though!

lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 16:19:47

Poltergoose, that's exactly it - she can't scan and pick out the relevant information, either verbally, or physically. If something isn't right in front of her nose, she 'can't find it.'

Today, she had her coat in the car. She got out of the car with her coat and her bookbag. I told her to put her coat on, and she just stood there, completely befuddled. She couldn't work out how to put her coat on with her bookbag in her hand and it didn't even cross her mind that she could put the bag down then put on her coat. Same when we got to the classroom. She just stood in the cloakroom, because she didn't know where to put her hat/gloves/scarf so her 'algorithm' broke down.

troutsprout Wed 16-Jan-13 16:37:59

You could have been describing ds at 5 too. I used to have to stand exactly in front of the exit doors and never deviate from that plan when picking up otherwise he wouldn't see me.
The sequencing is still a problem ... But he has learnt how to plan an action and organise himself much better in the last 2 years. In fact I don't think he has lost a single piece of uniform/ kit in the last 2 years << touches everything in sight made of wood>>. That in itself is unbelievable.

lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 16:48:14

DD2 is now the owner of 1 cardigan. She was the owner of 3 cardigans in September.

TICKLETUMBLE Wed 16-Jan-13 16:52:22

OMG...this is DS all put down what he is holding in order to do something that takes two hands just doesn't occur to him, he just stands there utterly flumoxed.
he would also not necessarily think you are taliking to him unless you say his name at the start and during the conversation...he will quite often walk off thinking you are no longer talking to him, leaving me expaining things to the dog.........

ASD looking more likely the longer i linger here!

lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 16:55:48

Tickletumble - DD2 doesn't have a diagnosis of ASD. She doesn't have a diagnosis of anything and the teacher says she is fine. But others who have posted on this thread do have ASD diagnoses for their children.

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 16-Jan-13 17:10:44

Yes Lougle. How is it going with trying to get to the bottom of this with professionals?

You're writing all of this down right?

silverfrog Wed 16-Jan-13 17:30:14

dd2 does the 'but I can't put my coat/bag/hat/gloves on because I am holding a book/hairclip/blade of grass' thing too.

and despite knowing everything she needs to do when arriving at school (bag on peg, book into tray, etc) cannot manage any of it without being prompted. I swear her teacher thinks I am the worst kind of helicopter parent, but on the days when I don't run her through it, her libtrary book isn't returned/reading book isn't handed in etc.

Handywoman Wed 16-Jan-13 18:58:03

'You don't have my life!' is one of dd2's famous phrases! She had a fabulous teacher in y1 who would give whole group instruction then turn to dd2 and repeat it directly otherwise she would not realise it applied to her. Not sure how her new teachers are dealing with things. But it does sound familiar. I am not sure my dd2 would be able to focus at all whilst being able to see me through a window.

signandsmile Wed 16-Jan-13 18:58:21

my ASD ds does the 'can't find it' even if it literally at his feet, it's like he simply can't see it, he also has to take his shoes off and put them in the 'shoe box' individually, ie he has to take off one shoe, go to box and put it in, come back sit down and then repeat for the other one, it's only small but it drives me nuts blush

lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 20:12:59

We're in the 'system' Star. Awaiting referrals to audiology, OT, SALT (at my insistence). Teacher still denies any issues, stoically ignoring DD2's increasing strops as she is dropped off, despite being just 2 feet away. Stoically ignoring the fact that DD2 marches right up to her, presses herself against her, front to front, looks up and her and says 'hauurrr'. Stoically ignoring the fact that DD2 wanders round the classroom at circle time, while all the other children are sitting nicely.

Attendance letter threatening EWO, despite my daily contact with school while she was off. Head teacher says the pattern 'is not that of an ill child' because of sporadic days off. No, Mrs Head Teacher, it's the pattern of a parent who sent her child to school at the first chance that she may cope, then when she didn't, was forced to keep her off again.

But, you know, she's August-born hmm

lougle Wed 16-Jan-13 20:14:29

Oh, and because I am such a bad parent, who doesn't care about attendance, I'm driving 10 miles to the hospital each Monday, to arrive at 07.30, having my Mother look after DDs 1&3, get DD1 on her bus, etc., so that I'm back in our hometown in time for school.

<and breathe>

TICKLETUMBLE Thu 17-Jan-13 09:36:57

Lougle, I appreciate that you are in similar situation as we are - in the process of getting to the bottom of things (hopefully) but so many contributors here are recognising these kinds of behaviours with their DC that do have ASD dx, that it seems to be pointing me in that direction....that's all I was saying

lougle Thu 17-Jan-13 09:51:00

Oh of course smile I just didn't want you to think that maybe I had a dx for DD2, which could lead you to think that it all ties in, when in fact I have nothing but my own instincts and a 'something not quite right' from her Paed.

TICKLETUMBLE Thu 17-Jan-13 10:28:32

Frustrating isn't it. We have EP coming to school in two weeks.....hopefully that will shed a little more light.

My underdtanding of DS difficulties and and the 'standard' or classical behaviours and issues listsed for ADHD and ASD make me flip-flop from one to the other quite regularly...........DS has a touch of both as far as I can see.......or maybe its just the parents being rubbish, which has been suggested from time to time of course, but school know now how we are and are supporting us looking for other explanations........

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