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Singed by AIBU

(60 Posts)
zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 00:47:16

I know there must be others of you who find some of the views expressed on the main boards about our children really bruising.

I want to say how impressed I am with you all. You take no shit, and you are funny and human in the face of extreme provocation.

I have been having a bit of a sniff about it but "Tolerance is...." has caught m imagination.

Honk honk my dears.

saintlyjimjams Mon 31-Dec-12 23:36:20

I still don't understand why no-one just asked the parents to move him back.,

Pixel Sun 30-Dec-12 22:14:14

I've been to quite a few autism friendly cinema screenings and tbh I find them more peaceful than the normal ones. Maybe I've only been to ones with non-verbal kids like ds grin.

I was going to comment on that other thread that I'm Jolly glad we have tried to 'moderate' ds's behaviour. I dread to think what our lives would be like now he's nearly as big as me, if he was still behaving as he did as a toddler. People were getting quite stroppy forceful though and I chickened out blush.
I can see both sides of the argument. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect people to be understanding about a small amount of flapping etc but I would be there doing my best to minimize the disruption not sitting in another row entirely and trying to threaten instruct from afar!

eggandcress Sun 30-Dec-12 21:21:53

Thank you zzzzz

I think I will be a "go girl"

I am emancipated!

Thinking of lists of places he could go

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 21:08:46

smile drunk on a cinema trip!

Only on mn sn would we all really get that.

I feel like ignoring my large white pulpy body and extreme eau de house wife and shouting "you go girl" grin

eggandcress Sun 30-Dec-12 20:38:04

Yes I thought that too - the other kids just talked in normal voices, not in whispers

mymatemax Sun 30-Dec-12 20:37:40

ds2 is usually only disturbing others when he is updet himself so removing him from the situation is usually needed to calm him anyway.
The thing is now he is much bigger unless he is in his w/chair moving him when distressed is just not an option, we just have to sit with him & ride it out.
I do try not to let him disturb others enjoyment, particularly if at an event aimed at adults or needing more concentration.
But at a family or child event I try to let him just be himself.

I do believe there just needs to be more consideration from all to make life more inclusive for all.

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:34:18

It is funny: I had made a point of always going to cinema showings that would be really empty (eg 11am on a Tuesday) but the other week, through a combination if circs, we ended up at a PACKED 4 pm middle-of-the-holidays performance. And do you know what I discovered?

ALL the kids are noisy, running around and behaving badly. We actually hardly stuck out at all, albeit we were sitting in that nice disabled bit so the constant chair bouncing didn't register.

eggandcress Sun 30-Dec-12 20:29:39

I feel empowered by some of the parents on that thread - I am going to be more assertive and take ds to more stuff as I think his life is too empty

(one trip to the cinema and its gone to my head!)

StarOfLightMcKings3 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:28:43

I think it's complex because it is about context. That dad might have been threatening a smacked bum as the only thing he thought he coukd do to appease the judgies. I know sometimes the difference in my ability to parent and manage design a socially acceptable way can be affected by the actions and reactions of the people around and onlookers. Perhaps the boy has behaved well at other non-panto productions. That's what I mean by complex.

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:25:42

No buggy is stupid rule! That area is made for wheelchairs so surely buggy too!

eggandcress Sun 30-Dec-12 20:24:58

I think we would do that too sickof - next time. It is so long since I went to the cinema I forgot how it works! I thought you just sat anywhere but we had allocated seats. The front ones were empty

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 20:24:02

" I did hear the boy behind ask his mum why he was standing up and the mum said because he is enjoying himself which I thought was a lovely answer."

grin how lovely.

Well done for taking him and yay!

StarOfLightMcKings3 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:23:53

We do too sickof. Though silly cinema won't let me take the buggy in, even though there is space there, so trying to manage tiny baby, whiny dd and Ds with ASD when having baby in buggy there means I coukd manage Ds better.

wasuup3000 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:23:31

There were some posters on that thread who obviously had no understanding either way of what it is like to have a child/children who is different from their NT child/children. I think that is what was sad about the thread. That and the pain of the parents who were trying to explain this to them.

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:21:52


sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:21:33

Good on DS eggandcress!

We use the disabled setting at front of cinema, as then it doesn't matter if DS stands up or bounces (no-one directly behind us)

eggandcress Sun 30-Dec-12 20:19:23

Well something good has come out of the AIBU thread for us.

After reading that I suddenly felt desperate to take ds (severe autism/aged 13) to see Nativity 2 with DH and DD.

It was not without problems but over all a success ds loved the cinema - the seats, sitting in the dark, all the music in the film plus the popcorn. He seemed to look at the screen fleetingly and I think he was listening as he clapped at one point when they were clapping. He did get a bit wild when the water scenes were on as he truly loves water and stood up a couple of times but ok really. I did hear the boy behind ask his mum why he was standing up and the mum said because he is enjoying himself which I thought was a lovely answer.

I think I would risk it again but not too often!

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 20:15:48

I think most posters are just like us before we had children with sn. I don't think it's too complex, just maybe your mind has been pondering other truths.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 20:12:05

Although I missed the thread so I should have said that on there, of course... ^^

StarOfLightMcKings3 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:11:46

What sickof said. It is far to complex for the average AIBUer. A bit like getting into the same debate on the Daily Mail website. Absolutely not worth the effort.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 20:11:19

I think it's difficult when threads get polarised. But whether individual parents would choose to take their DCs to a panto or not is not the point to me - as I've said, the ignoring of the 'normal rules of theatre' would drive my own DS insane. I'm also in the camp who works hard on reducing stims.

But all that said. The child attended the panto and that's his right. And I'm going to defend that right. Because the alternative is unthinkable, to me.

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:07:38

I have one of the noisiest autistic kids I've come across, but it is not his right to be noisy where it spoils the enjoyment of others. If that is the case, I either teach him painstakingly and over many years and much stress to be quiet(er), or we don't go. But if I had gone on AIBU and said that, it would be misused by bigots ("well, see, that's an actual autism mum agreeing that her child shouldn't be allowed in the theatre. "). I have spent many years on here fighting on AIBU threads (with some rather fine swearing, if I say so myself) but sometimes it is not worth the fight.

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 19:51:08

I agree that it isn't easy explaining repeatedly that behavioural problems aren't all solvable by being a bit tougher, But I didn't see too much scrounger talk.

I find myself becoming more and more hard line about inclusion. But realistically I live a fairly isolated life and home educate my most vulnerable child, so my life is inclusion on my terms.

I do feel totally incensed by people talking about the general public or society as though people with disabilities are somehow outside those groups. angry

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 19:37:04

I agree. All nuances of discussion on disabled issues would be lost in AIBU in a maelstrom of prejudice ("autism and ADHD are made-up,these are just naughty kids, bloody spongers,not really disabled blah blah")

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Sun 30-Dec-12 19:32:19

I'd rather comment here, where it's safe. It seemed to be getting unnecessarily confrontational and militant on the thread.

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