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Singed by AIBU

(60 Posts)
zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 00:47:16

I know there must be others of you who find some of the views expressed on the main boards about our children really bruising.

I want to say how impressed I am with you all. You take no shit, and you are funny and human in the face of extreme provocation.

I have been having a bit of a sniff about it but "Tolerance is...." has caught m imagination.

Honk honk my dears.

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 17:05:56

I think the suggestion that the child isn't happy anyway is impossible for us to guess. But certainly my son does not alway look happy when he is and he often gets overexcited when watching something really good on TV.

I'm sure all the parents of children with sn understand what it is like to not be able to do what an able child could. How could we not.

I'm sure the vast majority of us would love to move through the world without comment or censer. I guess if you have a more acceptable disability this is easier to achieve. If you look like a ten year old but behave like a two year old I guess people are less understanding. They believe they could manage better.

googlyeyes Sun 30-Dec-12 17:31:02

I believe in inclusion, and we expose ds1 to as many situations as we possibly can, absolutely expecting reasonable adjustments to be made for his disability.

I would never take him to a 'normal' theatre or cinema showing though. It would be completely unreasonable for me to expect that other people (who have paid a lot for their tickets, panto or not) should have their enjoyment of the show ruined. I simply don't believe that's fair, and I'm usually very trigger happy when it comes to threatening with the DDA. I don't believe it would be great fun for ds either, constantly being nagged to sit down, ssh, etc by me.

Ds has no hope at present of understanding social, or any other, rules, hence for us relaxed performances are a godsend. To me, that is a sign of the theatres/ cinemas making reasonable adjustments. Not that I'm keen enough on panto to try it just yet, but this year our local theatre put on a relaxed showing of Aladdin, and I thought that was great.

If ds was able to learn how to behave in certain situations it might be different, but a significant proportion of autistic children aren't.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Sun 30-Dec-12 17:43:16

I read the aibu thread but didn't comment as I really didn't agree with a lot of the sn mummy's opinions.
DS wouldn't cope at a normal panto so I wouldn't go as it wouldn't be nice for him or the rest of the audience.
I'm all for exposing DS to as many different experiences as possible but I also try to reduce his stimming and noises if possible just like I would my NT child if she was being loud.
It definitely is give and take and judging what would be doable and what wouldn't.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 19:08:40

All that said, I think the surge of relaxed performances this year Is down to the young person with autism who was asked to Leave a performance of Wicked last year remember certainly the Ambassador group did a few and a couple of theatres near me did them for the first time.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 19:09:24

^^ complete punctuation fail blush

DorsetKnobwithJingleBellsOn Sun 30-Dec-12 19:10:46

I have been singed/badly burnt by special needs.

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 19:15:31

strong I'm sorry you didn't feel able to post. I don think you should have held back because you disagreed. I understand you don think it would work for your dc, but would you say all noisey disabled individuals should stay home?

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 19:16:36

dorset hmm

Toughasoldboots Sun 30-Dec-12 19:17:12

I read the thread too and didn't agree with many of the other posters ( the parents of dc with sn). I didn't want to get in a fight , so didn't comment.
I have a dd with ASD and I think that there needs to be a balance between everyone's needs.

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 19:22:27

"Don't" sorry all.

tough there were other mums with children with sn who didn't agree.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Sun 30-Dec-12 19:32:19

I'd rather comment here, where it's safe. It seemed to be getting unnecessarily confrontational and militant on the thread.

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 19:37:04

I agree. All nuances of discussion on disabled issues would be lost in AIBU in a maelstrom of prejudice ("autism and ADHD are made-up,these are just naughty kids, bloody spongers,not really disabled blah blah")

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 19:51:08

I agree that it isn't easy explaining repeatedly that behavioural problems aren't all solvable by being a bit tougher, But I didn't see too much scrounger talk.

I find myself becoming more and more hard line about inclusion. But realistically I live a fairly isolated life and home educate my most vulnerable child, so my life is inclusion on my terms.

I do feel totally incensed by people talking about the general public or society as though people with disabilities are somehow outside those groups. angry

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:07:38

I have one of the noisiest autistic kids I've come across, but it is not his right to be noisy where it spoils the enjoyment of others. If that is the case, I either teach him painstakingly and over many years and much stress to be quiet(er), or we don't go. But if I had gone on AIBU and said that, it would be misused by bigots ("well, see, that's an actual autism mum agreeing that her child shouldn't be allowed in the theatre. "). I have spent many years on here fighting on AIBU threads (with some rather fine swearing, if I say so myself) but sometimes it is not worth the fight.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 20:11:19

I think it's difficult when threads get polarised. But whether individual parents would choose to take their DCs to a panto or not is not the point to me - as I've said, the ignoring of the 'normal rules of theatre' would drive my own DS insane. I'm also in the camp who works hard on reducing stims.

But all that said. The child attended the panto and that's his right. And I'm going to defend that right. Because the alternative is unthinkable, to me.

StarOfLightMcKings3 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:11:46

What sickof said. It is far to complex for the average AIBUer. A bit like getting into the same debate on the Daily Mail website. Absolutely not worth the effort.

WeWilsonAMerryChristmas Sun 30-Dec-12 20:12:05

Although I missed the thread so I should have said that on there, of course... ^^

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 20:15:48

I think most posters are just like us before we had children with sn. I don't think it's too complex, just maybe your mind has been pondering other truths.

eggandcress Sun 30-Dec-12 20:19:23

Well something good has come out of the AIBU thread for us.

After reading that I suddenly felt desperate to take ds (severe autism/aged 13) to see Nativity 2 with DH and DD.

It was not without problems but over all a success ds loved the cinema - the seats, sitting in the dark, all the music in the film plus the popcorn. He seemed to look at the screen fleetingly and I think he was listening as he clapped at one point when they were clapping. He did get a bit wild when the water scenes were on as he truly loves water and stood up a couple of times but ok really. I did hear the boy behind ask his mum why he was standing up and the mum said because he is enjoying himself which I thought was a lovely answer.

I think I would risk it again but not too often!

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:21:33

Good on DS eggandcress!

We use the disabled setting at front of cinema, as then it doesn't matter if DS stands up or bounces (no-one directly behind us)

sickofsocalledexperts Sun 30-Dec-12 20:21:52


wasuup3000 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:23:31

There were some posters on that thread who obviously had no understanding either way of what it is like to have a child/children who is different from their NT child/children. I think that is what was sad about the thread. That and the pain of the parents who were trying to explain this to them.

StarOfLightMcKings3 Sun 30-Dec-12 20:23:53

We do too sickof. Though silly cinema won't let me take the buggy in, even though there is space there, so trying to manage tiny baby, whiny dd and Ds with ASD when having baby in buggy there means I coukd manage Ds better.

zzzzz Sun 30-Dec-12 20:24:02

" I did hear the boy behind ask his mum why he was standing up and the mum said because he is enjoying himself which I thought was a lovely answer."

grin how lovely.

Well done for taking him and yay!

eggandcress Sun 30-Dec-12 20:24:58

I think we would do that too sickof - next time. It is so long since I went to the cinema I forgot how it works! I thought you just sat anywhere but we had allocated seats. The front ones were empty

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