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Does my ds have high functioning aspergers syndrome? Any advice?

(19 Posts)
cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 17:07:50

Have been having severe behavioural probs with ds aged 8 for 18 months now. He is very bright, G & T for english in y3 and was for maths in y2. He loves reading, football and ds/wii etc.
At home he is a nightmare, generally. He shouts, has tantrums, throws things, hits everyone and swears. Some of this is my fault, I can lose my temper but lately he is increasingly driving me mad. he seems to delight in winding other family members up esp dd aged 22 months. We have had school nurse adice and camhs who basically said we were coming down too hard on him and alot of the probs were to do with his intelligence. That worked backing off but it didn't really help with what we do do if he knocks sister over etc. he is so angry. School nurse described him as a sad little boy. I agree he is but am finding him increasingly harder to reach out to.i am so tired of the crap behaviour and have tried so hard to be the mum he needs me to be but I feel so worn down and am beginning to hate his company. Dh does come down harder on him.
i just googled about behaviour and this link came up. i feel that it is defintely how we are dealing with ds that isn't right but i my instinct is, we are dealing with more than naughtiness.
he needs to know plans for the day to the minute. He hates being out of the loop, gets mad if he does not win.
What do you think?

Goldmandra Sat 22-Dec-12 17:51:39

It would be impossible to say from your description whether your DS has AS. My suggestion would be that you read up about it and decide for yourself if you would like him to go through the assessment process.

Tony Attwood has written a lot about AS and this book clarified a lot for me when CAMHS first suggested that DD1 may have Autism.

Certainly needing to know plans and getting upset if they lose are issues for many children with AS but those things are a tiny, tiny part of a much bigger picture.

Ineedpigsinblankets Sat 22-Dec-12 18:37:19

I agree about Tony Attwood, I have "The complete Guide to Aspergers", it is really easy to read and you can dip in and out of it.

Your library should have a copy or be able to get you one. I think it might help you.

Also read up on "dual or multiple exceptionality" on www.nagcbritain.org.uk/

Fwiw, I have 2 very bright children one has a diagnosis of ASD, the other is undiagnosed but to my mind has aspergers.

Good lucksmile

CaHoHoHootz Sat 22-Dec-12 18:48:11

You need to go to the doctors and get a referral to a physiatrist. Only they will be able to tell you. It is comman for people with no medical knowledge to confuse Asperger type characteristics with actual Aspergers. IYSWIM
Good luck.

cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 18:59:03

Thank you ladies. CAMHS didn't mention Autism at all but they barely saw ds! we had 3 appointments and were almost fobbed off on 1st one until i cried! DS said he purposefully made out everything was ok because he didn't want them to be cross with him sad DS was angelic there and they asked for the remaining 2 appointments to be without him so no way could they have picked up on anything within 45 mins!
Dh was borderline when a child but neither him or Mum will tell me much about it! is it inherited i wonder? Dh had a squint and ds has a weaker left eye> i vaguely saw something about link with eye problems. will go back to docs.
I feel I have been plugging away for ages trying to convince people there is a problem and noone is listening!
Will have a look at those books, thank you.

fuckadoodlepoopoo Sat 22-Dec-12 19:06:50

That's interesting about the eye thing. I believe that both my dad and brother have sn of one sort or another and they both have/had lazy eyes.

Ineedpigsinblankets Sat 22-Dec-12 19:21:07

cheeky I also meant to say, if after you have read up on aspergers you still think your Ds may show signs of it, you need to go to your GP and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

In the meantime, start a diary of any unusual/challenging behaviours, what causes them [if you know] and how you deal with them.

No one on here would dream of trying to diagnose another posters child but when I had difficulty getting proffs to take me seriously about Dd3 my diary really made them sit up and take notice of what I was saying.

Also video evidence is taken seriously, some people on here have videoed there child's quirky behaviour/meltdowns.

cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 20:01:18

Thanks ineedpigsinblankets, good idea!

Goldmandra Sat 22-Dec-12 20:03:30

If you do ask for an assessment you will probably be asked why you want to label your child. You need to think through how you thing the difficulties you see affect his ability to lead a normal life and how a diagnosis might help him get any support he needs.

Oh and don't let anyone tell you that being fine in school means he doesn't have any difficulties. Many children with ASD work very hard to appear to be fine in school in the same way your DS did in that CAMHS appointment.

cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 20:12:59

because he if does have autism or any form of it it gives me more to work with than just being 'naughty' does! My instinct is that there is more to it! A diagnosis would make his and our life easier I would hope. I have mentioned that we will go back to the doctor which he pulled a face at but he said that was better than seeing his teacher which i have been talking about doing. he is proud of his reputation at school so you are definitely right there Goldmandra, thankyou.

cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 20:14:41

I have had it said that the fact he is fine in school shows he can control his feelings/temper etc. Infant school were really disinterested because he was so good at school...Juniors i have no broached yet really.

zzzzz Sat 22-Dec-12 20:24:38

I don't believe any child (or adult for that matter) are just being naughty, when they behave as you describe. Nothing screams ASD at me, but then we don't know you or your ds so you need professional assessment to ge any proper insighon that. The behaviour does sound lik he is very sad and stressed.

What makes him happy?
What are the things that make him worse?

Try to see his behaviour as a result of some stimulus rather than illogical. Keep notes of what happens before and you will soon start to see cause an effect, then you can start helping.

cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 20:40:26

He is happiest playing football, having one to one proper attention, getting praise, playing ds/ipod etc, reading, playing with close friens (if all going ok)
Hates being told no, dd's general presence 90% of the time, being forgotten (dh forgot fishfingers, his faves last weekend and he has talked alot about not being cared for/forgotten about etc) not being 1st, not getting enough independence.
He admits his tantrums are when he is more bored, which i have noticed. you are right too zzzzz but after a while you can't see past the bad behaviour really. I just want ds to be alright and happy but we seem to have lost sight of how.

zzzzz Sat 22-Dec-12 21:20:47

At 8 and bright it would be appropriate to make him part of the solution to all of this. Could you try asking him for ideas as to how it could be made better.

Simple token ideas work well. So get a jar and ten marbles/ stones/ toy cars/ whatever. He does something good like load dishwasher/ play nicely for half an hour/ etc you put a car in, he kicks off/hurts sib/swears you take a car out. At the end of the day you look in the jar at bedtime. If he has 10 cars he chooses from a selection of prizes (get him to help, but I'm guessing fish fingers for tea would be good, not money things, homey things like Dad will take you down the park), if he doesn't have 10 talk about how he "only needs 3 more tomorrow", focus on the good, om harp on the bad.

If he is more prone to kicking off when bored, perhaps help him find some more positive stuff to fill his time? Model making? Sport? Give him a box with glue, string, rubber bands, balsa wood, sand paper and let him make stuff. Mine spends a lot of time flinging stuffed angry birds across the room with a bit of elastic.

I'd focus on keeping him busy so he isn't being naughty and you can both feel a bit happier.

If he is hurting the teeny you will have to seperate them or sit with them. sad

cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 21:26:02

Thanks zzzzz, I asked him already what he would like to do. he said colouring in, board games, making things. At the moment, our double bed is in dining room so dd and ds have a bedroom each but the lack of space is causing real problems and tomorrow we are going back in with dd (putting kids together after xmas but ds looking forward to sharing room with nana when she arrives) and making dining room a dining room/play room. I have been finding after school until dh comes home a horrible miserable time ( i work until school pick up). Now i plan to have felts crayons etc out on table, get a table ready with tv and xbox and bean bag in corner also plus dd's toy kitchen and more space for her to run around. It would be lovely to have proper time with the kids after school so that is my plan!

cheekymonk Sat 22-Dec-12 21:27:38

Also i have tried a pasta jar idea similar to yours suggested by school nurse. it does seem to be the most effective method so yes we should try it again! Thanks zzzzz

zzzzz Sat 22-Dec-12 23:22:24

Tennis balls in the clear tube tub they come in work very well because you can see how many are in there easily.

Niceweather Sun 23-Dec-12 07:37:56

This book might also be of interest: http://books.google.co.uk/books/about/Misdiagnosis_And_Dual_Diagnoses_Of_Gifte.html?id=NQrtt-peg5AC&redir_esc=y

Misdiagnosis And Dual Diagnoses Of Gifted Children And Adults

Niceweather Sun 23-Dec-12 07:39:01

Made it bold instead of link:

books.google.co.uk/books/about/Misdiagnosis_And_Dual_Diagnoses_Of_Gifte.html?id=NQrtt-peg5AC&redir_esc=y

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