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Bit rambly but does anyone feel this way about being a carer?

(7 Posts)
YourHandInMyHand Thu 06-Dec-12 20:25:22

I gave up my job to be DS's carer almost 4 years ago. I miss having a working life, adult company. But what I miss the most is the pride of having my own wages. There seems to be an air of seething resentment amongst the general populace over anyone on benefits. It makes me feel ashamed, embarrassed. sad

I almost had a job until I told them I could only work part time, I almost had a job but despite promises about giving me a fixed rota it never materialised so that went out the window too. I started a college course this September but had to quit due to anxiety and depression.

I feel I will never get my own life back on track.
I know feel people judge me for not working.
I lose sleep worrying what will happen when DS's DLA and my CA get cut.

And that's just the financial/ career side of being a carer, don't even get me started on my lack of a personal life. sad

Does anyone else feel like this?

bigbluebus Thu 06-Dec-12 21:05:39

I gave up my job to be DDs carer 13 years ago. I miss the money big style as we have had to give up lots of things, especially since DH downsized his job too, so that he wasn't working long hours any more. We are fortunate that DH has a job that just keeps a roof over our heads and food on the table and I am grateful that we are not relying on benefits, on top of the day to day stresses of caring.

I had hoped that I would be able to return to work one day, but not having worked for so long and not being qualified in anything in particular, doesn't put me in a good place in the current economic climate.

I know that trying to juggle work and caring would also be extremely stressful. DD has been ill for the last few days and dealing with that has been bad enough without trying to juggle work too.
I do voluntary work when DD is at school, just to get me out of the house and give me something to put on a CV should I need it in future. DH and I rarely go out together as we don't have much disposable income and our respite arrangements have been unreliable in the past. That is the life I have resigned myself to now.

Lougle Thu 06-Dec-12 21:06:19

I nearly booked a Return to Practice course starting in January. I managed to secure a practice placement, then realised that childcare was impossible, in part because of DD1's bus.

I think though, it's important to have perspective. I'm 33 and when I retire, retirement age will be 70+ - that's 40 years.

SantyClaWsBeardyHeed Thu 06-Dec-12 21:19:47

As a carer the government consider you an employee and pay you carer's allowance and make sure you have stamps paid toward your state pension to recognise this but they get to ignore health and safety etc.

There is still a total lack of respect for carers in our society and the press hate mongering is really not helping. I am moving towns soon and will start part time doing research or editing or something so that I no longer have people thinking they have a right to know my financial business!

SallyBear Thu 06-Dec-12 21:23:01

I have now given up any intention of returning to work. DD has terrible respiratory problems and DS4 has non verbal ASD. DH is abroad a lot and I have less stress being at home than I would trying to juggle work, home and childcare. I would be a basket case if I tried to do everything!!!

YourHandInMyHand Thu 06-Dec-12 21:28:39

I'm 30 so I too have another 40 years to retirement age. :-/

I feel so fed up!

Feel like screaming at the benefits haters - I'd be better off working 16 hours at minimum wage - it's not like I'm living the life of riley! The only issue is finding someone who'll hire me and let me work the same days each week.

My confidence is shot too. Was hoping college would help with that but couldn't manage it- vicious circle. sad

I only recently started on ADs but am thinking in new year I will do a few hours a week volunteering so I something to put on a CV.

YourHandInMyHand Thu 06-Dec-12 21:29:33

No boyfriend/partner/husband here.

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