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Someone sent me this today and I thought I'd share

(33 Posts)
moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 19:24:15

My mum sent me this quote today and I thought I'd share it with you lot, as after the day I've had (not good at all) it helped a little:

'Courage is going from failure to failure
without losing enthusiasm'
~ Winston Churchill ~

Personally I'd replace the word enthusiasm with drive or hope, but you guys'll get what I mean either way.

I really wasn't feeling very courageous at the time, just desperate and pretty much defeated after yet another fail and it made me rethink things a little.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Mon 19-Nov-12 19:27:09

Oh dear, moose. School still being shit? What a shame he's got the rest of the year to get through. They just aren't going to play nicely now, are they, I expect they can't be bothered as he's in Y6. July is still a long time away, though, especially when you are 10 or 11. sad

imogengladhart Mon 19-Nov-12 19:28:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 19:44:57

Yep, only this time the staff have been badmouthing me to him and bitching about me within his earshot. The thing is they know he has radar hearing, so of course he came home and said "Mummy why did Mrs A say X and why did Mrs B say Y?".

Mrs B said - "Ds1, your mummy isn't here and she should mind her own business and let the school do it's job" and a little bit more besides. shock angry

He then said it made him feel like there is a war going on and he's stuck in the middle and that the teacher and TA keep asking him questions he doesn't know how to answer and it's making him stressed. He then explained that they are asking whether or not he wants certain provision and he feels they want him to say no, but he doesn't think he should. sad

At this point I finally lost patience completely, rang the school and gave it to the senco - both barrels!

This time she didn't manage to get round me and I told the whole thing to her straight, from non implementation of the statement, what's not happening that should be, what's happening that shouldn't and the fact that much as the staff don't like me and see me as the enemy, I have no choice but to stay on top of things, because after the school's repeated inability to meet my son's needs and the inumerable times they have failed him I simply don't trust them.

I pointed out that I have never been anything other than polite and reasonable with the school, have always respected all the professionals involved in ds's care and agreed to trial things that I knew wouldn't work for him out of respect for the knowledge and experience of individual professionals, but this really was the final tipping point and enough is enough. If the teachers see me as the enemy, then that is their problem and highly unprofessional, as not only should teachers have the best interests of their pupils at heart, they should welcome parental input to help make their job of supporting dcs easier. If teachers and LSAs listened to parents more, instead of dismissing them as a nuisance or interfering busybodies then perhaps they might learn something about how to handle their dcs. After all parents have known their dcs all their life, whereas these so-called professional have only been failing their needs for 8 weeks. Their tit for tat deliberate avoidance or doing the polar opposite of anything I suggest is damaging to my ds and purely childish games designed to wind me up with no regard for what it's doing to him and I won't have it any more. angry

She has apparently taken it straight to the head as she said it's too serious for any other course of action. She also wants to have yet another meeting with myself, dh, the inclusion teacher and her boss and all staff involved in ds's care.

I told her I don't think yet another meeting is going to solve the issue, as too much time has already been wasted sitting around talking. We've already had two meetings and nothing has changed, in fact things have got worse.

I've left it that I will discuss the situation with dh and get back to them.

I am beyond furious, but feel a lot better for finally saying it all out loud to them.

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 19-Nov-12 19:50:44

Oh phew, at least it isn't that awful Holland Poem!

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Mon 19-Nov-12 19:53:58

Wow, good on you, moose! Yes, enough meetings, they know what they should be doing, all they need to do is get on with it. 'Mind her own business,' indeed! WTAF!

StarlightMcKenzie Mon 19-Nov-12 19:54:06

Tell them that she shoukd go ahead with the meeting as heads need to roll, but yours doesn't so you'll be in a naice cafe at the time.

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 20:01:24

grin Star, no not the Holland Poem. I don't usually do quotes, but I think I must have needed it today.

I might just use your suggestion and actually go and have a humungous slice of cake while they have yet another meeting! grin

I am seriously hoping ds won't have to work another day with that particular LSA, but I think that's unlikely. This is woman who couldn't work out how ds could possibly do his homework on a computer at home, because if he did he would have no way of handing it in to his teacher. confused She then made him print out a picture to use in his homework - even though he told her four or five times he didn't need it and couldn't use it anyway as his homework would be done on the computer. She's also the woman who repeatedly picked up and shook his seedlings today even though he very eloquently told her "please don't do that, it's making me feel very uncomfortable" she then proceeded to deliberately pick the plants up repeatedly and shake them throughout the session, until ultimately one of the leaves split - and she is supposed to use that session to get him prepared, calm and ready for learning. angry

Oh - and she's the very person I told them I didn't think was suitable for the job. angry

The scary thing is that she also supports another little boy with ASD in the afternoons and he is not as high functioning as ds1 with language problems, so can't speak up for himself. sad

BeeMom Mon 19-Nov-12 20:17:38

The Holland poem... what a lovely piece of drivel.

Our journey has been more like...

Lose your luggage, have your passport stolen, get yelled at in a language you don't understand, denied the right to return home... oh, and those bloody tulips make you sneeze, anyhow :P

Yeah, it is one of those days.

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 20:19:53

Hi BeeMom <passes Ben & Jerry's> Well there has to be some compensation at the end of a day like today. wink

NoHaudinMaWheest Mon 19-Nov-12 20:22:48

Good grief Moose how on earth can this be classed as support!

And to make remarks about you in your child's hearing! It is obviously totally unprofessional but it defies common sense as well. Anyone who knows anything about children, SN or not, knows not to run down their parents in front of them surely???

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 20:27:02

Well you'd think so wouldn't you NoHaudin, apparently not though. hmm

zzzzz Mon 19-Nov-12 20:32:22

sad moose is there any escape? Is big school sorted or still up in the air?

I'll shake her bloody seedlings. Why do people have to be so horrid? angry

I find this helpful.

Not just to try and be, but because this is what I need to teach my dc.

bialystockandbloom Mon 19-Nov-12 20:37:08

Sorry to hear all this shit is still going on moose, really do hope that things are sorted asap.

But like ellenjane said, wow! Way to go!!

badgerparade Mon 19-Nov-12 21:16:21

Good for you moose. Sometimes these people need to have their crapness spelled out to them angry. I have a major meeting tomorrow myself and if I get any more rubbish or fob off's am likely to flip.

badgerparade Mon 19-Nov-12 21:22:31

I just read all that you'd said to dh and he asked if I was sure that I hadn't written it grin

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 21:54:51

Hi zzzzz. Big school is kind of sorted. We've named the local secondary where ds wants to go with his best friend and it did feel right when we went on the tour, but since then we've been told about a very good out of area independent, that a few kids from our local support group attend. Apparently our LEA buys up a certain number of cases every year, but they don't always get filled, so the LEA would probably be happy for him to go there.

It has a high proportion of children with ASD, does a lot of great enrichment stuff and seems to get a thumbs up all round - but - it's a hour's travel on sen transport each way across the city centre and ds is adamant he doesn't want to go there, he wants to go to the same school as his friends.

We have just received a copy of his statement to confirm which school we want named and dh wants to visit the school and have a think - but I feel that ds needs to feel that we are behind him and willing to try and do things his way and make it work before trying something else.

I suggested that in the first instance we put it second, support ds to go to the local school where he wants to go - and to be fair did seem more than able to give him the support he needs and we know of a couple of other lads with AS that go there. Then if it really doesn't work out, we pull him out and give him the choice of homeschooling or the independent school.

We haven't reached an agreement as yet, but ds totally lost it when I even mooted the independent to him the other day, as there was a write up about it in a local education magazine and it sounded great. <sigh>

I love that poem too. smile

Thanks bialy.

Badger, lol at your dh! Hope your meeting goes well and you don't have to resort to my lengths to make them listen.

badgerparade Mon 19-Nov-12 22:05:35

The independent sounds good moose but if your ds would rather be with his friends then that will go a long way helping him to settle at the mainstream.
My ds is the total opposite - everyone from his school goes to the one high school but there's absolutely no way that ds would cope there. It's all very difficult finding the right fit for them isn't it?

zzzzz Mon 19-Nov-12 22:18:47

Focus on what will give him inner strength, not exams or commutes. Which situation will give him the bet chance of reaching his potential.

If school can't stop damaging him, think carefully about hat he gins from the next 2 terms.

Challengeing parenting requires creative solutions.

zzzzz Mon 19-Nov-12 22:20:15

Sorry about the typos, I have boomerang go to bedders tonight. <sigh>

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 22:20:42

It is really hard isn't it.

Part of me thinks that the independent would almost definitely be more tolerant of differences and allow individuals to be themselves. There's always the concern with the local secondary that, although his peers from this school are very accepting of him (with a couple of notable exceptions) we can't guarantee that the pupils that go there from other local primaries will be as accepting and he will be then be an easy target for bullying and teasing.

He does have a nice little group of friends around him where he is at the moment and they would all be going to the same local secondary as him, but of course they will all be split up amongst ability groups and subjects, so won't necessarily be together all that often.

There was a third option, which is a local secondary with unit, although ds wouldn't meet the unit's criteria, as it's primarily children with language and communication problems. The school is where many children with AS are encouraged to go, simply because they have a lot of statemented children and are used to pupils with SEN. We visited it and it literally felt like colditz. We were shown round by two lovely lads from the unit, who did their best to try and tell us they like it there - but failed dismally. Then when we spoke with the senco it became clear that they are seriously overstretched and under-resourced with more and more SEN pupils on the roll every year and no extra provision to meet their needs. The boys were very keen to show us the 'prison' which is where pupils have to work in isolation when they are badly behaved - they informed us that it's very busy down there. shock

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 22:29:05

zzzzz, if I could I would pull him out in a heartbeat, but he doesn't want me to. His rules are that he goes to school every day and on top of that he wants to see his best friend and go to cricket club and choir. sad

Honestly? In my heart I suspect the independent might be better for his soul, iyswim, but then the local secondary also has lots of things that he would really love and have every chance of firing him up and carrying him through and it definitely felt right when we met the head of LS and went on a tour of the place. They seemed sure they could easily meet the levels of support he needs and they have a large LS department which seems to back that up.

I am really not sure he'd cope with an hour travel there and back to the indy either. He get's travel sickness just going up the road.

Urgh. I just don't know. It feels like whatever we do it has huge potential to go horribly wrong. I wish I had a crystal ball.

zzzzz Mon 19-Nov-12 22:30:27

Not the school with in house prison. shock

I think independent will be gentler socially, but what about academic pressure? For example most independent schools have exams twice a year plus twice termly ranking on grades from class work. How would he cope with that sort of pressure? PE can be a much larger part of the curriculum. How would that sit with him?

I think you are right to worry about how much contact he will get with friends at the state secondary. At our local the primary children have one other child from their primary school in there set.

moosemama Mon 19-Nov-12 22:50:10

Oh Lord no! The colditz school hasn't even approached the shortlist.

From what I know of it, this independent is kind of set up as an ASD friendly school, so a lot of focus on enrichment (they do kayaking and dog training as options shock) and less pressure on standard academic achievements. The thing is I'm not sure that's right for ds, as he is ok academically given the right support to remove barriers/access to learning (eg use of a laptop and extra time in exams).

The local school said they always put y7's in with one friend for their form group and that they tend to put two in with children who struggle socially, as if one is off there is always someone else there first thing, rather than the day starting off badly and going downhill from there (I thought this was quite good and showed they'd considered things from the perspective of needing to keep things as consistent as possible). There are three local primaries that feed into this particular secondary including ds's school, so it's big, but not one of these mahoosive faceless academies they have a lot these days. Form groups are vertical and pupils are buddied with older pupils for the first year and SEN pupils for longer than that, if necessary and welcomed by the sen pupil. They seem to have thought things through and have some good systems in place.

zzzzz Mon 19-Nov-12 22:55:02

Find some Mums with sen children at each school. Better to get it as right as you can first time than chop and change.

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