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What is going on with DS?(13 Posts)
DS has AS/ADHD (8) and has been going really well for most of the year, to the extent that we started looking into moving him from specialist into mainstream schooling. Last Sunday he had a bad day with not being able to listen/ pay attention/stop talking and on Monday and Tuesday had bad days at school including lengthy meltdown and tonight the same again when he couldn't find something. I just can't figure out what happened. Do children ever regress at this age?
Has anything changed in school? Teacher or support teacher altered? Practicing for a Christmas play?
A small change could be a big thing.
I have read that behaviours kind of levels out then spikes up then levels out as they are learning more and maturing more.
Thanks coffee pot. It just seems so sudden. I think there are rehearsals for end of year play, and that can make him over- excited, but it's more how he copes with winning and losing or not being able to progress through the levels of a game. He is a perfectionist and it just seems as though he feels he has no worth if he is not winning/achieving. I also feel that he has become more aware that he loses control and is ashamed of it, so it could be that he is being self-critical. He is so angry with his friends when they beat him at something I'm worried he's going to put them off him.
I wish I knew how to help him with this competitiveness. It seems so bound up with his self esteem. I have tried using social goals or 'wins' to get through to him but he just says 'blah blah'.
ahhh I have a little man here that is just the same when it comes to win or lose you are not alone
It is hard for them isnt it. With DS he dreads a game where he is not in control of as the fear of not knowing the outcome makes him anxious which games of monopoly, cards etc dont predict a winner.
He wont do PE with others incase he makes a fool of himself either its a self esteem issue. Also the comment "I can do better than that" comes out when he is excited that it is something he CAN do which doesnt make him sound very nice and that he is putting the other child down when infact he isnt he is just pleased that he can jump, roll etc rather than catch a ball etc.
I do a lot of games at home no more than 20 mins long. DD and DS take turns in CHOOSING what they want to play and the other has to go along with it. I use the clock as a timer so DS can focus that its going to be over soon and then it will be his choice etc. I play too and I lose and I make a big thing of it by saying something like "oh noooooo and laughing and saying well done and patting the child that won on the back showing good sportsmanship, saying something like if I keep practicing then maybe next time I just might come second". Helping him a bit to understand that losing doesnt matter and look mother doesnt sulk shout or flip.
Its a slow process though and goes with the mood!
The change in normal classroom routine to do lots of X-mas rehearals may well be enough to upset his sense of routine and security. This and all the X-mas anticipation used to set DS off. There is much less of this in high school though so hopefully we will see it calmer this year for us.
They are doing rehersals at our school. DS is allowed his ipod to listen to when it is on so he cant hear all the singing and chatting as he goes by. It helps as he can pretend its not happening and they dont force him to take part either but he is writing (on clicker) about the play instead
Maybe they could give your DS a job for the show that he would be confident in doing like handing out pamphlets or opening and shuting the curtains out of sight . might make him feel responsible for something but not to pressured iyswim x
With my DS, I'd often get a few days of poor focus or behaviour before he came down with a virus. That may be completely irrelevant in your case, but you never know.
Thanks all of you. Coffee I am going to try out your method and try to enlist DHm though he (and his mother) are not known for their good sportsmanship (hmm)!
EllenJane, I did wonder about that too but I don't think it is a virus in his case, but that does also go for DS. Though sometimes they can be mild without great symptoms, can't they.
DS really likes plays, it's just that it's unstructured and he gets overly excited and takes a while to calm down.....
He is gradually settling as the week advances.
Could he be ill?
When DS gets even a slight cold he loses all his skills overnight and becomes much less able to do even simple things. His autism just looks so much more severe.
Its only when he is ill I realise just how hard he has to work to do ordinary things everyday.
Also Xmas term is always a really long term and all the children are tired. Its cold and dark all the time. Sometimes can just be feeing a bit run down and yes schools go silly over Xmas stuff and the routine gets lost for weeks with rehearsing which is always a nightmare for the children who need structure.
I was going to say "could he be unwell" too. Mine is massively challengeing when he is even slightly ill.
DS2 does this - he does fairly well (for him) for awhile, then has a few weeks where he is just all over the place, then is okay again for awhile.
He's been struggling quite a bit this last week, but he's been on new meds, the school schedule is completely out of whack right now due to scheduling changes, and the weather change has kick started his asthma off so he's a bit under the weather as well. Even one of those things will alter his behaviour, so all three was bound to do something!
It could be something as simple as him having a growth spurt, so he'd be more tired without any obvious cause and then the bad reactions are quick to come in.
My 2 sons started a few melodramas around this age, one aspie, one non-aspie, so it could be a simple, age-related reason with a difficult end result for you and him.
I also find ds has major regressions preceeding achieving something new if that makes sense. When he is consolodating a new skill, all his coping skills go out the window. My ds has worked loads on physical skills this year and has done major things like hanging from the bars and JUMPING!!! down from there and climbing up the chain ladder. These are huge for him and we have had a pretty rocky year emotionally as a result. Usually we will have about a week of massive meltdowns and then suddenly he will announce "MUM! I can.....now" and things will smooth out for a week or so. (aspergers, dyslexia and currently being assessed as dyspraxic)
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