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Swearing and rude talk

(12 Posts)
alienplanet Wed 14-Nov-12 12:13:35

My 14 year old son has autism and ADHD. He has made a lot of progress recently with violent behaviour and non compliance but the thing we can not improve is his language and rude talk. He does it all the time we have tried ignoring taking things off him but he still does it. At school the teaching assistant says he wont stop and even the other children tell him to stop but he wont .
It is so bad at school he has most lessons on a one to one basis. Has anybody else been through this or can you offer any help. It seems a shame this is holding him back when he has dealt so well with other issues.

DameMargotFountain Wed 14-Nov-12 12:14:34

if your DS is 14, you're probably well up on this really, but how about a social story?

alienplanet Wed 14-Nov-12 12:48:19

Yes we tried social stories and role play when he was younger but it didnt help. The swearing is not a new thing he has done it it for years but it has got worse because he knows more bad language.

DameMargotFountain Wed 14-Nov-12 12:58:54

it's so tricky, isn't it?

most 14yr olds are pretty foul-mouthed in some areas of their lives - but when you're faced with DCs like ours, who can't judge when/where it's appropriate, i don't know what else to suggest

is he in MS school?

alienplanet Wed 14-Nov-12 15:06:15

He is in special school so they can take him out and give him one to one when it gets too much for the rest of the class.The problem is he then isnt learning how to get on with his peers.

Kleinzeit Wed 14-Nov-12 17:00:52

A reward scheme? Sticker plus praise per 10 minutes of non-sweariness in class, so many stickers add up to a treat? Similar at home - maybe a sticker is 10p extra pocket money? The reward doesn’t have to operate 24/7 at home, you could set an hour a day of non-sweary time when you are with him and he gets the reward for each 10 minutes of not swearing and not talking about rude stuff? So he can practice at home. And if ever he’s stressed and doesn’t swear then he gets an extra bonus reward and praise?

You’ll have to be clear about what counts as swear words and tell him that you may add other words but warn him when a new word comes up, don’t just take the reward away the first time he says a new one. And maybe give him some harmless words to replace the bad ones, maybe reward him for using them instead?

OwlLady Wed 14-Nov-12 17:09:28

It's difficult. I try to ignore as much as possible and to distract in order for it not to happen, but you just cannot do it completely. I think unfortunately puberty is a very difficult thing for complex children to go through. Anything can set my daughter off and unfrotunately once it starts it's like a compulsion.

Sorry that's not of much help, I just wanted to offer a bit of sympathy

alienplanet Wed 14-Nov-12 18:15:33

A reward system may work if I link it to time spent on x box or computer. It is harder for school because he likes to be taken out of class to work on a one to one so he makes it impossible for them to keep him in the classroom by shouting out rude things. This is linked to how anxious he feels being around people.

OwlLady Wed 14-Nov-12 18:17:31

I am sure my daughter kicks off in class so that she gets taken to the sensory room too. I have tried to talk to school about it but they have the choice between taking her out versus what she did the other day,smashing up the classroom door <sigh>

Kleinzeit Wed 14-Nov-12 22:44:19

Ah – so the school are really rewarding him for swearing? Then he needs some other way to let them know he wants to be by himself (and they need to respect it)

vjg13 Thu 15-Nov-12 00:12:19

My daughter's swearing/bad language went through a really bad patch earlier this year. We end up doing a good cop bad cop type of situation with her Dad ignoring it and me telling her off.

What I'm trying to say is that it improved on its own and was more of a phase.

coff33pot Thu 15-Nov-12 01:03:38

DS is allowed to say "oh crab cakes" or "oh eck" at school and at home he likes "oh jellytots" these replaced some rather strong words that were once shouted up at his window by children and never to be forgotten!

He is doing great now after constant reward for using alternatives.

Perhaps the school and you can allow him to choose a invented "swear word" of his own to signal that he really needs time to himself?

School could play along with it and for the time tell him he is allowed to leave anytime he wants with his 1 to 1 but he must either ask or have a password/code word? then reward him by taking him out and also giving him a sticker towards 5 mins computer time at home later?

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