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Ds told me that he tried to strangle the cat

(10 Posts)
claw4 Thu 08-Nov-12 13:31:58

Our cat got run over and killed about a week ago, he was only one year old.

Two nights ago in bed, ds was crying and wishing he was dead and saying when he dies he is going to hell. He then told me that 'ages ago' he tried to strangle the cat. The day previous to this, he was asking if i had a copy of the Bible.

A few days before our cat died, he had to have a emergency mental health assessment with thoughts of killing himself and has been self harming for years, so obviously not all related to the cat.

My question is how concerned would you be? I just feel like everything is spiralling out of control. Ds is usually such a gentle boy with animals.

moleskin Thu 08-Nov-12 13:43:39

How old is he? Dd1 used to squeeze my friends cats necks much to my hottie when she was around 4 or 5- to see what would happen she said! Which is why we never had a cat! I think was more curiosty with her, but the one time the kitten fell lifeless to the floor and didn't move for a few seconds was enough for her and she didn't do it again. Could it be a simple curiosty thing like this? Or is there more to it do you think?
Is it impulsive/curiosty or does he mean the cat harm? Think once you know the answer to that then you will know where to go from there

claw4 Thu 08-Nov-12 15:04:48

Ds is 8 and he says he wanted to 'hurt the cat' because it was 'annoying'

He seemed remorseful, but im not sure just how remorseful. Is it remorse, if you are upset because you think you will 'go to hell'?

Ineedalife Thu 08-Nov-12 15:23:00

TBH claw, if it were me I would just say "Thankyou for telling me about what you did to the cat and I am glad you realise it was not a nice thing to do."

I would not punish him because I think he is in a really bad place atm but that is totally my opinion and I wouldnt dream of telling you how to raise your child.

Sorry you are having to go through all this ATMsad

claw4 Thu 08-Nov-12 15:48:09

Ineedalife, i havent told him off, i told him pretty much what you said "im glad that you realise it wasnt a nice thing to do and now you do, you wont do it again, you were younger then, now youre older" kinda thing.

Im just shocked that he did it and whether this is going to lead to him wanting to hurt other things and people. He is usually so gentle and affectionate. He has also spoken about 'thinking' about hurting babies.

One of things that i cant get out of my head is on the CAMHS risk assessment ie risk to himself - low, risk to others - low and whether that is going to change and whether he is going to detoriate further.

I worry about losing the lovely, passive, affectionate little boy, i had to mental health issues.

Ineedalife Thu 08-Nov-12 15:52:37

Sorry claw I hope you didnt think I was telling you not to tell him off, I didnt mean that at all, it was just my feeling and I didnt put it across well.

I dont know if it would be a good idea but maybe you should tell someone at CAMHS when he is not around and tell them what you said about worrying about him becoming a risk.

I really feel for you, he is so young, you must be so worried about himsad

Honk honk

moleskin Thu 08-Nov-12 16:02:16

Aww bless him he's still so young. At least he feels he can tell you about these thoughts which has got to be a positive sign. I would ring camhs and have a chat with them about it so he's not around when you tell them. If he was older /late teenager then perhaps maybe more concerning (not that it isn't for you anyway) but as he's so young there's plenty of time for him to change as he grows.

whatthewhatthebleep Thu 08-Nov-12 16:11:06

I know you must be so worried and imagining allsorts about what this may mean, etc....perhaps your DS is saying he tried to strangle the cat but in fact he just had his hands around it's neck and maybe at the time he didn't really realise he was doing it but is now calling it strangling....sometimes kids describe something and it may not be exactly what happened...he may be perceiving it this way?

My DS loved our dogs but occasionally he could be just too rough or hands on and maybe hurting them...he was always so upset when he realised that he had done wrong. I think a lot of this sort of thing is impulse control and maybe the messages going around in the brain being able to find clear cause and effect before the doing iykwim.
Please try not to worry too much...your DS has worked this out and then told you about it....I think this is a clear understanding he has now and he's worked things out with this incident...that's really good

claw4 Thu 08-Nov-12 16:20:58

No worries Ineedalife, i didnt think that at all, i know whatever anyone says on here is said from experience and the heart and i would never take offence,i really appreciate any advice, keeps me sane smile

Ds has an appointment next week, he will go in one direction and me in the other to speak to someone about my concerns, so i will have plenty of time to discuss.

So much has happened lately, i dont want to be over dramatic, i also dont want to be too matter of fact. I wanted others opinions or reactions on how concerned they would be, i suppose, which is hard to know, unless you are in the situation, i guess. I just dont know what to think anymore.

mariammma Fri 09-Nov-12 16:10:20

Children feeling grief dont express it like adults but still often have guilty emotions. Their shaky grasp of cause and effect can make this worse. In itself that's fairly normal, though asd type issues will impact on these processes as well. You'll be taking extra care of him and the grief given he was so fragile already, but the link above is quite good.

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