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attachment difficulties??????!!!

(39 Posts)
moleskin Wed 07-Nov-12 14:37:56

Aarrghh sorry my last thread was deleted will start again. Sorry to star who replied! Dd2 is 3.3 been under pead for a while. We requested camhs referral at last app as pead useless and didn't deliver said assessments as promised. Anyway got peads referral letter to camhs copied to us and it says

"X exhibits a number of attachment difficulties and high levels of anxiety which need to be understood in the context of both her behaviour and her parents responses to them, and that her pro social behaviour awareness of others and capacity for imagination don't suggest a simple (?) Autistic spectrum disorder"

So are they implying attachment disorder??? She isn't adopted nor neglected was breastfed and co sleeps. Yes she has difficult and controlling behaviour but not on AD scale I don't think.

Am cocerned as this is referral letter to camhs so now think they think I'm a bad mum!! Help plzzz

zzzzz Wed 07-Nov-12 14:51:48

Sounds like socially she presents "too good for ASD", but her behaviour suggests ASD.

My take on that is your excellent parenting (including bf and co sleeping) have really helped overcome some of her issues.

If you're not a bad Mum, you're not, relax they will all be checking for that anyway, they have too.

Ineedalife Wed 07-Nov-12 15:17:20

The thing with girls with ASD is that they are very different to boys and many , many proffs are still incapable of spotting it.

We saw 2 paeds before we went to camhs who didnt agree with me about Dd3 but the MH nurse at camhs spotted her ASD almost imediately.

Dd3 suffers from awful separation anxiety although she has got quite alot better this year.

I agree that you might be providing a wonderfully supportive scaffold for your Dd and this masks her symptoms even more.

My Dd was described as a social butterfly by someone who didnt know her well in the summer[we were away camping with a large group] and I thoughts that summed her up I may have taken it wrong but I saw Dd3 flitting from one group of adults to another chatting. She appears very social but there is no depth to it.

Asd in girls can be very subtle and needs an expert pair of eyes to pick it out.

Good luck with your appointment and ignore the stupid pead letter[letter]

moleskin Wed 07-Nov-12 15:39:38

Thank you both that's really helpful. She def has some of the behaviours like repeatedly lining things up, stacking things, controlling situations, repeating extracts from fave DVDs. But other things she's very good with. I've just spoke to her headteacher of preschool who have been asked for a report from pead and she's calmed me down a bit.

Feel like I'm doing all I can to help her only to be told I'm rubbish!

zzzzz Wed 07-Nov-12 15:44:38

mole this is easier said than done, but you really really mustn't let others judge your parenting. You know who you all are and how much you do. Be kind to yourself, and proud of your family.

HotheadPaisan Wed 07-Nov-12 15:59:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moleskin Wed 07-Nov-12 16:33:53

Zzzz thanks for your kind words.

Hothead many thanks for the links will have a good read tonight

moleskin Wed 07-Nov-12 16:40:26

Sorry one more q what do you think he means by "doesn't suggest a simple autistic spectrum disorder" ??

Does that mean doesn't suggest any asd ?? What does simple asd mean?? She's very high functioning and prob got quite a high IQ if she were tested I imagine

HotheadPaisan Wed 07-Nov-12 16:48:28

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moleskin Wed 07-Nov-12 17:01:11

Thanks hothead will do much appreciated

NoHaudinMaWheest Wed 07-Nov-12 20:15:56

Moleskin I think some of the stuff about attachment and parental responses to behaviour is just the way proffs speak to each other. It doesn't necessarily mean that they think you are a bad parent. The psychologist at CAMHS (and you know which CAMHS) although pretty unhelpful in many ways did say that parents adjusted their techniques to fit with the child's needs and that was how the parenting ended up looking like it did.

FWIW my Ds (16 AS) coslept and breastfed for ages. Still has some seperation anxiety, though it is much better now and within a structured environment and when not stressed has quite good social skills.

moleskin Wed 07-Nov-12 20:23:39

thank you nohaudin! much appreciated. ope your planning for your night away is going ok x

ilikemysleep Wed 07-Nov-12 22:24:56

I disagree - I think she is carefully flagged in prof speak that she thinks DD has attachment disorder not autism. Of course I can't comment on that!! However it will inevitably shape the CAMHs team's opinions, at least initially. If you disagree or want clarity I would be inclined to write asking for clarification on the responses she has seen that has led her to query DD's attachment to you, and / or when you get to see CAMHS query that part of the letter and point out that DD has always required, and recieved, a high level of nurture from you.

ilikemysleep Wed 07-Nov-12 22:25:16

...has carefully flagged...

Handywoman Wed 07-Nov-12 22:34:34

Moley, my dd is being assessed for ASD. It often needs an expert eye to see it in girls. One particularly inept Locum Paediatric Registrar dismissed the possibility of ASD in my dd because she made good eye contact and could maintain reciprocal conversation. This is a very old fashioned and very male view of ASD. My dd's presentation is typically subtle. Yet we recently went to see an OT and she could spot the communication issues very quickly indeed (within minutes of speaking to her). My dd also had what you might say as 'attachment issues' right up til last year aged 6. She too was breastfed and co slept for years. Which was seen by many (including dh, friends and also dd's nursery teachers) as the Cause Of Her Issues. I have often taken these sorts of judgements to heart. It really hurts and I have spent a lot of energy feeling bad about it over the years. But the more I read the more I realize that my gut feeling about my dd is right. Yours is bound to be, too. From what I can tell these sort of 'attachment problems' can be present in ASD kids. I am gonna check out those links above. Meantime have a <honk> from me and keep searching for a more enlightened Prof. xxxxx

Handywoman Wed 07-Nov-12 22:57:48

O.M.G I have just looked at the PDA bit on nas.org...... a MAJOR penny has just dropped. DD2 used to have the most astonishing meltdowns when she was really little. Things like walking away beyond a certain distance approx 7 feet when she was two or three years old. She would have a total meltdown and say things like 'my legs don't work'. It is written on my piece of A4 paper I wrote for the SaLT 3 years ago when she had a severe language delay (now completely recovered apart from non-literal language). It was one of those things that neither the SaLT or I could make sense of. Now it makes sense......

HotheadPaisan Wed 07-Nov-12 23:06:50

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ilikemysleep Wed 07-Nov-12 23:52:51

Handy - I think the 'my legs don't work' thing is not exclusive to pda-type kids. My son is an aspie and it's certainly something he has said a lot when younger when trying to get out of doing something. I think what he meant was that his legs really didn't work because he was in such a state....DS certainly isn't pda ish otherwise (thankfully!)

moleskin Thu 08-Nov-12 05:57:21

Thanks all. The really odd thing is though this 'attachment difficulties' thing has come from nowhere. Never before has it been mentioned and in all previous letters he's put what a lovely warm loving family we are etc. I got in touch with bloke who did her private assessment and ge said he saw no attachment issues.

moleskin Thu 08-Nov-12 06:00:14

Thank you handy interesting to hear there's more rubbish doctors out there ;)

moleskin Thu 08-Nov-12 07:05:13

Ilikemy yes this was my fear that its what he was getting at

Handywoman Thu 08-Nov-12 07:39:52

Ilikemy thanks for that, yes, she was always in a complete state when she said it - out of control/panic stations type behaviour. Normally in response to me going further away than I should. Is PDA going out the window in DSM 5 does anyone know?

madprest Thu 08-Nov-12 10:12:18

Hello Mole,
I really had to to comment because I am going through the same things with my DD. Her anxieties are getting so bad that the doctor as referred her to see someone. She is 10 and is constantly by my side. She sleeps with me, she panics if I am out too long to the point she is nearly sick. I have found your thread very interesting as what you have explained is what I have experienced and the replies have been interesting. She always has melt downs and when she was little I thought it was because I had a baby when she was 18 mths. I feel guilty still, that I didn't notice that this was not right. I just thought she was jealous and craving attention. Anyway I am in the process of appealing refusal to access along with all other problems. MN and all the advice that have been given to me in the past as been immensely helpful and I will always be truly grateful. Always go with your gut feeling...I wish I would have done but I am listening to it now and always will.

Best Wishes x

moleskin Thu 08-Nov-12 11:10:50

Hi mad, it is very difficult I think when you have a child who isn't a clear cut case and its not helped by proffs who are quick to blame parents. Good luck with your dd, I too have found MN advice invaluable

HotheadPaisan Thu 08-Nov-12 12:13:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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