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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

ok so your child doesn't do kids or noise and apparently no one can help with that

(21 Posts)
devientenigma Wed 07-Nov-12 10:26:35

so what do I do and where do I turn for help?


mrslaughan Wed 07-Nov-12 11:47:29

How old?

Have a look at sensory integration - DS has been very sound sensitive and is doing sensory integration therapy and this is improving hugely. Loved fireworks this year (like really got into it, got a reall buzz from it, not just tolerated) last year he couldn't bear it and had hands over ears the whole time.

porridgelover Wed 07-Nov-12 12:01:25

This is a checklist for listening sensitivity.
Paul Madaule (who is referenced on the link) was trained by Alfred Tomatis who is the "father" of using music and listening to treat auditory hypsersensitivity.
Sheila Frick is an American OT who trained with Paul Madaule and she devised Therapeutic Listening which is a form of Sensory Integration that many OT's use.

I would go to a Sensory Integration trained OT as mrslaughan says.
You can find a list of private OT's here if there is no NHS one qualified nearby.

AgnesDiPesto Wed 07-Nov-12 12:02:20

ABA can help some children, it works with mine - rewarded for being more tolerant slowly over time - a desensitisation programme. Only really skilled professionals can help you dev which means the private sector.

You need something like this - I know a family locally who need similar and am trying to persuade them to consider ABA and fight the LA for it - their child is one step away from residential so its not even a cost issue as they would def get residential if they went to tribunal, but they really don't want to get to this point so are hanging on with useless prof's who just don't have the skills. An ABA team would go into their house for a week and sort it, my friend after 2 years of borderline crisis situations and being regularly physically attacked forced a team meeting only to be sent home with 6 weeks of diary sheets to look for triggers - as though she had never thought of that! Not one prof offered to come home and observe just sent her home to be beaten up again.

zzzzz Wed 07-Nov-12 12:09:39

What can he do/cope with? Does he enjoy anything?

devientenigma Wed 07-Nov-12 17:46:09

He's 11 nearly 12. He has SIT in the past but he is hard to engage with so doesn't get much done if it all.

This statement is from the clinical psychologist, they agree he doesn't accept any child or noise but they can't help and don't know where to go for help hmm

Will have a look at the ABA thanks.

All he copes with is staying in the house or going in the car, he enjoys watching TV/DVD's and flicking wheels on toy cars.

thanks for the replies.

zzzzz Wed 07-Nov-12 19:08:23

So DVDs, tv, and small wheels are your hook. House and car are your environment.

Think about what will help you. Would you like him to dress himself? Say/sign thank you? Wash his hands? Learn his alphabet?

Choose something small and work on that.

For example I am working on ds eating baked beans at the moment, using the mn crisp method. Early days but yesterday ds ate a crisp that had touched bean juice!

You need to start things moving in the right direction.

mymatemax Wed 07-Nov-12 19:13:06

i know someone who has seen huge success using the listening programme with their dd who ahs ds & autism.
Every time they get in the car on go the headphones with the listening programme. Has helped her get back in to school, even tolerate the school hall.

porridgelover Thu 08-Nov-12 07:24:01

I'm back to say dont exclude therapeutic listening. Definitely can help kids with noise issues.
My DS has HFA/Aspergers. He was completely intolerant to noise. Terrified doesn't even describe his reaction to a train. Distracted to even the slightest sounds that everyone ignores. Did TL and the LiFT programme, which brought him from that to now where he can concentrate on conversations. Still has a lot of 'listening issues' but they're manageable

devientenigma Thu 08-Nov-12 15:11:42

I do think this is some of the case, forgetting to do as much sit if at all. We have done the listening programme when he was in school with not much change, personally I feel he refused to do it. We do have a frequency sweep cd which maybe we should start doing again, since changing the car the disc got took out and put away!!

So it's the accepting and tolerating children bit. As well as being more sociable and accepting and tolerating social settings. He doesn't go near any children/places and doesn't want to.

Thanks for the reminders x

zzzzz Thu 08-Nov-12 15:27:56

Can he cope with kids on video? If not start there.

Can he cope with kids outside the car? Is this the place to start?

Could he cope with children if he had you very close? .....and so on.

It's important to understand what would make being with other children attractive to him. For instance he might like to have a car collection and be allowed to buy a car if he can tolerate the other kids in the toy shop. If there isn't anything you can find that appeals when other children are there, then frankly he's quite right. Why would he want to be around them?

devientenigma Thu 08-Nov-12 15:51:00

Yes I think he can cope with them on dvd.

Can't cope with getting out of the car full stop regardless of kids.

If I was close, he would walk away.

If he was having a really good day (quite rare) he could go to a shop and look at the cars, not needing to buy, regardless of who is there. He hits out or backs away when kids approach depending on if he is in a wheelchair or not etc.

You can then also give him an incentive but if he doesn't want to do whats being asked, he's not bothered by the incentive, so can take it or leave it iyswim.

He is very much in control and usual incentives, redirection etc don't work. Just trying to work out ways to get him back in school without the use of force.

coff33pot Thu 08-Nov-12 16:18:48

Dig out that cd and play it every time he gets in the car. He managed the meal out and cinema so he has done well smile try once a week doing something for say just 20 mins? Take a flask coffee/tea/choc and a timer.

Say go to a park and just sit on the outside of the aubit with cars or something. Pour drink and tell him thanks for letting me stop for a drink, start timer and let him know as soon as the timer is empty you will have relaxed and drunk your drink and we will go home.

just try 10 mins if I think that woul be a better start smile gradually in tease the time not the distance from the park or whatever you want him to go into. It could take months but I am just thinking he may be patient enough to wait of he knows there is an end to it coming.

social wise have a child round? Even if that child is just in another room and just says hi ds and bye ds. Keep at it and keep it short again using an excuse like feed has to go in so many mi a and use a visual timer near ds. just wondering g again it's slow but he may be accepting of seeing the same face in the house just like seei f his sister or DH?

it's just an idea though but seems to me you are going to have to do it yourself if the proffs haven't got a clue angry

coff33pot Thu 08-Nov-12 16:21:09

Bloody phone I hope you can decipher what the hell I am on about lol!

devientenigma Thu 08-Nov-12 16:26:36

lol the cinema was a drive in watched from the car, he threatened (as always) to wet himself and this time poo himself and carried out the threat, or is it his anxiety which got the better of him.

The meal shock !!

The home tutor and I tried to get him out on Monday and he refused to dress or leave!!

What they are saying is he doesn't accept kids, they don't know why and don't know how to help but with the right transition he can go back to school, setting him up to fail if you ask me and like you say down to me to sort. Will try drinks etc and a face grin

How's everything your end coff??

TheLightPassenger Thu 08-Nov-12 17:36:24

do you think it's that he associates being with other children with being at school/respite etc, even when it's a completely different setting?

devientenigma Thu 08-Nov-12 17:56:17

no Light, it was one of the quickest things we learnt about him, not doing kids, he's just never been interested and I would go as far as saying he doesn't like kids.

zzzzz Thu 08-Nov-12 22:22:14

What doesn't he like about them?

Is it noise, movement, the kind of things you do with kids?

How is he with adults?

Does it make a difference what you're doing or where you are?

I think I'd start getting him used to going places with adults first. Then you can see if he can tolerate it with children.

mariammma Fri 09-Nov-12 03:08:49

Yep, FFS, why waste time on getting used to kids when both he and his peer group will grow into adults before he's mastered it!

if learning social stuff and then generalising it is always going to be a huge issue, surely LEA start with skills he'll need in adult life. Like getting out of a car. Either that or offer a medical residential school ie flooding till the anxiety just goes down.

devientenigma Fri 09-Nov-12 10:40:50

I don't know zzzzz, I think it's just everything about them, how unpredicatable they are, noise wise, movement wise etc. Then he doesn't 'play' in the way others do and has no interest in toys as such, or games.

Adults, he gets on with few and the few he does have he gets on well with.

It makes no difference.

Thats what the home tutor was going to do, she was in over the summer hols also. She lives on a farm. Plan was to get him used to hers and going round the farm, then introducing her grandkids one by one.

DS never left her house to go round the farm, so the kids never got introduced as he was too nervous at hers.

Thanks Maria, that flooding looks like something I could use when they offer to force him again!!

zzzzz Fri 09-Nov-12 14:01:07

So really there is nothing appealing about children for him. Personally I don't have a problem with that, I think if noise and random unpredictable movements bother you and you have no interest in games, why would a child be anything other than uncomfortable to be around?

With this in mind I wouldn't even be contemplating aiming to get him to play with other kids, however tolerating them being around is probably going to make life much less restricted for you. I guess you want to be thinking about,

1) how to desensitise him to the noise and movement of children
2) coping mechanisms to help manage the stress and to defuse the resulting anger

I would try something like, audio of kids making noise turned very low while doing something he loves (icecream? New car?) change tape regularly so he isn't used to sequence and slowly crank up the volume.

Trusted adults, safe situation, get the adults to add some childlike random movements, so he learns to see this as less threatening.

It's still early days with the car, but soon you will be able to park near a playground and have a snack/watch a video.

Hats help when frightened as do blankets/big coats.

Listening through windows and doors is going to be useful.

Break it down into tiny steps and focus on each in turn. Mark down where you are and what you are working towards, you will be going so slowly that this will be the only way you can see progress sometimes.

Realistically, if you are getting no help and what you have makes you all miserable, it's worth a shot.

I think getting him in the car is HUGE.

Honk honk!

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