At the rate I'm going, I'm going to have a mental breakdown before my birthday this weekend. I feel like I'm falling apart.
DS2 ran out the main school gate yesterday (during the one hour that it was broken and awaiting repair - school is generally very good security-wise). The PE teacher leapt over a playground fence to run after him (injuring himself in the process, so PE teacher now on crutches, so I feel dreadful about that! ).
I spoke to DS2 at different opportunities since yesterday, but he still just doesn't "get" that it's not safe to leave. He acts like he understands, says he does, and then a few minutes later randomly makes a comment that makes it all too clear that he really DOESN'T understand. We're working with the school on this (and they're right on top of it) but it still worries me endlessly - the impulse (and his lack of control of it) as well as the fact that he just doesn't understand not only that he can't do it, but WHY he can't. No reasoning with him. (He's 6yo btw)
DS3's preschool is referring him as they want him to be assessed for coordination/balance/gross motor skills issues. He's 3yo. The thought of another set of appointments makes me ill.
I have a head scan on Friday (they'll probably find nothing but cobwebs in my brain at this point) because I've been having severe headaches that start and end suddenly for no apparent reason (although I'm sure stress is not helping the situation). I don't have time to be ill (although I've been fighting off a wretched cough from 2 bouts of a nasty cold/flu for weeks now). And DH is just not up to dealing with the boys full time - he's still dealing with depression and just doesn't cope with them as well, and when he gets more stressed, I can't rely on him to be consistent safety-wise (door locks, etc) as he gets forgetful, which only increases MY stress.
DH's depression issues is another stress for me, although he has improved, it can still be rough going sometimes.
I worry about the boys, money, DH, things not getting done around the house... for heaven's sake, yesterday DH accidentally left the side gate open into the back garden and the dog escaped and ran off. Thankfully, someone found him and rang us, so we got him back pretty quickly. But I was just sick to my stomach thinking "what if that had been DS2 that ran off through that open gate?" Just another thing I need to check now, in my huge list of "things to check" a couple times a day (DH takes his bicycle through that gate to go to work in the morning, and again when he comes home). Plus the HV will be coming to see DS3 for the referral, and that means I'm paranoid about the state of the house as well. And SIL is stirring up trouble constantly for us in DH's extended family. And numerous other little stressers (I have a list of urgent "to do" things that need to be done this week that I can barely even contemplate organising).
We've just started DS2 on some time release melatonin, as the liquid was only getting him to sleep, not helping him sleep all night. I'm only getting a couple hours of sleep a night (I also tend to have insomnia when stressed.. helpful,eh?), although fingers crossed this new med will help with that.
Sorry.. just having a huge moan, as MIL asked me what I'd like for my birthday and all I could think of was "sanity."
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Mental breakdown for my birthday?
18 replies
Triggles · 07/11/2012 09:22
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zzzzz ·
07/11/2012 09:34
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zzzzz ·
07/11/2012 09:47
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