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Mental breakdown for my birthday?

(19 Posts)
Triggles Wed 07-Nov-12 09:22:31

At the rate I'm going, I'm going to have a mental breakdown before my birthday this weekend. I feel like I'm falling apart.

DS2 ran out the main school gate yesterday (during the one hour that it was broken and awaiting repair - school is generally very good security-wise). The PE teacher leapt over a playground fence to run after him (injuring himself in the process, so PE teacher now on crutches, so I feel dreadful about that! sad).

I spoke to DS2 at different opportunities since yesterday, but he still just doesn't "get" that it's not safe to leave. He acts like he understands, says he does, and then a few minutes later randomly makes a comment that makes it all too clear that he really DOESN'T understand. We're working with the school on this (and they're right on top of it) but it still worries me endlessly - the impulse (and his lack of control of it) as well as the fact that he just doesn't understand not only that he can't do it, but WHY he can't. No reasoning with him. (He's 6yo btw)

DS3's preschool is referring him as they want him to be assessed for coordination/balance/gross motor skills issues. He's 3yo. The thought of another set of appointments makes me ill.

I have a head scan on Friday (they'll probably find nothing but cobwebs in my brain at this point) because I've been having severe headaches that start and end suddenly for no apparent reason (although I'm sure stress is not helping the situation). I don't have time to be ill (although I've been fighting off a wretched cough from 2 bouts of a nasty cold/flu for weeks now). And DH is just not up to dealing with the boys full time - he's still dealing with depression and just doesn't cope with them as well, and when he gets more stressed, I can't rely on him to be consistent safety-wise (door locks, etc) as he gets forgetful, which only increases MY stress.

DH's depression issues is another stress for me, although he has improved, it can still be rough going sometimes.

I worry about the boys, money, DH, things not getting done around the house... for heaven's sake, yesterday DH accidentally left the side gate open into the back garden and the dog escaped and ran off. Thankfully, someone found him and rang us, so we got him back pretty quickly. But I was just sick to my stomach thinking "what if that had been DS2 that ran off through that open gate?" Just another thing I need to check now, in my huge list of "things to check" a couple times a day (DH takes his bicycle through that gate to go to work in the morning, and again when he comes home). Plus the HV will be coming to see DS3 for the referral, and that means I'm paranoid about the state of the house as well. And SIL is stirring up trouble constantly for us in DH's extended family. And numerous other little stressers (I have a list of urgent "to do" things that need to be done this week that I can barely even contemplate organising).

We've just started DS2 on some time release melatonin, as the liquid was only getting him to sleep, not helping him sleep all night. I'm only getting a couple hours of sleep a night (I also tend to have insomnia when stressed.. helpful,eh?), although fingers crossed this new med will help with that.

Sorry.. just having a huge moan, as MIL asked me what I'd like for my birthday and all I could think of was "sanity." hmm

zzzzz Wed 07-Nov-12 09:34:18

Eat regularly, and add sugary snacks.

Make sure you get the sun on your face for 10 mins a day.

The gate thing is infuriating. I padlock everything and hold the keys. Not sure if it helps but Dh STILL leaves his razor lying on the back of the sink and I had 5 children in 6 years, some of whomever are not going to be safe with a razor for a couple of decades, if ever.

I have parents evening tonight. Joy.

Honk honk

Triggles Wed 07-Nov-12 09:39:33

sugary snacks? eeek... I'm worried about my weight too! blush

But thank you. Yes, I do need to eat more regularly.

Oh, lord the safety stuff makes me crazy. It goes like this:

me: "DH PLEASE unplug the toaster and the tea kettle when you're done with them."

DH: "But we have a lock on the kitchen barn door - so DS2 can't get to it."

me: "Yes, but you never remember to LOCK the kitchen door!" ARRRGGGHHHH!!! Two tiered safety system IMO - unplug the dangerous stuff and lock the door. Even if he gets past one, the other is in place. But DH will forget it ALL! (Do we have a pulling hair out smiley?)

Best of luck for parents evening tonight zzzzz

zzzzz Wed 07-Nov-12 09:47:46

There is a gizmo you can get (Argos I think) that sticks on a gate or door and beeps when it is open. Battery run. Might focus dh's mind.

squidworth Wed 07-Nov-12 09:59:50

On the escaping you can with school help/lea/sw get an emergency home OT referral. I have sensors, window restricters and alarms on external doors and combination key pads on internal doors. At school he wears high vis jacket (at special school more difficult at ms). As with all services they used the words severe children only get our help, but ask other agencies say this is a severe problem. OT referrals seem to carry more weight when referred by someone other than the parent! In the US they dx this part of autism it is a big danger that is just brushed over in the UK.

ouryve Wed 07-Nov-12 12:36:20

brew, [toast] and some TLC for you, triggles.

Inaflap Wed 07-Nov-12 17:42:47

Is it woth doing some laminated signs to stick above the toaster ot on yhe door saying 'turn this off' and lock me!' How does your husband manage at work?

Honking for you. At least the school sound supportive.

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Wed 07-Nov-12 18:07:25

Bloody hell, Triggles. I'm glad DS2 was caught!

The alarmed door locks sound like a good idea. The trouble with doubling up safety measures is that neither are taken as seriously as you always think that the other thing will have been done. It's like when you have 2 parents keeping an eye on a toddler/escape artist etc. That's when accidents happen cos you both think the other one will be watching. If it's only one safety measure, then it's more likely to be done. But, just in case, get the alarm!!

Triggles Wed 07-Nov-12 19:04:31

Well, no I NEVER assume DH has taken care of the safety measures. He forgets them all the time. It's bloody irritating that I can't rely on him at all for that. But we're having loads of problems right now anyway. I'm still thinking about what exactly to do regarding that... have to think about how it will effect everything.

as another poster put so nicely on a previous thread "fuck the fuckity fuck fuck"

That pretty much sums things up right now.

Handywoman Thu 08-Nov-12 17:00:01

Honking for you, Triggley one. Honking away.

Honk Honk


Triggles Thu 08-Nov-12 18:41:31

Thanks. Really struggling with this right now. I'm reaching the end of my tether with DH and his behaviour, but dread the thought of dealing with separation and custody (and safety of the children, as it is so obvious he could not cope with them on his own for visits). Not sure what to do at this point.

signandsmile Thu 08-Nov-12 21:58:21

no useful responses sad just wanted to send you a honk

mariammma Thu 08-Nov-12 23:58:49

Sounds ridiculous but is it worth making toast and tea much less safe and less convenient. If dh has to boil a stove top kettle and grill or oven-cook his toast, would it solve the plug issue?

Alternatively this would reduce the toaster/kettle risk to 30 min only.

mariammma Thu 08-Nov-12 23:59:20

Oops, meant this

mariammma Fri 09-Nov-12 00:01:36

Oh yeah, forgot gate closers

mariammma Fri 09-Nov-12 00:07:34

And miscellaneous

mariammma Fri 09-Nov-12 00:20:31

This might be a bit random, but has your dh been seen in a memory clinic? I know you said he was depressed, that obviously makes people forgetful but one doesn't exclude the other... And being genetically disposed to have ASD dc carries higher risks for lots of things which affect memory eg ADHD, asd itself, fragile x

EllenJaneisstillnotmyname Fri 09-Nov-12 11:14:19

Sorry it's not getting any better with your DH, Triggles. sad No advice, just some hand holding. X

Triggles Fri 09-Nov-12 13:05:49


OH!! This is AMAZING!! We'll be ordering two this weekend!!!

No, he hasn't been seen in a memory clinic. Honestly never heard of that. I will look into it, thanks!

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