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Feel like giving in

(10 Posts)
sweetteamum Tue 06-Nov-12 22:43:21

I'm exhausted. This is such a woe is me post but just humour me if you want to.

We are appealing lea's decision not to statutory assess dd, who is 11 and only spent just over a week in school, for the first term in high school.

She's extremely anxious but desperately wants to go to school. We want her to be at school as this situation is Jo good for anyone.

Anyway, long story short. Lea phoned and said there will be an early intervention referral made, to social services!!!!! Where someone may come to the house and 'encourage' dd to go to school.

They want to try everything else first before doing SA and only doing that as a last resort.

I told them I'd practically begged the school for help in the first 2 days that she was there and continued to mither for weeks. As they never put anything in place this led to her anxieties growing sad

They don't want to talk about the past and want to concentrate on what can be done now. I just said I hoped it wasn't too long after the horse had bolted.

At the end of the call I said I was still appealing and got the reply "oh, ok then" as if that call was going to change my mind.

Dh thinks I should get in touch and turn it round and say that dd needs the SA to enable her to be put in the correct school. The school and lea are very concerned that she's missed so much school and are only thinking of her education, rather than her health.

I don't know what I expect but just needed to vent a little.

I'm exhausted. Not sleeping well and always feeling sick and dizzy with worry sad

mariammma Tue 06-Nov-12 22:56:47

Keep the appeal and refer yourself to SS now, before the (presumably look-what-bad-parents-uncooperative-with-school) email arrives on the duty social workers PC. If dd gets SA, SS often gets asked to provide an advisory report, this forms part of the 'evidences' so it's quite useful to have them on side.

Might it be worth asking the old school togive them a report? after all, there must have been something they were doing differently.

sweetteamum Tue 06-Nov-12 23:20:09

I had referred myself at the end of September (well asked for help) and again the first week in October and was told it was with the first response team?

I'm extremely happy to cooperate. Just not to put dd in a position that compromises her health for the sake of education.

Thank you for your reply.

sweetteamum Tue 06-Nov-12 23:21:57

Sorry. The old school would only know her briefly. She was only there for year 6, due to bullying at previous junior school - sorry its not easy is it

mariammma Tue 06-Nov-12 23:31:35

Old school still might be an ally, unless they'd written her off as family issues. If there is a pattern of escalating school failures, it's worth getting that into the SW notes, sort of proves your point re SA.

coff33pot Wed 07-Nov-12 00:36:22

Sorry posted on your other one lol you have two threads the same smile

StarlightMcKenzie Wed 07-Nov-12 08:48:02

Don't be afraid of SS. They can do what they do whilst you are appealing. Be careful not to get their back up though.

They have probably been brought in to case doubt over who is the problem with her getting into school. The LA want to investiage because you are saying the problem is the school, but they will probably never agree with that even if you win the appeal, they'll just insist the tribunal were wrong, but hopefully go along with the ruling all the same.

In truth, your dd is not at school because it can't meet her needs at best, and is harming her at worst. It has nothing to do with your inability as a parent to get her into a neglectful and dangerous environment.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Wed 07-Nov-12 09:23:30

sweet I am so sorry to hear that the school and the LEA are taking this stance. I could very easily have been in the same situation as my second application for SA in June was initially refused and then granted two weeks later.

So I am awaiting the final statement at the same as DS is unable to attend school. I think this makes all the difference. I personally attempted to chase up a transition package, had a meeting in July with the SENCO and specialist TA, persuaded DS to visit whilest the other kids weren't there and arranged for him to be met by the TA to enter school on the first morning. Transition failed. I have also made sure that DS was initially signed off by his GP and that this was later backed up by more detailed consultant letter. I have insisted on the LEA providing home tuition through EOTAS. DS has not managed one day in school at all since September and I have no intention of ever making him go. The school he was meant to attend have been great - they accept that they are unable to get him to attend and that it would be counterproductive to force him.

So I am not being persued atm by SS - although I have been in the past - and I am well aware of the mind-fuck of the school/lea spending years denying a problem until they can deny it no longer and then blame your parenting for the obvious difficulties.

Stay strong - it is not about you or your parenting - it is just a bureaucratic tactic when a child is out of school but there is no piece of paper (or a paper trail) that clearly point to SEN.

Is DD signed off by her GP btw?

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Wed 07-Nov-12 09:27:44

btw attack maybe the best form of defence.

DD has been out of school for more than 15 days for medical reasons (if signed off) and so entitled to a minimum of 5 hours home tuition. DS now has a teacher and TA who come to the house (at the same time shock).

I have told the LEA that they should make an emergency placement in independent ss as parents, school and medical professionals agree that the current placement is untenable.

sweetteamum Wed 07-Nov-12 10:35:19

Old school still might be an ally, unless they'd written her off as family issues. If there is a pattern of escalating school failures, it's worth getting that into the SW notes, sort of proves your point re SA.

I think i can easily build a picture of the schools failing her, i've got all emails, calls records etc about how much i've practically begged for help, yet am just 'left to it'

Sorry posted on your other one lol you have two threads the same

I didn't even realise. How can I get MNHQ to 'merge' them?

Don't be afraid of SS. They can do what they do whilst you are appealing. Be careful not to get their back up though.

I'm willing to bend over backwards to help any way I can. I'm just not sure what I need to be asking them for next.

In truth, your dd is not at school because it can't meet her needs at best, and is harming her at worst. It has nothing to do with your inability as a parent to get her into a neglectful and dangerous environment

They are definitely using her being out of school as an advantage to them. They want to put the SA request to one side and concentrate how they can support her in school and convince her to go back. Apparently, SS would come and 'take' her to school on a morning if necessary.

There is going to be a meeting, called for by the 'very concerned school' purely for the professionals to decide what's best. When we will get to hear about it, is beyond me.

Is DD signed off by her GP btw?

The Doc is fully aware and can provide the necessary letter, if needed. However, they don't normally need to provide a sick note for children as the school usually believes parents. I will definitely call and ask for a letter though.

The school and other agencies are well aware of her reasons for being off, so I asked the question (re: home tuition) and they 'don't want to do that just yet' and would 'rather leave it till they've tried other things'

At the end of the call I did say we would be appealing and she did seem a little shocked. But, what do they expect us to do?

I just am a wreck today and can't relax. If this was the other way round school would be dragging our names through the mud to push for support.

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