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Will they manage? Handholding needed

(10 Posts)
NoHaudinMaWheest Tue 06-Nov-12 15:10:46

My cousin (a year older than me and with Ds and Dd the same age more or less than my Ds and Dd) died of cancer on Sunday. Her funeral is on Friday at the other end of the country. I have to fly up on Thursday in order to get there on time. Although we haven't been in touch much recently we were very close as children and teenagers and I would really like to go.

However this means leaving Dh in charge of Ds (AS and OCD) and Dd ovenight on a school day which I have never done before. Dd will be fine but Ds needs a lot of support and it is always me exclusively that provides it.

I am trying to tell myself it will be fine, but I definitely have the wobbles about it.

Please tell me not to worry!

Ineedalife Tue 06-Nov-12 15:19:39

Really feel for you, try not to worry too much about your children. They will be ok for one day and you dont really have a choice do you.

If you use a visual timetable make sure your DP knows what to do with it.

Can you do a social story or comic strip conversation for your son that you could blu tac to a wall somewhere so he knows what is happening.

Sorry about your cousinsmile

BeeMom Tue 06-Nov-12 15:22:04

They will manage. Take my word on it.

You need to do this for you - you need to say goodbye, to mourn and to remember.

Perhaps, dh will gain a new respect for the amount of care ds receives/requires and will give you an opportunity to take time for yourself on a more regular basis.

To ease your stress, sit down and write out everything you can think of that DS's care includes. That way, dh will have something to refer to, and can leave you alone if there is an issue.

Honk - losing someone is never easy, but with this added stress, it cal pull you to pieces.

Jokat Tue 06-Nov-12 15:26:51

How does your DH feel about it? If he thinks he'll manage, I wouldn't worry! Even if things do get a bit manic, you won't be gone for long, so I'm sure they'll be fine.

moleskin Tue 06-Nov-12 15:40:25

Dh will be fine and if it goes wrong he can keep ds off school for one day could he? I dread leaving my girls as Dh just doesn't do it quite right ;) when I was in hospital having dd2 Dh brought dd1 to the hosp every morn at 8am so I could do her hair for school!!!! I think we do underestimate their abilities though they will manage just fine.
I think you def need to go as it sounds like you were close and you will regret not going. It will be good for Dh to take on some of the load that you do for a change. Use it as a break to recharge your batteries as well.

WilsonFrickett Tue 06-Nov-12 15:58:55

Write a list for DH and a visual timetable or check list for DS. And what's the worst that can happen? DS is late for school? So what? In the grand scheme of things, that really doesn't matter. It's not important. What matters is you and saying goodbye to your cousin. I'm sorry for your loss, but go.

PolterGoose Tue 06-Nov-12 17:04:33

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moosemama Tue 06-Nov-12 17:10:49

So sorry to hear about your loss NoHaudin.

I am the same, hate leaving the dcs care to anyone else as I fret that things aren't being done or aren't being done right, but I have had to learn the hard way recently that things do carry on without me, even if not quite as efficiently and ds can cope for short periods without me there to think for him.

As Wilson said, in the big scheme of things it is 1-2 days at most and even if things don't go according to plan at home it will just be a hiccough .

You have time to write comprehensive lists for dh, complete with every phone number/contact you can think of (that he will never need) and spend the next couple of days preparing ds and explaining how things will be different but everything will be back to normal as soon as you get home.

As someone said up thread, it will be an eyeopener for your dh to have to do everything you normally do for the family. I know my dh has been shocked at the way he's been run ragged while I've been ill, because I normally keep things ticking over even when I'm not well, but this time I just had to stop and stay in bed. You never know, he might be able to shoulder some of the burden himself after this.

NoHaudinMaWheest Tue 06-Nov-12 19:23:32

Thanks everyone.

I have left Ds with DH before but always in the holidays so that it doesn't matter if they get into a right bourach (as my Granny would have said).

I will write lists but Dh tends to think he doesn't need them. hmm

Inaflap Tue 06-Nov-12 19:41:04

You go and focus on you and your cousin's family. Your DH will cope and actually I think your children will cope as well. At least they will all appreciate you more.

Sorry for your loss.

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