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Your thoughts on this please MNetters....

(16 Posts)
Ihavenobum Mon 05-Nov-12 12:42:28

Brief background;

Ds 7 possible ASD, I have kept his reports which all clearly state that he struggles to complete tasks in a given time frame, and I can pretty much back this up with what he is like at home. He was working on P scales jan last year did very little work during lesson time.

New teacher this year who seems very nice, We took a look at Ds's school books on parents evening a few weeks back and there had been 3-4 seperate ocassions when he has completed all of his work during lesson time...and then some! His teacher was very keen to point this out several times but still told us that he still has days when he refuses which is basically being put down to the way he is when he enters school that day hmm. Then it dawned on me there were times when my Ds has left school 30 mins after his class mates, and to be entirely truthful if my Ds likes someone (teacher) he can happily stay and chat without noticing time going by so I never gave it a thought but I do remember that the curtains were drawn on all occassions so I couldn't actually see what my Ds was doing in there.

Now I may just be slightly paranoid, due to various reasons which I would rather not go into on here. But I am quite sure they kept him in to do his work so it looks like all is well OR to make it look as though I am not there??. I have made a point of checking his tray for detention letters there are none, asked him if he stays to finish his work when everyone else has gone home and he avoided the question. So I mentioned to him in passing that when the bell goes at hometime thats it the day is done so he should go and put his coat on like everyone else and come out to me unless I have been given a letter about him staying to do his work. Then low and behold Ds's behaviour at school starts to decline again he becomes argumentative again starts to become aggressive towards others, so I believe that he is being threatened with detentions or me again this was a regular strategy last year which upsets him because he thinks that if he is naughty and I find out I wont love him anymore sad, he takes things literal so if he is told I will be cross or sad he really thinks that even if I don't have a clue about what has happened.

Now the question is If I give Ds 5 mins after the bell to filter out with the other children and he doesn't can I go in and fetch him? is there anything the school can do? after all I have had no letters handed to me.

BeeMom Mon 05-Nov-12 14:14:43

It would seem to me that 5-10 minutes after dismissal (and once the children have been released) if your ds is not among them it is reasonable to fetch him, particularly since you have been given no verbal or written reason why he is still in the class.

Now, that is being said without knowing the school policies - and far too often "reason" is overshadowed by "policy" - going in to collect him might still be problematic. If teachers there are anything like teachers here, though, I doubt he is hanging out for a social visit - once the children are gone, it is a race to do whatever needs to be done and be gone. The teacher who happily works outside their "classroom and prep time" is becoming a rare sight indeed.

amistillsexy Mon 05-Nov-12 14:22:21

I would be surprised if a primary school had detentions for 7 Year Olds so they could stay behaind and finish their work.

Are you in the UK, OP? What school year is your DS in? Y2 or Y3? I would expect some time to be taken from playtime at lunchtime for finishing work, but no more than 10 minutes, certainly not 30 minutes at teh end of the day!

What do you do? Stand in the playground on your own? What does the teacher say when she releases the other children and your DS isn't with them? Don't you go and ask where he is?

I almost always have to go into the school to chase after DS2, who is usually wandering around looking for misplaced property, but the teacher is happy for me to do it, and we both understand it is just the way he is. Even on a bad day, I'm away from the school within 10 minutes of the bell.

Ihavenobum Mon 05-Nov-12 14:45:58

thanks BeeMom.

Yes amistillsexy I am from the UK. My Ds is in y3. Yes I stand in the playground waiting until it is deserted, I have only seen his teacher twice when he has left the school late which has happened 3 times and that is when she randomly has a chat with him while helping him to put his coat on (which she doesn't usually) she smiles at me then disappears again. I have had a comment about how long it takes my Ds to get his coat on which is true but he has to actually leave the class room to get his coat on if you see what I mean? And no again I never gave it a thought just thought he was taking his time and chatting as he does.

I did go to the window a couple of weeks back all the other Dc had left and he was just putting something in his tray then got upset when he saw me at the window(yes this time the curtains were open) so I went in to collect him, think I will continue to do this in the future. I was just wondering if it was something I could do?

alison222 Mon 05-Nov-12 15:03:06

In DS's primary you were supposed to ring to make an appointment to talk to the teacher once they were in the juniors.
It never stopped my popping up to talk to the teacher if I thought it was necessary or to rescue DS if he was late in coming out.
Sometimes he was just chatting, but sometimes the teacher was late in letting them out. No-one minded that I was looking for him as they knew all about his needs IFSWIM and so it was "normal" that I might need to pop in. - I have also done this to DD's teacher too now - and had no problems. I think you just need the chutzpah to go and do it

AttilaTheMeerkat Mon 05-Nov-12 15:05:30

I would go and fetch your son if all the other children have left.

On a wider level, is your son known to the SENCO there or is your son on any plan like School Action Plus?. If not, I would be asking this school why that is.

Do you feel that this school are even close to meeting or are even able to meet his additional support needs?.

I would also consider applying for a Statement of special needs from your LEA. is a good website.

Are you also claiming DLA for your son?.

coff33pot Mon 05-Nov-12 15:08:29

School finishes when the bell goes. Once you see all class leave walk right in there and get him x

unless it is verbally agreed with you that your son stays behind they cannot keep him.

that said I know senior school have a 15 min policy they can keep your child for 15 mins without it being unoficial and warranting a note or phone call x

TheLightPassenger Mon 05-Nov-12 15:41:58

this is v peculiar, you are right to be concerned.

zzzzz Mon 05-Nov-12 15:56:32

Sounds unusual. Just walk in and get him. If they don't like it they will produce him more promptly from now on.

I don't understand all the curtain stuff.

starfishmummy Mon 05-Nov-12 15:57:45

I think I would be walking in to get him as well. If the set up is that there is a receptionist/doorkepper then ask them to go and get him.

cornybeefhash Mon 05-Nov-12 16:22:05

bizarre confused
go and collect him in future - he must be exhausted
is the teacher new to the school -could he/she be trying to prove a point about what a great teacher they are by getting ds to do his work?
I would also be angry about the implication that he has a bad day based on how he is when he goes into school (i.e. it's all your fault) - that's very rude and shows a lack of understanding,

Ihavenobum Mon 05-Nov-12 19:58:19

Thank you for the replies everyone as I have mentioned due to history at Ds's school I just feel uneasy, and most is prob just down to me being paranoid! Its just strange that he has always struggled to complete work then TAH-DAH he suddenly produced mounds of work....on the odd days confused.

Attila he is on SA+, currently involved with an educational psychologist who has worked wonders since coming in, she takes no nonsense. And is on the waiting list with camhs.

cornybeef I must admit the comment about the bad day did hit a nerve but the teacher is going by the fact that we do not know (asd or not) and that is the problem we don't therefore iep can be ignored if the teacher sees fit, and if they show Ds as doing well the educational psychologist wont be needed any more.

SilkStalkings Mon 05-Nov-12 21:32:23

I would (and have) go inside looking for my child if they were that late.

cornybeefhash Mon 05-Nov-12 21:36:55

teacher needs to understand that support is based on need and not dx
he doesn't suddenly require extra support with a dx - he always needed it

mariammma Tue 06-Nov-12 00:22:26

A slightly evil tactic would be to identify this as a problem and ask for his next IEP to be "putting on coat independently, leaving classroom promptly and meeting Mum in playground at the same time as peers" grin. You could be even more machavellian and link it to the 'how he is some noemi g's comment by pointing out the need to structure and teach skills in transitioning from home-school and vice versa.

Although it might be that a bit of low-stimulus after-class learning time (with teacher/TA whilst they sort things out for the next say) is letting your DS display his true abilities. Do you think an effusive thank-you card would help the story to emerge wink? You don't want to be unkind to a keen young teacher doing voluntary extra work, nor have her goodwill exploited by a school trying to deny your dc's genuine needs.

And if they are finally meeting his needs, "all" you need is some honesty about who/ when / how, so they can make sure it continues. Plus some way (shame schools dont do flexi time, accrued holidays or time in lieu grin) to avoid extending his school day way beyond that of the other children. Or (bit random but...) could he be deliberately staying behind and finishing his work without them noticing?

Ihavenobum Wed 07-Nov-12 13:12:19

mariamma Good idea, I am sometimes very slow on the uptake so if something like info posted on this thread happens it kind of takes me a short while before I start scratching my head and thinking Hello..thats a bit STTRRAAANNGGEEEE grin. Personally I would like to think that Ds's new teacher is genuine and really wants to help Ds rather than force him to produce work for the sake of SATS and making ones-self look good (feels the devil inside start to stir..) your post has certainly given me food for thought. It hasn't happened since but I wouldn't trust some members of Ds's school as far as I could throw them eg headteacher but in repect to that he could possibly of been jaded by Ds's "goldenballed" teacher last year..which is why I thought I would post.

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