Impatience in ASD children...10year old overeacting to delays etc

[swanthingafteranother]

I had a great day with my 10 year old son. No people to annoy him, lots of running around in green spaces, enough food, adult attention.

Yet, he fell apart waiting for the bus on the way home...(not literally) and the minute he got in to our house had picked a screaming row with his older brother over the Rugby.

The bus journey was two journeys of ten minutes each, sitting at busstop for 10 minutes on both occasions. He just didn't seem to be able to wait at all, usually I put this down to quarrelling with his siblings or external factors, but this time I just realised he had no ability to WAIT for anything.

Should I be "training" him to put up with boring things, or just removing them altogether? He has been on numerous long plane journeys/trains/cars. And usually behaves badly...

[porridgelover]

Hmmm. No advice really but will be watching for any nuggets.
DS is very similiar. His idea of hell on earth is going shopping with me. He might tolerate grocery shopping but stuff I want to do...no way. Normally, I plan, plan, plan. So if there is anywhere that we may be where he has to wait, I will have my phone apps, a book, an MP3 player for him to entertain himself.

Good idea re 'training' him but how to do that?

[colditz]

I think with my son it's because he can't imagine what is going to happen next. He's in limbo while he is waiting, to him it is like waiting for blood test results, he doesn't know that something bad isn't going to happen, so he gets more and more anxious.

[colditz]

A lot of timing and reassurance helps, but doesn't cure the situation.

[Kleinzeit]

My DS is very like that. He has improved a lot with age but he still gets anxious and impatient. Telling him how long he had to wait sometimes helped ? ?the bus is due in 10 minutes? ? but not always. Distractions can help a lot, I used to plug DS into headphones and a story tape or sit in airports reading to him and he?d zone out, or give him sweets to suck. I always brought comics and other amusements for anywhere we have to wait around like the dentist, now I remind him to bring his DS or a book, I try never to leave him with nothing at all to do. It is also worse if he is tired, so especially hard to cope with waiting at the end of the day. To be honest I tend to wimp out and get taxis. We do catch buses but I avoid two-bus journeys ? the combination of waiting and transitions is just too much for him.

[Oblomov]

ds1 is very impatient. he often hurries me out of the house before I am ready! I am watching with interest.

[swanthingafteranother]

klenzeit the taxis struck a chord I have to curb in my taxi reliance as it does seem ridiculous when a) I can on occasion drive (though not a good driver) b) it is too £££££ and c) ds2 used to be fascinated by public transport and find it fun taking different buses/tubes.

What I find strange is that ds2 is so adventurous for want of a better word, and so happy to explore, yet so incapable of putting up with hanging around, which is what I associate with adventuring from childhood(ie: stoical endurance)

Dh said that when taken for a burger after a film for example ds2 will only put up with 10 mins of the eating/chatting before wanting to be off again, whether it means that dh has finished or not.
There is a complete lack of interest in anyone else's reasons for waiting; so for example as you said "porridge" he finds shopping utterly incomprehensible and boring, especially now he isn't interested in toys even. Ah well, I think most men find shopping boring don't they?

I used to think it was just how 2/3/4/5/6/7 year olds behaved...now he's 10 it is a bit more difficult to put it down to normal childlike impetuousity. Yet he can sit still in school, and concentrate on books, but it is a familiar place so easier to relax.

Klenzeit two bus journeys, that is interesting, so not the length but the transition element; I would have assumed it was less boring to break the journey up but maybe not.

[swanthingafteranother]

It also seems to be a sensory thing. He is able to run, but not able to sit still when he is "tired"...as if sitting still is more tiring than moving around.
So if he's in a car or bus he will thrash around, or keep trying to put his head on someone's (usually very cross sibling's) shoulder; with me at busstop he kept trying to rub his head against me or put his foot on my foot. But sitting down...no, that was impossible.

Maybe sitting still is a very tiring thing for children??? And we have learnt it as adults only?

[Kleinzeit]

DS finds bus/train/car rides soothing and he?ll sit peacefully looking out of the window watching the scenery go by. But waiting and changing are hard for him.

DS also gets very impatient over food (we?ve had meltdowns over slow café service!) and he wont hang about after he?s finished either swan. It?s only very recently that he?s been able to sit through a meal out or even a snack without some kind of distraction for when he?s not eating. There was a thread recently in AIBU about a kid wearing headphones in a posh hotel dining room, could?ve been my son!

[porridgelover]

klein that is DS to a T. Cant wait while someone else finishes/gets ready .
I didnt get involved in that thread but my immediate thought on reading the OP was that it could have been my DS who would be wearing earphones just so that we could all go out together once.

[sazale]

The ASD worker at CAMHS tol us that it was a combination of things with public transport.

It's unpredictable, needs social imagination and sensory issues.

They don't arrive at the time the timetable says.
Then you don't know how full it's going to be.
Social imagination difficulties make it hard to picture all the different possible outcomes.
Will there be someone on you'll know?
Where will you sit?
Will it go on the correct route or will roadworks divert it?
Will it be noisy? Will it be smelly?

I'm sure you get the idea! I find the iceberg method very useful for things like this x

[Cathycat]

Is there anything that your son is annoyingly obsessed with? i suppose it is that that you need to keep in your handbag just in case! Eg., a nintendo ds, a pad and feltips, a percy jackson book. Anything that interests and keeps him quiet, that is what you take at all times, even have a double copy! (I have a v big handbag). xx

[saintlyjimjams]

DS1 is slightly better if there is an obvious queue (although it took many years to get to that stage). So he can wait quite well at a cafe with an obvious queue now for example, but he couldn't wait for a doctor's appointment.

if he loses it waiting (and he often does) there's very little I can do. Sometimes counting with him helps, or using one of the timer apps available on iTunes. If he hasn't completely lost the plot then eating sometimes works.

[Ineedalife]

Hi swan, your post about the fidgeting struck a chord with me, Dd3 is just like that, she is either dangling over me or putting her head up my jumper. She constantly moves and is worse when waiting or tired.

We tend to avoid waiting situations tbh, I know we should tackle them more often but it is draining.

We recently went to a restraunt [sp] that wasnt self service and i thought she was going to either lose it or start eating the serviettes

No help sorry

[troutsprout]

Oh blimey ... This was like ds in traffic jams when he was about 10 ! He used to totally lose it... Lol put a new slant on road rage.!
We tried to distract as much as we could but tbh nothing much helped. I think it wasn't just waiting but also that he hated that ' trapped in a queue feeling ' as on occasion if we could let him out too look down the queue to see what was happening , he seemed to calm.
He learnt to control it somehow. I notice he still tenses if he sees notices of delays ( he knew maps/ routes at early age so you couldnt brush over things) and asks if we can go a different way. However... He has been in some whopper jams recently... And coped .
I know some bus routes have tracker apps ... Might be worth seeing if yours does? if he can see that something IS happening then it may help.I always let ds control public transport (as in control which bus /train we take ...he's better than me!) and I find he can cope with any small delay .
Sorry not much help... I think maybe after sitting and waiting lots of times , he may have a bank of experience he can refer to?

[Ineedalife]

Oh god traffic jams, we once got stuck in one where a car had blocked the road and we were told it would take upto an hour to clear it. Dd3 was beside herself, she was gagging and heaving on the side of the road. It was a nightmare, I had her and 3 teenagers in the car.

[swanthingafteranother]

Today I took ds2 to Mass where we often have a problem with him barging into the communion queue I decided to a) mention all the teachers who were in the congregation watching and admiring his good behaviour
b) remind him that we don't barge into queues as it is rude
c) keep talking to him quietly whilst waiting

It has taken a few weeks of concentrated attention to get him to wait, but he is now waiting his turn. So I suppose it does work if you focus on a particular problem and give lots of positive approval.

[Kleinzeit]

Nice to hear you had a success there swan! We are going to a fireworks display tonight and I'm just crossing my fingers there wont be a huge queue to get in (we have to pick up tickets on the door)

[suburbandream]

With my DS (9), I make sure I do a lot of preparation so he knows we might have to wait a bit, the bus might be busy so you can't always sit exactly where you like, if there are other people, particularly old people or people with buggies they will need the seat more than you .... and repeat!! .
While we are waiting I try to keep him occupied, spotting stuff, looking at the bus timetables and posters if there are any up there etc. Then I resort to bribery and sweets HTH