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How do you ease anxiety?

(10 Posts)
BeeMom Sat 03-Nov-12 20:22:53

I am honestly looking for some new (and possibly free, and something I can do while still caring for DCs) ideas, since the old "glass of wine" is threatening to turn into "bottle of wine and a beer mug".

I understand that for every family (and definitely moreso for SN families) stress exists - and there is some you can fix and some you can't. What I am starting to feel buried by is not "real" stress, but stress over what may or may not happen...

I am one who can play the part and seem calm and collected when it matters, but I am finding that I am falling apart during safe times, becoming a bit too controlling over the things I can control, and generally turning into a raving bitch.

Because of Bee's issues (her condition is degenerative and she is under hospice care) I know what the future will hold for her (in the absence of a miracle) but hearing that another of the children who attends her school passed away yesterday has just turned me into a quivering mess. I am literally shaking, can't seem to motivate myself to do anything productive, and I know that it is the fear that she will be next doing it to me.

So... how do you unwind? Is there anything you have found that is new or different, or even a little odd that helps you focus and get your head on straight? I have a feeling that if I talk to my GP about it, she will recommend that it might be time for meds... but since we can't afford medication (when DH lost his job, we lost any payment assistance for prescription medication, too) I figured it might be a good idea to see if the real professionals had sage advice for a mum who is about to lose her shit.

PolterGoose Sat 03-Nov-12 21:54:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coff33pot Sun 04-Nov-12 02:03:17

There are a lot of herbal remedies in health shops you could try over here we have some called "Calms" or St Johns Wort is another.

Colouring in smile I like art not good at it but just colouring in books, mosaics helps me block out and focus enough to think what to do next smile Both my DDs do this now and DS is starting to do the same.

Giving myself 10 mins on my own even if its sat on the loo seat with the door locked. On one desperate occasion I had been known to grab a cushion and lay in the bath with a cuppa lol (empty of course) knowing that if I am in my bathroom haven no one bothers me grin

Bouncing a bouncy ball if I feel I am going to get stressed out with DS. It helps me focus on whats on hand and helps me keep my voice calm with the rythmn of drop...catch..drop...catch. Also helps not making eye contact too!

I guess you could say I can only think as I am doing something, I find it impossible to just sit and think with home lifes chaos going on in the background.

Walking. I do a lot of stomping with or without dog. Sometimes its just to relax and sometimes its to scream my head of and cry in some field or beach. It does you good to let loose and stay out till it feels better. x

SallyBear Mon 05-Nov-12 10:26:33

I hate the horrible heart racing feeling you get. Oddly it only ever happens at night after the kids are in bed and I am watching tv. hmm
I think that the trying to lose yourself in something is good advice. Knitting is good as at least you feel that you've knitted out your anxieties into a comforter or a sweater. I also do a lot of Suduko, card games on my iPhone etc. baking is also very therapeutic. I spoke to a friend last week. She had three phone calls about her DS demanding different things from her regarding him. She went and baked cup cakes.
I suppose what I am saying is that trying to do something to take the stress out of things helps hugely. Can you go running or cycling, maybe the gym and do a spin class? The adrenalin gives you a positive boost. Has the Fall been nice? Can you go out for walks and take photographs? Harness your artistic instincts and be creative. It may sound contrite, but you are not alone in all of this. Many of us have things that make us feel very overwhelmed. It's just trying to park it and find time for yourself. Selfish as it sounds, but you function better when you have had "me time" smile

moosemama Mon 05-Nov-12 11:00:51

Not sure if it will help you, but I have recently discovered why ds1 is so much calmer after he's had his computer time. (He suffers from terrible anxiety.)

I've been ill recently and got really fed up just stuck either in bed or on the sofa particularly as that's when my anxiety starts to build and gets out of control. Out of sheer desperation I downloaded a couple of games onto the laptop and found that I can completely lose myself in them.

The first one I downloaded was World of Goo, which is strangely relaxing as you have to build structures out of the goo. Then I discovered the point and click style hidden clue games and found they were even better for destressing as you have to work out puzzles that take a lot of concentration and that stops the worries creeping in. I have done Machinarium, Botanicula, Samorost (very short that one) and the whole of the Drawn series.

If you want to give it a go try www.hiddenobjectgames.com and you can try a few out for free.

I realise it's not for everyone, but honestly, if you'd told me a month or so ago that I'd be playing computer games I'd have said you were bonkers and now I find it really helps.

Alternatively, the best ever thing I've found to help is exercise, specifically circuit/interval training. Last year I built up my fitness levels slowly and this time last year I was doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred daily, plus longer workouts at the weekend and I felt amazing, I lost lots of weight and even more inches and felt the best I had in years. I also noticed my mood lifted pretty much completely and I was able to cope with stress much much better. Unfortunately it wasn't sustainable for me because I have an illness that relapses and this year has been a disaster for me health-wise, but I still hope to work my way back up to that point, because it was honestly the best, calmest and happiest I've felt in years - if not ever.

The best thing about the shred is that it is intense, so is really hard at first, but gives you fast results and it's only 20 minutes long, so by the time you think you can't go on and you're ready to give up it's over.

SallyBear Mon 05-Nov-12 11:16:54

Like the idea of the Shred moose! 20 minutes is about my limit anyway. I shall google it!

moosemama Mon 05-Nov-12 12:45:59

It's amazing Sally. I couldn't walk for three days when I first started doing it, but pushed through the pain and it was well worth it.

If you have a look on the weight-loss/fitness threads on MN there are whole threads of people who are addicted to the shred and other Jillian Michaels workout dvds.

I really miss it, but am determined to get back there as soon as my body decides to start doing as it's told again! hmm grin

hazeyjane Mon 05-Nov-12 12:56:53

Those games sound great, Moosemama - not for me, they would drive me insane, but dh would love them (he finds those games where you build and then destroy civilisations good stress relief - I find that quite worrying, but each to their own!)

Things that I find help

baking
sewing
sticking my mp3 player in with angry songs from my youth and going for a walk
aqua zumba (this sounds like a nightmare, and well it is really, but jiggling that much in a swimsuit helps, honestly)
drawing

but tbh, i wouldn't have been able to even think about doing any of the above, if my gp hadn't started me on a very low dose of anti depressants a year and 1/2 ago. I was frozen in a fog and I would get so frustrated and snappy with my dds, and sometimes would just stop, it was rubbish. My gp suggested ads, to help me climb out of the hole I was in. They just helped me to take a deep breath and get on with stuff that had to be done, and not lose it with the girls. it also gave me the space to ne able to work out ways to make myself feel better. I stopped taking them 2 months ago, and (touch wood) so far have not felt the need to take them again.

used2bthin Mon 05-Nov-12 13:45:55

Hi and sorry to hear you are feeling low. I have some idea of the worry in terms of dd1's future though no definate knowledge which definately helps as I tend to just try to bury my head in the sand.

I know its meds but I have had beta blockers in the past. I get most of my anxiety at night so have been able to just use when I need them-I may get more soon as I had some very bad news yesterday that a friend has died totally unexpectedly whilst on a walk with her dd. Not taken it in yet tbh,and dreading when I do.

Also for me shopping helps but not great money wise! And just having a treat myself kindly attitude, only seeing people I am comfortable around and generally trying to look after myself.

The not being able to do anything I get-and not sure how to tackle that one. Hope you feel better soon.

mymatemax Mon 05-Nov-12 17:15:38

The most important thing in enabling a parent to cope is sleep... I know don't all laugh at once..
Do you get enough sleep? Are you able to go off to sleep easily? Is the sleep proper restful sleep or are you waking often.

Even if you have to get up in the night it is essential that any sleep you do get is a relaxing sleep. Get your own bedtime routine sorted, relaxing bath, wind down, warm milky drink, no TV & then bed, EARLY.

If you can get relaxing sleep, even if interupted the relaxed state is more likely to carry over in to the nex day.

I also watch dodgy comedies, go to a pub quiz night once a week, jump on the trampoline with the kids, read easy to read stuff.
Only attend essential appointments, if therapists arent doing anything for us I politely decline their support.
Accept help when friends offer, people really do want to help, dont be proud!

Walking - Briskly, even if its with DS2 in his wheelchair (he actually finds it quite funny) but better on my own.

Also dont forget to cuddle up witht he kids on the sofa or on their bed with them... can't beat a good cuddle to make you feel better.

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