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3yo with autistic traits help!

(13 Posts)
desprodad Sat 03-Nov-12 00:02:29

i have been agonising over my daughter since she was 8 months old. she's now 3 and i'm none the wiser. she has been seen by professionals when she was 2 and we were told she was severely delayed in speech and language but nothing else. at present she is tip-toeing, lining things up, hates the hoover noise, sometimes repeats what is said to her and often when excited repeats the same question in a short period of time. i am well read on ASD and believe she is on the spectrum. however, no1 else sees what i see. my wife believes she is a normal child and most consultants would say we r all autistic in some way. plus being a girl makes it even harder to see because she is social and affectionate. there are many mums and dads who believed their children showed autistic traits at a young age but somehow grew out of them, if u can, since there is no cure or is it they were able to cope and hence didn't stand out? she has started nursery and i'm fearful of the dreaded measles. there r outbreaks in the uk and europe and she hasn't been vaccinated yet. my wife insists she should have it, even has a single jab but my heart says no. i know the government's stance is clear, that the MMR doesn't cause autism but in my child's case she has autistic traits and would the jab (even as a single vaccine) do more harm??? and there are consultants out there that would say that is a real possibility. there is research to suggest that the measles virus is present in the guts of autistic children, the same strain as the vaccine, hence more research is needed to conclude the outcome. i've struggled endlessly with the decision to have/have not the jab and now it's causing an immense strain on my marriage. i hope this makes sense, it's late. please if there is any1 out there that can help.....pls. respond.

PolterGoose Sat 03-Nov-12 09:37:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SallyBear Sat 03-Nov-12 10:09:21

I agree with Poltergoose.

waitingforgodot Sat 03-Nov-12 11:24:18

Hi desprodad. I remember the "is he isn't he" thing well and it was my DH who was slightly in denial about the whole ASD thing. Anyway, I would say it is absolutely crucial that you be a pushy parent and try and get some answers. Did the professionals that assessed your dd come up with any advice/planning? It may be an idea to get a hearing test done in the first instance as sometimes speech delay is down to hearing issues. Do you have a speech and language therapist?

Ineedalife Sat 03-Nov-12 12:14:13

Hi desprodad, I was in a similar situation to you when my Dd3 was little. I knew from when she was tiny that she was different, she was very easy in many ways but if something rocked her boat she would go ballistic. she was terrified of noises of all kind, smells used to stress her out, I couldnt give her medicine of any kind because she knew it was different.

None of my family supported me they mostly said she was spoiled. I finally started to push for a diagnosis when she was 5.5 and it took another 3.5 years to get her diagnosis by which time her Dad was fully on board and understands that she does in fact have ASD.

My Dd3 had single vaccines because she had had serious reactions to the early vaccines and I was very concerned about the vaccines being given together.
She had no reaction to the single vaccines but has so far been unable to have the mumps vax as no one is making it atm.

I dont think any one on here would try to advise you on this subject as it is very emotive but what they would probably do is suggest that you dont dwell on it for too long and leave your child open to catching measles which is a really nasty illness that can kill.

I agree with waiting that you need to become really pushy and be a real pain and dont give up and dont give in to people who say "Oh all children do that."

Good lucksmile

BsDad Sat 03-Nov-12 16:53:00


Reading this has struck a chord. I just wanted to say stay strong and resolute. If I've learnt anything from raising an autistic child (he's 5) it is to trust your own instincts, because no one is as good an expert on your child as you are.

I've been writing about my experiences for some time at:
Some of the experiences recounted on there may resonate with you.

It is refreshing to see a fellow dad trying to puzzle out the same things that I did. I wish you well.

By the way, I can honestly say I never for one second had a hesitation in getting the jabs for my boy. For what its worth, I don't believe autism can be caught or contracted. People on the spectrum are born differently, I believe.

B's Dad

Learning70 Sat 03-Nov-12 22:57:42

Hi definitely read B's Dad's blog. I came across it some time ago and it struck so many chords with me. The thing that has made me sad about reading it is that maybe we could have been further down the diagnosis route than we are and going for statement earlier had we realised and the last 18 months could have been so much better for our little boy. It's interesting what you say about parents seeing traits that they grew out of. I saw many in my older son and he is fine. I saw none in my younger son and he almost certainly is ASD. Both had speech delay though. Also my friend's son has autism and my son is nothing like him, so I ruled it out. Once I started reading up properly, I thought shit, he actually is! It's a flipping minefield!

Learning70 Sat 03-Nov-12 23:03:52

Ps echo B's dad, I totally believe born that way. I think genetics, I am sure I actually did see traits in my older son but he is not negatively affected in any way. I'm keeping my eye on him though. But my youngest is affected in many ways and his life is impacted so I need that diagnosis to start making life better for him and all of us.

iluvmababyz Sat 03-Nov-12 23:17:11

hi desprodad

i agree with everyone else about pushing the health professions nobody knows your child better than you. at first my dh was indenial and thought it was all in my head, my hv at first said not to worry about her speech delays (she didnt put words together) and a lot of people said that her older sister was 'talking for her' we noticed other behaviours and she stopped talking completely once she turned 2 and its then that my dh realised too. she is now 2 years 7 months and we are only 11 days away from her diagnosis (classic autism has been mentioned)

both our girls had the first half of their mmr vaccine at 13 months old and dd1 had her 2nd at 3 and half dd2 will be having her second mmr vaccine too. i honestly believe there is no link between the 2 and believe that our dd2 was born special smile

best wishes to you and your family smile

lingle Sun 04-Nov-12 15:16:27

measles - A wise member of this board taught me that Autism is not one thing. So whilst as individuals we can testify that our own children were born the way they are OR alternatively regressed suddenly, I think that's about as far as we can go.

desprodad Sun 04-Nov-12 22:05:50

thank you all, for your wise words!!! half-term is over and now i'm going to chase up an appt. from the professionals....much to the disapproval of my wife! still not sure about the measles jab. however, on a positive note many parents are in favour of it and no one has indicated that their child has suffered or their condition worsened by it. many thanks

AgnesDiPesto Sun 04-Nov-12 22:55:15

Hi desprodad.
My son had the jab - he continued developing typically for nearly a year after he had it and then regressed and was diagnosed with ASD.
There cannot possibly have been a connection with the jab after that time delay.
Good luck with the referrals.
Most young children will get (at best) speech therapy, autism outreach, portage, perhaps OT. You may be able to access these without a diagnosis. If not you can read up much of it yourself and none of the strategies are harmful to a child whether they have asd or not.
The best place to start is the Hanen More than Words book (see Wilmslow publishers for best price) - there is a Hanen book called 'it takes two to talk' which is less asd specific than More Than words but covers many of the same strategies. If your partner is not ready to think about asd you could get the It Takes two book instead as a good introduction to ways to develop communication / language.
A portage worker or speech therapist coming into the home can also help try and figure out the issues - you should be able to self refer to both.
The nursery should also be able to access a specialist early years teacher and may be able to access funding for some 1:1 to do language work etc

I have three boys and they all had jabs - we have no autism in family - I think it was just that we were older parents by the time DS3 with ASD came along

lingle Mon 05-Nov-12 09:59:56

"If your partner is not ready to think about asd you could get the It Takes two book instead as a good introduction to ways to develop communication / language."

strongly agree. My husband happily read this book with great care and absorbed its techniques.

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