Talk

Advanced search

Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

When boys are mean to boys

(11 Posts)
SittingBull Thu 01-Nov-12 04:29:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WarmAndFuzzy Thu 01-Nov-12 06:52:43

I don't really have an answer but I get the same with both of my boys (both AS, socially interested but with problems around personal space and an inability to understand social cues).

Mine are 6 and 8 - they have both been told that they're annoying by their classmates, and my eldest said yesterday of a picture of a smiling woman that she looked like she was one of these people who was always happy, not like him because he was almost never happy, and my heart broke for him a little bit.

I think they're that much more aware at that age. My 6 year old doesn't really get upset about it, but my 8 year old notices a lot more (and has been deserted by kids that used to be his friends).

I've got him involved in interests outside the classroom like chess, which he loves and excels at, and where he finds other kids who like to play with him, and have a couple of understanding friends with sons his age who I arrange playdates with. He seems to be much better at one to one stuff than in the classroom.

Not sure how much help that is, but I wanted you to know that he's not the only one!

WofflingOn Thu 01-Nov-12 06:56:33

It happens a lot as they hit KS2 and the divergence between their behaviour and their peers increases. I would second getting him into an interest-based club IRL or online that can help him feel as if he has friends and gives him a social group that won't exclude. What is he interested in?
I'd also speak to the teacher and ask what they are doing about his social inclusion and to defuse any potential bullying scenarios.

SittingBull Thu 01-Nov-12 07:09:51

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bochead Thu 01-Nov-12 07:27:34

It's my firm belief that bullying happens at EVERY school in the land. Left alone kids quickly revert to a Lord of the flies state and are uncivilised beasties. What varies to a massive degree is an individual's school's response when it occurs. My son's current school has an absolute zero tolerance policy - ton of bricks is the approach they take to bullying.confused. I also like their attitude to difference.

Go into school and talk to the HT face to face. Take the attitude that you are sure that the HT is as shocked as you are that this is happening and that you have total faith that now alerted of course the school will ensure that your child is never left sobbing again. Use a bit of flattery and don't forget to praise them for what they are getting right (his handwriting has improved recently or summat?).

Follow up the face to face meeting with an email confirming what was said. This is your evidence if it becomes necessary to have a 2nd chat wink

At the same time have a conversation with your child's teacher/TA around ensuring your child has the social skills needed to alert an adult when he is being upset by other children. This could be as simple as waving a red hanky in the air to alert the dinner ladies, or it could be much more complex - depends on your child's abilities. The key thing is to let adults know exactly when it's happeneing - as kids are sneaky and will pick on your child when they think noone is looking. It's much easier for them to sort if they can do so on the spot in real time.

The gymnastics class is harder to tackle but you can try talking to the teacher. It may be time to bow out and find other activities. We dropped a swimming class, (as otherwise I'd have punched the instructor for his snide comments), and DS has done a trial and is now on the waiting list for a club that is lovely instead.

DS has a dog & a cat. He's had times when they have been his only friends in the past. The dog especially has really helped him break the ice and make friends at the park etc. He's made some real friends at activities that are slightly off the beaten track - the city farm, RDA for example (he loves animals). He's also really enthusiastic about his after school art club. A friends son joined an adventure playground that had games consoles last year so he could share his obsession with Super Mario with other devotees (NT & ASD).

SittingBull Thu 01-Nov-12 07:36:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilsonFrickett Thu 01-Nov-12 12:02:57

It's not your fault, at all. You said in your OP that you're practicing and teaching and trying. The thing to remember is you can teach your DCs to try, you can't teach the rest of the world's to care sad.

Are there any clubs or support groups for SN kids near you? I really recognise the Asperger's friendship you describe, my DS has a similar friendship and it is so lovely to see them both being together without interacting, so my friend and I are taking the plunge (neither of us are 'group' people) and trying out a local drop-in club in a couple of weeks.

mrslaughan Thu 01-Nov-12 13:58:40

Sittingbull - you are the best mother for your son, and remember that..., unfortunately none of us are superhuman.

I know where you are coming from - DS has just gone into year 3, and he struggles in group situations to read all the social cues...keep up with the group. Also has sensory issues. He tries so hard, but he still gets it wrong sometimes....it just breaks my heart. His school is fab on many levels, but the way they work the boys have quite abit of free rein (which DS loves - it is his friend and enemy).....His teacher said to me the other day - the other boys realise your DC is different, and that makes him a target, and we are doing everything we can to try and protect him, but we can't be there 100% of the time. It took me days to get over that, because this is going to be the rest of DS's school life. Fortunately DS has 1 really really good friend in his class and all the boys who were in his class last year are very protective of him (which I have to say is surprising), but a group of new boys have joined his class...and I am watching the dynamics change.....All I can do is keep working with him on his social skills, sensory issues and set expectations of behaviour.....

With regards to the gym, It sounds like it is something he loves, and is good at, I would see if you could talk to the instructor.....to me it sounds like verbal bullying and the club should not be tolerating that.

shoppingbagsundereyes Thu 01-Nov-12 14:17:58

With regards to clubs, have you tried Beavers/cubs? Ds is one of 3 kids with aspergers in a Beavers troop of just 8 kids. He absolutely loves it and seems to find it easy to mix with the kids there.

SittingBull Fri 02-Nov-12 07:05:05

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SittingBull Fri 02-Nov-12 07:06:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now