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Is actually the shittest of shitty mums in the whole wide world!!

(24 Posts)
GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 19:25:31

I have posted here about my DD before. She is the kindest most caring person I have ever met, but we are in the process of trying to get a diagnosis of ADHD.

She and her brother are on schoool holiday this week, I have taken the last of my holiday too.

I cannot stand to be in the same room as her. My DP was with us all weekend, so not too bad. I worked Sunday night, so my DD age 17, one of the few people who can just about handle her, came to look after them while I slept yesterday. I went to bed ay 10.30 ish and got up at 2. DP came home at just after 5, so it's not as if I had to cope with them for ages on my own. DP is also on holiday now, went shopping for over an hour but otherwise around and hands on.

I feel like screaming at DD. She isn't doing anything especially out of the ordinary, just bouncing around like the duracell bunny on speed as usual, answering back and generally knowing best as usual. I am just trying to keep away from her and her away from me. It is me not her really. I am a shit mum!!

StarlightMcKenzie Tue 30-Oct-12 19:29:16

Good grief. You don't sound like a shit mum to me, just one that needs a break. Not an avoidance break, but a proper planned rejuvination break, and then factored in proper regulat ones.

I've been known to seperate my kids. Insist they STAY in seperate rooms from each other and me in a completely seperate one again for half an hour, just because, no reason at all except I need a house of silence once in a while.

Ineedalife Tue 30-Oct-12 19:36:55

I feel sad for you and your Dd but I have a Dd with possible ADHD so I kind of know where you are coming from.

Do you have a trampoline/ gym ball, near by park, bikes, swimming pool.

I found Dd1 much easier to manage if she was exercised regularly. I also used play schemes in the holidays at local leisure centres and community centres. Luckily she was very outgoing and always keen to get stuck in.

Good luck for the rest of the week.

Ineedalife Tue 30-Oct-12 19:38:58

Yay, to what starlight said about separating the kids. I only have 2 at home now but i send them off to their own spaces regularly.

I agree with trying to get a break

GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 19:44:05

I am going to get one later in the week. I am letting their Dad take them to his parents. They don't speak to me, so I have been saying that they cannot go. I have agreed out of desperation. I have coursework to do and it cannot get done while DD is around. Not so bad with just DS. Just with both of them or even DD on her own.

I did try seperating them, sent them both to their own rooms, but that was more of a battle than anything.

I have just had a lovely cuddle from both of them, DD then got me my bottle of wine from the fridge and DP is putting them to bed. She is so kind!! I just wish she was less bouncy!

Ineedalife Tue 30-Oct-12 19:53:35

TBF I dont tend to send them to their rooms because they feel that that is a punishment, I tend to send one to the dining room and one in the living room.

I am lucky to have extra space in the form of a computer area and converted loft space which both have Gadgets, so Dd3 who has ASD is usually happy to be directed to one of those.

I am glad that you are going to get a break and that you Dd is able to be kindsmile

GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 20:08:41

She really is the kindest person I have ever met. She is a ball of energy! I have worked in care all my working life and met some very caring people but she is more kind and caring than any of them!!

I am sure she is going to be an awesome adult.

With her drive and energy and caring nature and very black and white view of right and wrong I can see her campaigning in some way and winning!!!

coff33pot Tue 30-Oct-12 20:09:48

You are not a shitty mum you are a need a break mum because living with zebedee 24/7 can be a bit..............AHHHHH! grin

zebedee is in my house at the moment as he is over excited/anxious about going on the train tomorrow. DH has just come in and he has had 3 different conversations from him in one go whilst hopping up and down the dinning room and back!

I tend to do a bath full of bubbles up to his chin and.......forget he exists for a little while grin (not out of ear shot but out of view yes!)

GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 20:11:38

Trying so hard to focus on the positive!!

Just so I manage not to kill her before she gets there!!

GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 20:13:13

DD has my sensitivities and cannot do bubble bath, that makes us both sad.

I am so glad I have you all to whinge at without you judging me!

Ineedalife Tue 30-Oct-12 20:32:46

Dd3 is very caring towards her friends and my niece who have disabilities. She finds it very dificult to extend it to people without visible difficulties but hey.

I think this is a great place to vent as we all know what each other is dealing with on a day to day basis.

Be kind to yourself and take caresmile

coff33pot Tue 30-Oct-12 20:35:38

Nooooo no killing! Sound proof rooms are acceptable though grin

GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 20:41:10

Oh Coff, you never fail to cheer me up!!

I will now confess the worst of it and you may well all hate me for it.

Last night, just before her dad came home from work I told her she had to change her behaviour or live somewhere else. Her little face fell. She is only 7 FFS, how could I do that to her? See, I am the shittiest mum ever!!

moosemama Tue 30-Oct-12 21:36:36

Nope, you're not Ghost. When my ds1 was 4, after a particular trying day I told him that if he didn't change his behaviour I was going to have to live somewhere else. sad I have never forgotten it (I can still picture the exact room and where we were sitting etc in my head as clear as if it was yesterday) and I still blame myself for it all the time. In fact I have even been known to blame that conversation for his ASD symptoms, thinking that it really was my parenting after all - until I realised that that conversation came out of his behaviours and not vice versa. But, the more compassionate part of me knows I was down-to-the-bone exhausted and it was a mistake - one I will always regret, but which I have since made up for with a thousand reassurances and promises that I will never leave any of my children because they are all dearer to me than life itself and by fighting tooth and nail to make sure he is properly supported.

Lord only knows parent is exhausting, without factoring SNs and sometimes, well, we are only human. You have to be kinder to yourself, you are doing your best and as others have said you need to build some proper respite breaks into your schedule, so that you can get out of the house without dd occasionally, even if it's just for a quick coffee or walk around the block.


GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 21:53:30

Oh noose after a bottle of wine I was beginning to get myself together, now I have totally fallen apart, but in a good way. She is child no3! I brought up DStD from 8 years old(now 28 and an awesome mum), DD1 age 17 (my secret rock), DD 2 (my handful on a good day, my nightmare on a bad one) and DS age 6 (the calm in the storm)
I am worn out, worn to the bone, no doubt about that. Trying to do all be all. Work 33 hours a week, go to college one day a week. Two young children, one of them very demanding. 1 teen who lives with her dad (in large part because of DD2, which makes me feel bad) who needs a lot of support from me.

DP does what he can, he does the go to bed, get up routines.

coff33pot Tue 30-Oct-12 21:56:40

Nope still not shitty Mum x

It happens (shit does grin)

We all say things we regret and I remember quite a few months ago when DS was going like the clappers and yelling. I came out with "why cant you be normal!" sad It didnt bother him as he was seeing red anyway but oh I cried my heart out.

GhostofMammaTJ Tue 30-Oct-12 22:05:03

I can imagine, but you must have been at the end of your rope!! I am still crying, all she wants to do is please me but the ADHD takes over!! I know that, I see the battle in her head, yet I still hit out at her like that!!!

imogengladhart Wed 31-Oct-12 10:06:57

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

imogengladhart Wed 31-Oct-12 10:08:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GhostofMammaTJ Wed 31-Oct-12 10:35:28

Thanks all. Today is another day.

I was awake at 4 am, my night shifts mess up my sleep pattern. My DS, as usual, was in bed with me. He woke at 6 and declared that it was his bed as he sleeps in it every night and I only sleep in it sometimes.

DD came in at 6.30 and got welcomed in. Lots of fun and hugs.

They are super excited about it being halloween. We have loads of decorations and sweets ready for the trick or treaters who call and DP is taking them out trick or treating.

She has been bouncy as ever but with a bit of focus, so it is easier to cope with.

whatthewhatthebleep Wed 31-Oct-12 10:35:57

I just remember (well, there have been many times really) but the one that sticks the most was just that I was all out of rope, I just exploded over a trifling thing but it was a break point iykwim...I was the loudest, rantiest, nutcase for about 20 was terrible, really terrible...stormed about the house being angry about everything..that pile of washing, that bloody grass that needs cut, 'look at your room, it's awful'...'is it not good enough here', 'what do you want from me', 'I'm doing my best and you appreciate nothing'....really awful, rant, rant, bloody nutter, crazy person...think I kicked the bathroom door that day too....

then cried like a baby, DS comforted me and I was apologising over and over for being so horrible....I'll never forget it, DS seemed to not really take it personally and was so lovely to me...which made me feel even worse and not deserving of his care and love because of what I'd said....bad day, bad times...we are not perfect, we are not bottomless pits, we have our moments and need to forgive ourselves for not always being stronge, controlled, stoic and perfect at all this parenting stuff...esp when our children are so complex and difficult...we get lost at times and it's really is.

((((())))) everyone xx

GhostofMammaTJ Wed 31-Oct-12 15:11:57

Your DS sounds lovely! Just as caring as my DD.

Strongecoffeeismydrug Wed 31-Oct-12 16:16:29

DS has been like a whirlwind today and knows how to push my buttons,I snapped at him and said " stop acting like a child" .he looked at me all confused cos he is only 8 after all smile

GhostofMammaTJ Wed 31-Oct-12 17:30:04

Aw, now that is funny!! It is also one I use when I am trying to tell them off but not wanting it to be too heavy. I will tell my DD to stop behaving like a 7 year old!

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