DS aged 11, has HFA - or rather, traits that put him just below the cut off line for Asperger's.
He is now beginning puberty and flits between 'my little boy' and the man he will become. Recently, I'm increasingly uncomfortable about his 'sexualised' behaviour towards me or in front of me.
All his life, he has 'parrotted' things he sees on TV. When he was much younger, he'd repeat whole phrases from children's programmes and 'act out' gestures etc from them.
I have been less than vigilant with monitoring what he watches (enormous guilt here), on his PC rather than TV these days. He is 'obsessed' with 'Family Guy' and rewatches episodes constantly and also The Simpsons. I hadn't realised how inappropriate the Family Guy cartoons are and now it's too late - and my own fault, that he's now 'parrotting' phrases from this and 'acting out' aspects of episodes.
He thinks it's a big joke and believes he's being really funny but I'm finding his sexualised gestures, anti-woman phrases and his pseudo- sexual behaviour towards me is really off-putting, worrying and repulsive. EG, he'll act like he's 'coming on' to me, without having any idea of what he's really doing.
I love my son of course and I know that he doesn't really mean to be offensive. When he sees that I'm upset and angry, he apologises and says it was just a joke and then sort of flips into 'little boy' once again.
However, he is equally likely to 'blame me' and get furiously angry, if I tell him off or call him on his behaviour - which, lifelong, he's done always, as he finds it difficult to accept blame and fault and so has to 'make it the other person's fault'.
Last night, I 'lost it' with him and shouted that I find his behaviour inappropriate and disgusting and that if he wasn't my son, I'd not want to be near him and would actually want to physically push him away. I told him I feel extremely uncomfortable with his gesturing and phrases and that this is completely inappropriate and not at all funny.
He was angry and upset but then went quiet and 'retreated into himself'. It was fine between us once he was going to bed last night but this morning I'm pulled between thinking I was over the top with him and he doesn't really understand what he's doing - but also, that I really need to clamp down more firmly on this behaviour.
He doesn't display this kind of behaviour outside the home, thank heavens and seems to have sufficient control and sense to act much more appropriately outside. However, I worry that oneday, he'll think he's joking around with his school friends but come out with something really inappropriate there and also, if he ever manages to havea relationship, his parodying of 'Family Guy' behaviour would make anyone run a mile.
So I'm wondering if anyone here has a child who displays anything similar at this stage of life - puberty - and how you dealt with it? Was I right to show him in no uncertain terms, that he's not being appropriate and I find his behaviour offensive - or should I be making more allowances and be more patient with him?
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'Inappropriate' behaviour in HFA DS
13 replies
BlogOnTheTyne · 30/10/2012 06:58
OP posts:
HotheadPaisan ·
01/11/2012 12:40
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