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How can I explain this?

(13 Posts)
Scottishdancer Sun 28-Oct-12 10:23:24

Ds4 (10) has ASD, severe sensory processing disorder (and dyslexia and dyspraxia but they are not relevant in this case). He hates any kind off loud noise, or places with lots of people. We can't go to the cinema, out to eat in restaurants, he wont eat in the lunch hall at school. He doesn't go to school parties, and can only sometimes tolerate friend's parties (I always have to stay, and we usually leave before the eating part). In the Summer holidays we went to Chessington but he couldn't cope with that at all ,even with an exit pass.

However it was his birthday a couple of days ago and he wanted a wacky wharehouse type party. I was not convinced as I didn't think he would cope, but he was adamant that he would. Well party was yesterday and he was brilliant, no headache (until we got home) no meltdown, no tears, and it was REALLY noisey.

Now we have got people ( especially parents) saying "well he obviously hasn't got a problem if he could manage that. He just does it to get round you"

What can I say???? I can't explain it myself..

SallyBear Sun 28-Oct-12 10:53:49

Maybe he just wanted it so badly that he psyched himself up to cope with it. Mentally prepared himself for the noise and the mayhem.
Well done to him though. I can't cope with the noise in those places and I'm 43!

TheLightPassenger Sun 28-Oct-12 11:01:57

yeah, it's a bit like climbing a mountain - you wouldn't feel up to it every day, but once a year you would tog up, prepare yourself and do it.

mymatemax Sun 28-Oct-12 11:08:25

ds2 can tolerate noise & sensory blasts if he knows where its coming from, whats making it & its obvious.
So could your son be OK at the party because he was expecting a room full of noise coming from noisy kids & thats what he got.

SOmething like chessington there is so much going on, noise smell, crowds, rides etc etc, its the unpredictability of it all that adds to the anxiety that makes the sensory overload harder to cope with.

StarlightMcKenzie Sun 28-Oct-12 11:15:20

Tell them it took a month of planning, practising and prepping for him to be able to manage that.

SallyBear Sun 28-Oct-12 11:19:06

I like that answer Star grin plus how proud you are of him.

Ineedalife Sun 28-Oct-12 11:31:24

I agrer with what has already been said. Dd3 is a master at coping strategies and most of my family dont really believe she has ASD. She often pushes herself in these kinds of things , she recently went to the brownie sleepover. She wanted to go just once before she left. She did well although she didnt sleep but by the time we picked her up i could tell she had reached saturation point and it took her about 3 days to recover.
I think its great that your ds wanted to push his limits and i would encourage it. Just make sure you build in recovery time afterwards. Dd3 knows that i will encourage a pyjama day after a busy one.

Good lucksmile

zzzzz Sun 28-Oct-12 11:44:17

Why don't you ask ds? Sometimes the child's take on things is the most accurate.

But I like stars answer, because sometimes I am torn between explaining how much work goes on behind the scenes, and smugly knowing we did such a good job people can see the work. iYKWIM

Scottishdancer Sun 28-Oct-12 11:45:44

Thank you. I think you are right. It did take a lot of planning and preparation, and it did take a lot out of him. He has got a headache today and is just having a "chill out day " but he is really proud of himself and had a great time.

BeeMom Sun 28-Oct-12 12:12:45

Bee is similar - she can hold it together rarely but pays for it after the fact. I got her a pair of molded earplugs (I got an inexpensive kit to mold them ourselves) that REALLY help. The ones we got are a "skin colour" so they are not very obvious. She goes to a SS where they are supportive of her needs, so during assemblies she is allowed to wear a pair of children's earmuffs. She has managed to attend the assemblies without them, but ends up very tired from the effort if "keeping it together".

I am very sorry that his behaviour yesterday has you so puzzled and questioning yourself (and others questioning you - they can mind their own business as far as I am concerned) but I think it is brilliant that he had a good time... happy belated birthday to him.

KeepOnKeepingOn1 Sun 28-Oct-12 12:50:10

My DS1 and DS2 have been to and had parties at these insanely stimulating places. They like having parties because they get presents (acquisitional) and the children that don't normally play with them come to their parties and are nice to them so motivation is high. Tends to be initial watching and holding back for about 30 mins followed by wild abandon then back to holding back and not interacting at food time then more wild abandon gradually leading to a sweaty manic child. Maybe there is so much sensory stimulation that remains constant that the child is able to learn to cope in a way that they can't with unpredictable, intermittent but less intense sensory stimulation.

whatthewhatthebleep Sun 28-Oct-12 13:08:59

the courage and determination of our children never ceases to amaze me...they mask their truest feelings so well, by the time they are barely out of nursery/P1...they build amazing resistances and ways of coping and they work tremendously hard to be included, not stand out, be accepted and manage so much, it is amazing to me they are so strong and stoic so much of the time...and keep going and going and going

You must be so proud that your DS was so determined and focused on his day to enjoy it....the depth of his strength and courage is testament to the support and self confidence you give him in being able to succeed in this way.

I so love to hear about our children's's like taking a fresh breath grin

Happy great time Birthday to him x

Inaflap Sun 28-Oct-12 15:23:53

Good for him. I think it shows what motivation can do. My ds is trying to learn golf. Its really hard for hi. But he is persevering. I think you just say to people 'he is beginning o cope with these hings when it is on his terms but it's going to take him two days to recover normality'. For him its a massive thing, like climbing a mountain as someone said so maybe just point that out.

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