DS2 hit a stranger [sad]

[lirael]

DS2 is 10 and has severe autism. His behaviour has become more challenging as he's got older - mainly as a result of having to wait, go somewhere he doesn't want to go or/wanting something he can't have. Very often he'll cope with these things very well, but sometimes (and increasingly) he will lash out at me, DH or DS1, either hitting or pinching. It's very unpredictable and therefore hard to gauge when he's going to do it. He has some basic speech and is able to make requests verbally.

Today I had to take DS1's clarinet to school as he'd forgotten it and had to take DS2 (who is home -educated). We've been before (DS1 is VERY forgetful!) and DS2 has been happy to wander round the foyer while I speak to the receptionist. Today I had to spend a little more time than usual - there was a short queue - and DS2 started asking for 'car'. I said ' in one minute DS2' (I try to avoid the word 'wait' as it seems to be a trigger) and he pushed a passing teacher - not hard, but enough for her to feel it. I apologised and said ' DS2, no pushing ' - she was lovely about it and just walked off - but I was mortified.

Any experiences, tips etc? We've been lucky up until now in that we've been able to take him into most public places without too much stress, but the thought that he might lash out at a stranger makes my blood run cold.

Having said all that we then went to Tesco to pick up a parcel, a number of charity shops to look for a book for DS1 and the library - he was calm in all of them - I kept praising the positive behaviour and he was allowed to choose a DVD in the library. So the morning ended well - but I keep thinking back to the earlier incident.

[Ineedalife]

Maybe he felt she was in his space, I am not excusing him pushing but dont you find sometimes people seem to expect children to move out of their way.

Dd3 has no idea that a child is supposed to be submissive to an adult, especially a stranger and she wont step aside for people.

It sometimes makes me cross that people will bash into her or brush past her with their trolleys or bags, just because they think she should move.

It is one of the issues with ASD being invisible though I guess.

[lirael]

No, he wasn't in her way - she was walking past him with plenty of space between them and he deliberately pushed her - I could tell it was an angry response because he often does it at home.

He is like your DD though - has no conception of waiting so someone can go through a door first etc. He doesn't get much 'tutting' in general as he is very obviously autistic but this is the one thing that gets disapproving looks from people.

[rosamarina]

My DS (also ASD) lashed out at a completely random person last week, it was mortifying. I can't remember what he was angry about, but he'd been having a battle of wills with DH over something or other, and as we were crossing the road, he whacked this old man going the other way. There was no time to stop as we were in the middle of the road and I was trying to help DH control DS, so all I could do was say 'Sorry' and tell DS 'no hitting' yet again and try to keep going. I think he meant to hit DH but was in such a state he hit the random person instead.

I don't know what the right thing to do is, but lots of empathy, because it is so mortifying.

[delllie]

Lots of empathy here too {hugs}

My DD kicked a random stranger while we were looking around a market, I know I was probably pushing her boundaries as she hates shopping, but I had no other
choice that day. I was mortified, the woman was very nice about it and I explained DD's difficulties to her, but still :( She was also stressing whilst at DS football match the other week and one of the other mums tried to pacify her and DD kicked her

We have been using visual timetables with her to help explain what we are doing and what is happening next, this helps to some extent, but if things get too much for her, this is how she lashes out. As much as we want to, we cant always predict how every situation will pan out..

[lirael]

Yes, we use a visual timetable too, but its the unpredictable things that get to DS, like the queue this mornng or the computer not loading up. I try to do a LOT of praising when he does wait patiently or accept that something's gone wrong, but tbh I'm not sure it really makes any difference.

[mariammma]

Did he know she was a teacher? I only ask cos most people seem to end up SN homeschooling after a long series of harrowing educational traumas