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my son that truanted from school was a direct consequence of the pressure he has been subjected to from me!

(13 Posts)
hoxtonbabe Thu 25-Oct-12 19:40:48

What a bloody cheek!!!

Those of you that already know, my DS has been getting detentions after school for not getting a certain mark in his homework, or not being able to complete the work in class in time.

My solicitor (who has now left) simply asked, "where in your school policy does it state this" as they dep head said "it is policy" when I said my DS was not to attend.

The cheeky SON OF A BI**H writes a letter back basically saying. *The plain matter of fact is*:

1. I am unwilling to co-operate

2. As a direct consequence of the pressure he is subjected to from his mother, he truanted from school

3. xxx expressly told me he wants to receive the work support sessions

I can not begin to tell you how much I want to go into that school and pull a Scarface on the teachers.

What I am finding interesting in all this BS, is if my parenting is causing my child such mental distress to cause him to skip school and then get signed off, as a deputy head you have a duty to the child to A. Try and resolve the matter with the parent, but no, what he does is ignore my requests to meet, and makes no attepmt to reach out to me, as the idiot has said, they have my DS best intererests in mind, and moreover why has the head not contacted at the very least the school councillor, and following that, social services, infact we had a social worker whom he has met so that would be my fisrt port of call if I thought one of the students in my school was suffering at the hands of their mother, or better still inform the LEA...None of this has been actioned, yet they have DS best interests in mind...YEAH RIGHT!

I am soooo peeved, I had to come on her and get it off my chest.I dont even know where to beging with this, they are in effect accusing me of casuing my child mental harm...I am not going to take this one lying down.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 25-Oct-12 20:13:18

Calm down. You are not the first this has happened to and I doubt you will be the last. If you lose it, they have won.

But let me at least offer you my sympathy. It is not nice at all when this happens.

Think of it as them assuming that the best form of defensive is attack. They are attacking you to deflect their accountability and responsibilities.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 25-Oct-12 20:22:14

Sorry, didn't mean the 'calm down' to sound belittling.

But you need to keep control of your emtions to think logically.

hoxtonbabe Thu 25-Oct-12 20:48:57

This is the first time this has happened, so I massive shock to my system. Defamation is not something I can ever get used to.


StarlightMcKenzie Thu 25-Oct-12 20:56:28

Of course not. That's why it is powerful and such a dirty trick.

A simple letter back asking him to substantiate his claims and provide evidence should do the trick with this one really.

Don't defend yourself. Ask him to prove what he is saying.

PipinJo Thu 25-Oct-12 21:06:25

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

coff33pot Thu 25-Oct-12 22:43:15

Star is right dont lose it but a good felt tip face on a pillow and giving it a good wack may help smile

These detentions are the learning support sessions?

Agree ask them to clarify their findings. But also I would say that the school day is 8.50 till 3.15 ish? That is the LEARNING support hours for education for all. Its a long enough day decided for children. So why can the learning support be arranged during the regular school day.

Make a note of what he is missing. His socialising, clubs, family time before homework etc. Overtired maybe for next morning?

DD just got a detention issued for being the last one to sit down lol........yes trivial and yes I was ahem..........obstructive grin

Keep a clear head the school are just hitting below the belt to get a desired result of riling you x

mariammma Thu 25-Oct-12 22:47:39

Star's suggestion sounds measured

but mostly I like the calm, inscrutable, implicitly threatening, mafia-but-suited-and-booted quietness of asking him quite how he is so sure of his facts.....

hoxtonbabe Fri 26-Oct-12 07:03:08

Thanks's so helpful having your support as I sometimes feel I am going crazy.

I really can't think straight right now, do not sure where and how i go forward on this. I'm having trouble sleeping again and its all becoming too much. Does not help that it has been 35,yes 35 days since my appeal and heard nothing back and now considering putting in a complaint. We have chased and the judge has not even had the courtesy to explain why it has taken triple the usual time frame to respond.

My son went to CAMHS earlier in the year, and can only assume the therapist was a governor or something for the school as she was more concerned about them than my DS and also trying to say it was my fault as to why my son was talking about killing himself when the school issue was raised. When I asked her how is it my fault she said I should stop being so angry and try an comporomise with the school...the school that refuses to meet with me, how can I compromise with that? And moreover how or why should I compromise with the school on not implementing the provision on his statement, as that is the reason why we are in this current position, not that I want more,just what is expected and written!

Coff: they are detentions masked as work support. They were always noted as detentions until in June when I said they are getting terribly close to disability discrimination, suddenly it was changed to work support...after schoo, and a further detention if he does not attend naturally leading up to an exclusion, which if he was to get excluded they know full well it will be hard to justify their reasoning given thst he has a statement and not given him any support since september, hence them now not giving a good reason as to why they are doing this and suddenly saying I'm causing DS distress....charming!

mariammma Fri 26-Oct-12 12:51:33

UNhelpful therapy suggestions: turn them around.
ask for therapist's help to do what unrealistic rubbish was suggested

"Compromise" "but they won't even meet me" "How do you think we could persuade them to meet me, given the current refusals"
"Compromise" "no f***ing way, they're breaking the law and harming my child" "which aspects might I be able to let go, whilst supporting the school/LEA to meet their statutory duties"

mariammma Fri 26-Oct-12 12:55:26

BTW, don't upset the judge. Nice opportunity to demonstrate reasonableness!

The appeal thing is probably an admin error, just resend the whole lot with your proof of posting/ receipt. Polite letter enclosed saying you assume the delay is because of a filing problem/ broken copier/ computer issue, you hope that sending them replacement documents will overcome it, and you expect the original overall timeframes to still apply.

StarlightMcKenzie Fri 26-Oct-12 14:18:56

Is it the OUTCOME of your appeal you are waiting for?

Our bastard judge made us wait 6 weeks over the summer holidays.

hoxtonbabe Mon 29-Oct-12 10:18:51


The 6 weeks holiday I could understand a bit more as everything tends to calm down over that time, but there have not been any school holidays in my case (until now) but now almost 40 days and still waiting for the decision/outcome of our hearing is very unusual, even the SENDIST Darlington helpline people said so... My EP is shocked beyond belief.

Naturally I don't want to piss anyone off especially if I'm hoping to get then on side but this is very excessive, and need to press for a decision or atleast an explanation as to why it is taking this long.

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