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I think I will look back on my life and regret not having a third child

(3 Posts)
PrinceRogersNelson Thu 25-Oct-12 12:53:01

I have 2 DC, 6 and nearly 4. Life has been hard since DC2 was born. I had post natal anxiety and huge troubles bonding, she had colic. She was very passive and hard to reach. As she has got older it has become apparent that she is delayed in areas and different. She is an absolute delight, but it is harder to parent her.
She has a speech delay, EP suggested she may be on spectrum, 2 SALTS are saying she isn't. I don't know. But at nearly 4 she doesn't have enough language to communicate with peers and, for example, could not join swimming or dance classes as she would not participate appropriately.

I always thought I would have 3 DC's. My DH doesn't want any more, but I am aching today.

I just don't think I can risk it. I don't want to regret having another child; that would be far worse IMO than regretting having one. I don't want a child with more SN's than my DD. Is that an awful thing to say?

If I was told that another child would be NT then I would jump at it.

Just feel sad today.

StarlightMcKenzie Thu 25-Oct-12 13:03:43

You'll figure it out smile

Perhaps once you know more what you are dealing with re DD.

bigbluebus Thu 25-Oct-12 13:12:29

I sort of know how you feel. I always thought I would have 3 children (both DH & I are the youngest of 3) and when DD was born with a rare chromosone disorder, I didn't change that idea. (partly because we didn't want one sibling to feel the responsibility for DD, we thought that would be easier shared between 2) When DD was 2 we had DS. He was always a difficult baby and didn't get easier as he got older. We I decided then that 2 was enough, and in fact sometimes think if DS had been born 1st, he may well have been an only. When he started school someone said to me "You're still young enough, why don't you have another one now" - but I couldn't face that baby stage all over again by that time - especially as DD was still like a baby in ability even though she was nearly 7. DS was diagnosed with HF ASD at age 6, so I am glad we decided to stop at 2, as life has been full on, and I don't think I could have managed the logistics of a 3rd - NT or otherwise.

I don't think you are awful to think that you would jump at the chance if you could 'guarantee' an NT child. I'm not sure there are many of us who would choose a disabled child necessarily, we just cope with the 'cards' we are dealt. But only you know what you can cope with both on a practical level and from a 'health' point of view. Even NT children are not guaranteed to be easy - you only have to venture onto the other parenting boards, especially the Teenagers one to find that out!!!

Sorry you are feeling low about it, and I hope you can come to a definite decision one way or the other and learn to live with it.

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