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Reeeeeaaalllly trying my best...

(8 Posts)
grinnbareit Tue 23-Oct-12 23:20:28

Hello I have been lurking for a while, and was wondering is anyone else finding it hard to smile through gritted teeth because it is blatantly obvious that your Dc's school is trying to push blame on you?, when you know they are spending all of their time fishing for information rather than stepping back and taking a really good look at your Dc?, Knowing that most of the information they have sneakily wangled out of your literal thinking speaking Dc is really easily explained if only they would take the time to get to know your Dc like you already do?

Well I am finding it really hard to carry on with the smiling and I felt the need to share.

zzzzz Wed 24-Oct-12 00:03:10

Yup. We all get it.

Sometimes you have to be a saint.

Sounds like you need to do a search on "caring carrot" and share the pain.

coff33pot Wed 24-Oct-12 00:05:57

Yep know the feeling and thank goodness I dont have to do that anymore as I took my DS out of said school and started afresh. smile

Big hint as I dont know what they are blaming you for but always smile sweetly and let your eyes glower instead. Anything they wish to discuss make sure its in writing, never discuss anything just on the phone and if you are concerned about anything email rather than just tell.

Arrange a meeting in which you want to review how your DC is doing and take along a witness or support with you. Ask for minutes or always send an email to "just clarify incase you misunderstood" wink

If they have put you on the blame train then get as much of a paper trail to back you up.

But keep smiling as they then dont know what you are thinking and dont know if they have riled you x

SallyBear Wed 24-Oct-12 07:17:58

And then hang the buggers out to dry. smile

endoftherainbow Wed 24-Oct-12 08:43:39

We had this at the last school. The advice above is right. We also ended up having some observations at home for ds which really helped as these professionals verified what we had been saying at school. Paper trail is key, and a constant smile. It does really bug though that key to everything is the need for schools to be listening to parents - rather than looking to lay the blame elsewhere. At our last school, the HT would hide around corners listening to anything we said to ds!

Ineedalife Wed 24-Oct-12 09:33:07

Yup, i know exactly what you are talking about to.

Sadly we are on school number two aswell because it was making Dd3 ill.
All she needed was abit of understanding and support.
She is v.happy now.
Good lucksmile

grinnbareit Wed 24-Oct-12 11:25:40

Thank you for the replies I just have this bubbling volcano in the pit of my stomach when the teacher looks me in the eye and makes a comment about Ds's behaviour like its something that I am fully aware he is doing! Some days I just think "kiss my arse I know my boy the psychologists will see (he is due a multi-disciplinary assessment for ASD)" then other days I think "OMG!" rooooaaarrrr, Ds behaves alot differently at school unfortunatly not for the best and after writing a diary for several months it just showed it was stemming from there eg relaxed at weekends and during holidays, just seemed highly strung before and after school. But now he seems more relaxed but there is the occassional outbursts after school. I have kept my cards close to my chest (think I was giving them far too much info about Ds at home last year which they prob used to their advantage) and they are unaware that I can see when things haven't been too good for him during the day, but instead of stressing about how hard it must be for them to deal with this imposter at school like I have done in the past I am concentrating on keeping him as relaxed and happy as possible when he is at home which I should of done all along.

I can't do fake to save my life so sometimes when it starts to get to me I can just feel myself start to boil and the first thing I wanna do is blurt out all the stuff I have seen, but the smiling and "oh reaaalllyyy?" while raising one eyebrow is getting really tough, please don't get me wrong I am not a hot headed person but when they start to recite information they have collected from Ds (with a look of I'm not surprised he doesn't or does A, B, and C) during a lesson which is definatly NOT how it is at home eg bedtime routines?? etc it sounds really bad but Ds will tell someone what they want to hear, sometimes if someone directly questions him and maybe asks Do you have a 6 foot bright pink and green dinosaur in your bed? he will just reply yes purly because a)he doesn't want to discuss it because he wants to get on with something else or b)its easier than having to think about it himself.

annoyed.com!

coff33pot Wed 24-Oct-12 17:50:16

oh stand in line with us all then lol

DS told the school he watched Pirates of Carribean on Stranger Tides and Mum was going to take him to watch Assassins......

It didnt dawn on the teacher that one was in the Cinema and I wouldnt be allowed to take him in not that I would have in the first place, one was on a local poster right on top of the childrens school crossing so couldnt be missed and not even out at the time!

But of course it was no wonder he played up at school being so late up at night....they make their own stories up wether they are english teachers or not x

Keep it together and just come up with an explaination by email to the comments made so you have a log. A home/school book is a great way to keep a log too but make sure you photocopy the pages or just dont send in a nearly full one and keep it when there is about 4 pages left wink

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